Just Want to Cry & Terminate :(

[Zeke]

Haven't been here in ages... I never have TIME... but I have to talk to others 'like me'... I am so frustrated, hurt and feel like a POS I don't know if I am over reacting or not, but I am to a point where I honestly don't want to deal with this anymore

I'm a licensed home- licensed for 8 but presently have 6. Been licensed for going on 11 years- before that I was approved by the state.. before that I was 'registered' by the state. I have been in the DC business for 30 years... yeah, I'm old Along with doing DC forever, we have been foster parents, adoptive parents AND have raised 4 of my own children and am still raising the 5th (age 13)

I've had a little one since she was about 5 mos old.. she is now 2.5 and she has a sister (just turned one) with me since mid Feb. I have never charged them when they go on vacations... parents both have 3 mos off in winter- never have charged them to hold the spots. They left in May for 2 wks- no charge. The grandmother was just here for 2 wks- did not charge them to hold their spot. AND they plan to go for a wk in Sept (which I just learned via a family member- she has never mentioned it)

I try very hard to work WITH the parents, however this mom has said a few things that make me feel terrible the past few mos... Like she is 2nd guessing my ability to care for her kiddos. Not really my ABILITY I guess, but my choices or whatever How I treat her children, what I say to them etc.... how clean my home is yada yada. I feel like I am under scrutiny at ALL times Which of course I expect a bit, but I feel I can't do ANYTHING right with them- & ONLY them

In the past I have received a text from mom saying 'I assume the changing area is being kept clean & sanitary but' ... & went on to tell me she found a black curly hair on her toddlers bum. Mind you, I have a teen African American daughter who yes- she HAS BLACK CURLY HAIR. This IS her home and she brushes her hair in that bathroom - I DO wipe with sanitary antibacterial wipes- it is very clean- but kids pick up fuzzies- I have pulled a moms hair from a babes butt on more than one occasion- it happens! The way she said it- made me feel like crud

She sent a pic in a text back in April, showing her toddlers bum- she had like a red area... looked like a scrape or something 'Any idea what this is on X cheek?' - it was maybe a penny size but had a bit of a 'tail' like a comet.... it LOOKED like she sat down on something and it kinda pulled her skin - she had not cried so it apparently wasn't a big deal- till mom saw it?

The end of May I just got back from 2 wk vaca (I worked my butt off to have a good sub cleared by the state so they all could stay here and not have to find alternate care) and she had told me NOT to expect her girls all that week after I returned, as her hubby & his grown sons would be home & will want to take them that week- then sent a text saying they WOULD BE here... I was bummed as I had my licensing renewal with all the paperwork etc at that time- I was tired from traveling for 48 hours! Instead of texting "I'm sorry there was a misunderstanding..." She said "I don't ever remember saying it was a for sure thing" .... but she *DID* tell me NOT to expect them at all that week I took them anyhow. (I paid my sub to come help during the hours she was here) When I explained I had not expected them and had set my relicensing then, and it will be more difficult with 6 kiddos apposed to 4 (one being out of hand and the other an infant) her reply was: "You would think the licensor would be used to having kids around in daycare- why wouldn't they schedule it after hours if it's going to take your attention away?" (I'm copy/pasting that from HER messages)

A month or so ago, she sent a text "I'm not being accusatory here, but it saddens me that the only thing Xxxx can tell me she did today was cry because you are 'mean'. Is she a typical 2.5 y/o? I just wonder if she's doing okay? I hope you don't take offense'

Since both kids were off the past 2 wks I sent a text today to double check if they are starting again on Tues or Wed.... I received this:

"So count on them on Wednesday! I will have a stock of diapers and spare clothes for Xxx, and pull ups for Xxxx. Xxx is on whole milk now, usually takes a 6 oz bottle after breakfast and then another before afternoon nap. No more morning napping

Oh, and I'd like to request that Xxxx spend minimal amount of time in the exersaucer thing... I understand you might need to stick her there sometimes but she is a busy baby and I'd like her little muscles to get a lot of use. I think it might be helping her sleep too, since she turned one she has been sleeping past 7 instead of 5! "

#1. The child thinks I am 'mean' because she is placed in TO if she is naughty! She has gotten VERY difficult to handle and she is not the only one in my care... I have 5 others at this time. HER fits are now being seen in my other 2 y/o I've had over a year She hits, kicks and yells at others ALL DAY LONG She has always been a sweet child but the past 6 months have been VERY VERY difficult with her. She screams and throws tantrums any time things do not go HER way

#2. That child is NOT in the 'excersaucer thing' THAT MUCH! She is in it when I have to use the bathroom... when we are on the deck (don't want slivers as she is crawling & she would rather be bouncing & having FUN than sitting on my lap!

