Would You Take This Family?

[EchoMom]

I normally pre screen potential families pretty well through email before setting up an interview. However, I just recently had an interview that was same day so I skipped all the emailing and just had the family over for an interview and found out about them at that time.

Preschool age child lives with custodial grandparents since infancy.

Biological mother lives with grandparents and preschooler when she is drug free.

Biological mother has had arrests and been to rehab repeatedly.

Biological father is not in a relationship with bio mom and has fathered other children.

Grandparents say the preschooler is intelligent, but does not have the BEST behavior.

He was with his first daycare provider 2.5 years until the grandparents left the situation because the provider's childcare setting had become chaotic and contributed to preschooler beginning to have poor behavior.

Grandparents found a new provider after the first but are leaving the 2nd provider after only several weeks because of the preschoolers supposed poor behavior and the provider being "crazy" and not a good provider.

At the interview, the preschooler was well behaved, got along with my child, was not hyper or out of control in any way. The boy seemed to be perfectly appropriate and nothing to show that he would have poor behavior.

If I had known all this in emails beforehand, I probably never would have set up the interview because I'm not interested in dealing with dysfunctional homes. All of our other families are working professionals and at least from what we can tell totally on the straight and narrow, never any drama.

However, now we've met them and feel like if the boy is good or at least normal behavior for his age, we're glad to have him. I really want to add a full time preschool age boy. However, I'm making myself a nervous wreck worrying worrying worrying if he's going to be a delinquent and poorly behaved. The family would like to start after their notice period with the previous provider and we'd like to have him and think he'd do fine here but I'm so worried this is a situation we should pass on.

I say we because in my childcare I have a partner and we are both professional elementary school teachers before daycare.

Has anyone worked with messed up families and had good outcomes?

Thanks!

[Unregistered]

No, they seem like the type to just leave without notice. I never take families that bad mouth all previous providers, because they will end up bad mouthing you and mostly likely it's either outright lies or perceived things. They seem too unstable.

[sahm1225]

I agree about not taking families that bad mouth the previous provider (kind of like you never bad mouth your current or precious employers!) BUT the family isn't leaving the provider with no notice so that's a good sign.

Can you call the current or previous privider? Or ask grandma more about what the behavior issues are?

For what it's worth - you could always do a 2 week trial period?

[Learning Daycare]

I always ask for the previous daycare information. If you have this information, I would call the previous providers and ask about the boy and his family. If you haven't yet asked for the information, I would do it when you talk to the family next. If the family is reluctant, that means they're hiding something and I would pass on taking them! Well wishes!

[starz0123]

Off face value it sound like Grandparents want the best for the child & have been upfront with issues, they've shown long term commitment in the past & probably not problem family in regards to payment/appropriate behaviour etc otherwise they wouldn't have lasted 2.5 y with a provider. I would take them based on the only parts of your post that I see as relevant :

"Grandparents say the preschooler is intelligent, but does not have the BEST behavior."

"He was with his first daycare provider 2.5 years "

"At the interview, the preschooler was well behaved, got along with my child, was not hyper or out of control in any way. The boy seemed to be perfectly appropriate and nothing to show that he would have poor behavior"

"we've met them and feel like if the boy is good or at least normal behavior for his age, we're glad to have him. "

"I really want to add a full time preschool age boy. "

[Josiegirl]

That's a tough one. I think I'd try it and let family know there is a definite 2 week trial with a possible extended 2 weeks if there are any doubts of adjustment issues(on either side). And good luck!!

[TickleMonster]

We have worked with many dysfunctional families. I dont discriminate against their home lives because frankly its none of my business and I have a highly dsyfunctional family myself. As to childs behavior, do a trial period and see if he will work out in your daycare.

[Unregistered]

If you only take professional families, why are you even considering this then?
Seems to me you are applying someone else's information onto this little boy as your observations said otherwise.
As a childcare with two professional educator's you should know better than to immediately assume this family is anything less than manageable. I would assume you had kids in your classroom as a teacher that may have come from disfunctionalmfamilies but the child behaved or acted normally.
I'm sure it isnt intentional but to me the way you present this comes across as judgemental and as if you already made up your mind and are just looking for others to support your decision.

[Unregistered]

We have worked with many dysfunctional families. I dont discriminate against their home lives because frankly its none of my business and I have a highly dsyfunctional family myself. As to childs behavior, do a trial period and see if he will work out in your daycare.

This!!

[Blackcat31]

Honestly, I think if you witnessed this little boy being well behaved and playing nicely during the interview, I would give it a shot.

You also said you worked with another person/teacher so if he requires a bit more attention at first while he adjusts you have the extra hands and the education/experience to manage.

If he doesn't adjust well during the trial period, you can always let him go.

[daycare]

not too sure what other have mentioned, but environment is everything.

I have had many kids come to my daycare that have been kicked out of other places and did fantastic.

Like PP mentioned, if you don't already have a two week trial period, implement one and during this time use it to evaluate the child's progress.

I think that the only thing that bothered me about the whole thing, was from the sounds of it, the grandparents might be using daycare as an excuse for his bad behavior and not taking any accountability for it.

I would call and talk with them and tell them that you think that the boy would do great at your DC, but you wanted to ask how their plan of action for behavior management. That is if you have not already done so.

[EchoMom]

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate hearing from others who may have had more experience. I did not mean to say I only take professional familIes but that I only HAVE professional familIes at this time. We do not live in a fancy neighbourhood and have a modest house. But we also charge on the highest end for home daycare in the area. I really did want to hear from others ' experiences.

My concern was two fold. 1. Concern for the child's possible behavior.
2. Concern for working with a family with known drug users at times clean and at times using and with recent arrests.

The grandma delivered the contract and deposit and we are excited to have him, hopeful this will be a great thing for all parties but also holding our breath that we don't regret it.

[daycarediva]

not too sure what other have mentioned, but environment is everything.

I have had many kids come to my daycare that have been kicked out of other places and did fantastic.

Like PP mentioned, if you don't already have a two week trial period, implement one and during this time use it to evaluate the child's progress.

I think that the only thing that bothered me about the whole thing, was from the sounds of it, the grandparents might be using daycare as an excuse for his bad behavior and not taking any accountability for it.

I would call and talk with them and tell them that you think that the boy would do great at your DC, but you wanted to ask how their plan of action for behavior management. That is if you have not already done so.

I would base it on grandparents/kid at interview. It sounds like they were upfront with you. Do a trial and see how it goes.

I would contract with grandparents ONLY and take him on a trial basis. He may do great in your care.

I have 3 previous 'daycare delinquents' and they are wonderful here.