Just Want to Cry & Terminate :(

[Zeke]

Tori, I do recognize your name, but cannot recall speaking on the phone- my memory can be bad tho I don't get to talk on the phone much as we are 4 hours behind most on the forums, but THANK YOU for the support! GOOD to see a name I recognize!!! I was on ivillage for a long time... till they got 'bad' and we all moved on to other boards

Zeke, I don't know if you remember me or not but we have visited on the phone a few times. I adopted my son the same time you were adopting. I think we were on adoption.com and ivillage together.

I think we need to talk. I can call you for free. Message me your number.

Tori Fees

[Zeke]

I was telling my hubby last night that there is something WRONG with the situation, if just IMAGINING days WITHOUT having to deal with these parents/kiddos... brings me a comforting feeling. I just imagine it being PEACEFUL and not a feeling of 'tenseness'

The baby so far is a JOY!! She has her moments, but she is a BABY! The only stress I have with her is MOM/DAD. The 2.5 y/o is getting worse & worse She throws horrible fits. (& has taught my other 2 y/o DC babe very well I might add!!) She is ornery, & yells at the other kiddos, takes toys- pinches occasionally... JUST like her older cousin I had 10 years ago Her gma is in town for a visit (leaves today) and the mom & gma brought the 2 kiddos over here for 'a play date' twice... yesterday, unannounced! I don't really care, but the older one goes and does all the things she KNOWS are not allowed- and as they leave, she SCREAMS and hollers as she did NOT want to leave... yelling 'NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO!!'' many times to mom (1st visit) and again at gma yesterday.

I couldn't handle any of that either. I would at least start advertising to replace them. Just imagine how satisfying it's going to be to shut the door on them for the last time.

[Shell]

Just take a look at how long your post is with all the problems. This is not worth it (and I speak from experience). I let a dcm similar to this go on for almost three years! She also thought she was a great dcm and showed me appreciation (yeah, right). I would give two weeks and be done- it's just not worth the stress. Good luck!

[Butter Biskets]

I think you CAN afford to term a family that comes sporadically, doesn't pay for weeks at a time and treats you like crap. I would term in a second and eat pasta for a month rather than be spoken to like that woman thinks she can talk to you.

You are not out of line thinking this mom is off. She's treating you like an employee yet doesn't pay your wages! That's not ok.

I agree 10000%!!!!!

[NeedaVaca]

I was telling my hubby last night that there is something WRONG with the situation, if just IMAGINING days WITHOUT having to deal with these parents/kiddos... brings me a comforting feeling. I just imagine it being PEACEFUL and not a feeling of 'tenseness'

The baby so far is a JOY!! She has her moments, but she is a BABY! The only stress I have with her is MOM/DAD. The 2.5 y/o is getting worse & worse She throws horrible fits. (& has taught my other 2 y/o DC babe very well I might add!!) She is ornery, & yells at the other kiddos, takes toys- pinches occasionally... JUST like her older cousin I had 10 years ago Her gma is in town for a visit (leaves today) and the mom & gma brought the 2 kiddos over here for 'a play date' twice... yesterday, unannounced! I don't really care, but the older one goes and does all the things she KNOWS are not allowed- and as they leave, she SCREAMS and hollers as she did NOT want to leave... yelling 'NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO!!'' many times to mom (1st visit) and again at gma yesterday.

You have got to be kidding me! That would never fly here, seriously? I'm WORKING, I don't do playdates...

Term! Your life will be sooo much better. I wouldn't wait either, the only other option would be like daycarediva said: new contract on YOUR terms and do not allow them to break one single policy!

[DaisyMamma]

you are a much better woman that I, no way in the world would I keep a client that has talked to me that way....

WOW... do you have a PHB?

I didn't read other replies but I agree.
Sadly I keep being reminded lately that no matter what you do for the DCPs they are always out for themselves. Be careful what you are offering and don't ever expect anything in return. You give them a lot of vacations. If you can somehow find a way to make it work financially them term. If not, start looking for a replacement immediately.