#3. This child CAME TO ME waking at 4 & 5 a.m. they have told me every single day since she started- whether she woke at 4 or 5 and sometimes at THREE! When teething- THAT was the reason. When dad was home- his SNORING was the reason!

I can't really AFFORD to let these 2 go, but I haven't had them in 2 weeks... already the stress deep in my gut because of the moms text today

How would you all take texts like that????

[daycare]

you are a much better woman that I, no way in the world would I keep a client that has talked to me that way....

WOW... do you have a PHB?

[Zeke]

Thank you... also

By 'PHB' do you mean policy & hand book??? If so, yes I do.

I forgot to mention that I had the oldest kiddo last year... end of May I took 4 days off- Mon was Mem day so closed anyhow. Then took Tue-Fri Off due to my son graduating high school & we throw a big community party for the graduates so really needed that time- all the parents knew this MONTHS ahead of time. That was fine, graduation was Wed... big party till Thurs morn, then clean up. Friday rested up- Saturday, around midnight, we received a call my BIL had died I sent ALL a message late at night so all would know that I was not going to be able to care for the kiddos as planned. I wanted them to have as much time as possible to find alternate care- BIL was only 47, we had family coming in- there was crying and things were a HUGE MESS (seriously, would YOU want your children in the midst of all that?) We learned of BIL death at midnight Sat night/Sun morn...

THIS SAME MOM text me on TUESDAY morning and wanted to know when I would be able to take her child because it was difficult not having her in her regular daycare.... THEN wanted to know if that week was going to count towards the 2 week vacation I say I will take every year (March 2014 was the first 2 wk vaca I have actually taken in 4 years and I HAD A SUB!) My policy CLEARLY states you MUST have a back up at ALL TIMES. She actually threw in another DCM name as 'Xxxx & I were just wondering' I don't know if the other mom was upset (they work together) but she never acted like it This last spring I got my adult daughter cleared to sub for me because of her. I figured if I took a 2 week vacation she would flip.

[Meyou]

I think you CAN afford to term a family that comes sporadically, doesn't pay for weeks at a time and treats you like crap. I would term in a second and eat pasta for a month rather than be spoken to like that woman thinks she can talk to you.

You are not out of line thinking this mom is off. She's treating you like an employee yet doesn't pay your wages! That's not ok.

[Play Care]

I think you CAN afford to term a family that comes sporadically, doesn't pay for weeks at a time and treats you like crap. I would term in a second and eat pasta for a month rather than be spoken to like that woman thinks she can talk to you.

You are not out of line thinking this mom is off. She's treating you like an employee yet doesn't pay your wages! That's not ok.

This! I could understand if you were actually being PAID. But you are not:confused: Get rid of them! And make sure you call your licensor with the heads up!

[Shell]

This is just terrible! This woman treats you horribly, and it is unacceptable for you to have to feel like this. Let her go- let her see what it is like somewhere else- it will be difficult for her to find a place that doesn't charge for that many vacations. Start advertising, do whatever you can to get this family out!!!

[nannyde]

Zeke, I don't know if you remember me or not but we have visited on the phone a few times. I adopted my son the same time you were adopting. I think we were on adoption.com and ivillage together.

I think we need to talk. I can call you for free. Message me your number.

Tori Fees

[cheerfuldom]

I think you should start interviewing for replacements.

[NightOwl]

She considers you to be her employee. That's the problem.

[CraftyMom]

I would have taken offense to any one of those things separately as a one time thing, nevermind ALL of those things on a somewhat regular basis!

I can't tell you how many times I find hair in diapers that I know isn't from my house (such as a long dark hair, we are all blondes here)

You need to lay it all out for this mom the way you did here

Nannyde will help you with what to say I'm sure!

[CraftyMom]

I want to add, as your title suggests... I would cry, then terminate, then feel soooo much relief and stress lifted! Then move on with a better family that will treat you with respect!

[KiddieCahoots]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
I've had to deal with a similar mom, who was suppose to be a friend.
The money, great hours, friendship, reputation, yadda, yadda, kept me tied to them in an unhealthy working relationship.
She is that arrogant, entitled mom we are always talking about here, and will not change.
Cut your losses, and find another client that will appreciate you and the wonderful work you do.
You owe it to yourself.

[deliberateliterate]

I couldn't handle any of that either. I would at least start advertising to replace them. Just imagine how satisfying it's going to be to shut the door on them for the last time.

[daycarediva]

If you don't want to term, force them out.

New contract, list the unpaid time off that they can use. NOTHING unpaid beyond that, and NOTHING unpaid without a 2 week notice before the vacation. NO texts after hours.

I would want them out, yesterday.

[Zeke]

Thank you ALL!!!!

Thank you all soooo much! Even after all these years, I still want to be SURE my emotions are not bringing more into a situation than there is..

Last night I posted on fb about my day- (NOT about the text- just about my day) ended it with 'feeling unappreciated'. I figured ya know, THAT IS how I am feeling right now- and that option was there This morning I received this text from mom (who starts again tomorrow morning- UGH!)

'Good morning... I hope your post about feeling unappreciated isn't a result of my last text. It's just an observation that I've had, and I hope that I let you know how much we appreciate you often.' --- I haven't answered her text

HOW? HOW does she show me she appreciates?? On average, just about once per month, there is an issue that makes me feel horrible That makes me feel not good enough - she is questioning my care

I use the 'exersaucer thing' as a SAFE place for a babe (& she is usually JUMPING LIKE CRAZY in it- while SMILING/ LAUGHING the whole time!)... it is used when we are on the deck, as my deck is very weathered and She is crawling- I have astro-turf stuff out there, but it is about a 5' wide strip down the center- with wood on all sides- she does NOT want to be held all the time, & I don't want her to get slivers. She crawls, but it's like she scoots her bumm and legs forward- and she goes FAST! I use it sometimes when it's time for children to leave (otherwise I am battling her at the top of the stairs as I see each one out the door.... I use it during MY potty breaks (maybe ONCE during the time she is up) And I use it during our reading before nap- otherwise I have MANY interruptions (have to set the book down CONSTANTLY) to get her out of the TV cabinet etc... this makes the kiddos who are trying to enjoy the books- loose interest IF we have a craft going that I have to be right beside them at all times (these situations are NOT every day)

Was remembering back to Feb when they started again and mom asked me if I give her the pacifier a lot during the day- I told her usually just at nap. She told me 'good, that's all we want her to have it' ... but EVERY TIME I SAW THE CHILD WITH THEM... she had it in her mouth WHY do some parents seem to think WE should do things different then THEY do it? If THEY find it difficult with ONE other child, to deal with a kiddos excessive fussing... WHY do they think a provider should have to deal with that with with SIX kiddos??

I have to figure this out. I live on a very small island (pop 3,000) where we all know one another. I don't want her raising heck, & making it sound like I am a bad provider to all her friends I want to terminate. I definitely will terminate, BUT... do I wait till the 30 days prior to their trip in Sept? OR, IF I CAN HANDLE it... see them through till they are on their 3 month winter break the end of Nov? November is a longggggg time to put up with this bologna But that is all of Aug, part of Set, then Oct/Nov.. if I do that, they can NOT say I left them in a tough spot or anything like that.

I also have a mom who has had her dd with me almost 4 years, who is preg & due early Dec... perfect timing to slide her babe in Jan/Feb.

On a side note... I had the kiddos cousins 10 years ago. (Dads brothers kids) I started with the one at age 2, then 1.5 years later, they brought their 5 month old- the child screamed *constantly* The older one was AWEFUL, but I worked & WORKED with him to try and make it work... he would SLUG my daughter, kick and swing at me... had a NASTY mouth- it was BAD! And I had a BAD time with them. A REALLY bad time. I had to call 2 times (which mom TOLD me to do!) to have them pick up the babe as she would not stop screaming.. all my other kiddos were sitting around covering their ears Dad came stomping up my stairs 'THIS is just NOT going to work!' (my calling to have them come get her 2 times in the 2 or 3 mos I had her) I told him 'You are right, this ISN'T working.' He was mad as he left and I heard nothing for 3 days. The 3rd day I sent a term letter in the mail and they called that eve saying they would be there the next day. I said I was sorry but had already filled the 2 spots-- I had also sent the full month billing for the one, PT for the babe.. then after she told me she thought HE called me, and he thought SHE called me (I think they actually tried to find alternate care but could not- later the 4 y/o was kicked out of 1 other daycare AND a preschool- he was NAUGHTY!) I felt bad as MAYBE it was a he thought/she thought- so I sent an amended billing for BOTH kiddos at PT- They then, reported me for messing up on the billing! LOL I was trying to HELP them, but they were mad, and wanted to make trouble for me! ALL they could find report me for, was my amended billing! (the licensor told me she filed it in the trash!) But I was VERY concerned with this couple BECAUSE of this

They are GREAT at everything else. They are GOOD at bringing what is needed, great at paying (they go over the billing VERY CLOSELY & point out ANY little discrepancy- even a typo where an 'a' is where an 'o' should be, in a name There was one time she complained she still had to pay for a FT month, even tho I had gone out of town for a few days... I pointed out that she is paying each month for 16 days of care... anything over 16 is the same price (normally she gets about 21 days for that same price!) She didn't like it, but I told her to call the center in town and ask how THEY do it... I already HAD, and they charge FT after 14 days!!

Gotta go as kiddos are arriving... thank you ALL SO MUCH!!!!