[Zeke]

Update

I'm sorry that I haven't been able to get on here to update... I sent a text to the mom and told her EXACTLY how I felt... she at first was mad, but then calmed down & apologized and told me she does not want to move her girls, that her mom also says she comes off rude at times in texts... we had some pretty 'heated' text back & forth... just honest feeling, but I could see she was not happy But I got what I had to say out onto the table... as well as she got her thoughts out.... I told her it may be time for her to find alternate care. She said she does NOT WANT too, and felt I may be trying to PUSH HER to move elsewhere so I am not the 'bad guy'... I let her know that I have had to do it quite a few times in my years as a provider and if I want to terminate a client, I truly have no problem doing so She asked if we can work it out and I told her I thought we could as long as we both hold respect for one another.... the next morning as she brought her kiddos- she said 'Car we hug it out?' I said SURE... and things have been going very well ever since

I really HOPE it works out as they are good in all other ways

Thank you so much for all your support in this! It is so helpful to know from others 'like us' that I was not over reacting etc

[nannyde]

I'm sorry that I haven't been able to get on here to update... I sent a text to the mom and told her EXACTLY how I felt... she at first was mad, but then calmed down & apologized and told me she does not want to move her girls, that her mom also says she comes off rude at times in texts... we had some pretty 'heated' text back & forth... just honest feeling, but I could see she was not happy But I got what I had to say out onto the table... as well as she got her thoughts out.... I told her it may be time for her to find alternate care. She said she does NOT WANT too, and felt I may be trying to PUSH HER to move elsewhere so I am not the 'bad guy'... I let her know that I have had to do it quite a few times in my years as a provider and if I want to terminate a client, I truly have no problem doing so She asked if we can work it out and I told her I thought we could as long as we both hold respect for one another.... the next morning as she brought her kiddos- she said 'Car we hug it out?' I said SURE... and things have been going very well ever since

I really HOPE it works out as they are good in all other ways

Thank you so much for all your support in this! It is so helpful to know from others 'like us' that I was not over reacting etc

That's a normal reaction to term talk. She needs daycare till she finds an equal or better deal. She also wants to break up with you not have you break up with her. So if she can find a good deal she will term you soon. Be prepared and keep all good words from her in a file so you can show the investigators if she makes a complaint.

[Shell]

That's a normal reaction to term talk. She needs daycare till she finds an equal or better deal. She also wants to break up with you not have you break up with her. So if she can find a good deal she will term you soon. Be prepared and keep all good words from her in a file so you can show the investigators if she makes a complaint.

Unfortunately, this is probably true. This pattern seems to play over and over again when parents just have to have the last word. Glad you got out your side of things!

[Heidi]

That's a normal reaction to term talk. She needs daycare till she finds an equal or better deal. She also wants to break up with you not have you break up with her. So if she can find a good deal she will term you soon. Be prepared and keep all good words from her in a file so you can show the investigators if she makes a complaint.

Yep!

Just be ready, dear. If we're wrong, no skin off your nose.

[KiddieCahoots]

That's a normal reaction to term talk. She needs daycare till she finds an equal or better deal. She also wants to break up with you not have you break up with her. So if she can find a good deal she will term you soon. Be prepared and keep all good words from her in a file so you can show the investigators if she makes a complaint.

This is how it ended with my family that acted this way.

The one thing that worked out to my favor, I wrote up a termination/withdrawal that had ALL the dysfunctional details, sprang it upon them to sign when they came to pick up dcg belongings, and they actually signed it! So hopefully no worries with complaints filed.

[CraftyMom]

That's a normal reaction to term talk. She needs daycare till she finds an equal or better deal. She also wants to break up with you not have you break up with her. So if she can find a good deal she will term you soon. Be prepared and keep all good words from her in a file so you can show the investigators if she makes a complaint.

Yup. Had this happen not too long ago when I finally put my foot down with a PITA family. Mom didn't want to leave, dcg loved me, blah blah blah. a week later they coincidentally found care elsewhere

[KiddieCahoots]

Yup. Had this happen not too long ago when I finally put my foot down with a PITA family. Mom didn't want to leave, dcg loved me, blah blah blah. a week later they coincidentally found care elsewhere

Ditto!
I was told by the EI worker that dcp's were terrified that I would terminate.
Well just like Nannyde is saying, that ended up meaning, until they found alternative care.

[Zeke]

I am totally READY

At this point I really don't care If they make it through to the end of this years work season (last day of Nov-Feb/Mar they are off) Then that is fine... I have others waiting to step in. Otherwise GOOD-BYE! I don't CARE I suspected the reason she took awhile to reply was due to her calling alll over looking for care... there is NO CARE here at all. The center is full and I am the only licensed home.... if they get them in another place for spring I am okay too Will keep you posted!! Oh! And I have *every* text and everything