Need Help With Major Tantrums!

[Indianadaycare]

I have a 12 month old who is sweet and smiley and affectionate. He is an only child and gets lots of physical affection (constantly climbing on them and giving/receiving lots of big hugs and kisses) from both parents, grandparents, friends, etc. I'm very happy about that! This has become expected of him - like all the time. It's now become a problem for me, his (fairly new) daycare provider. At his previous daycare, the providers complained that all he ever did was scream. Mom took him out and put him in my small home daycare so he could get more 1-1 attention. I am a hugger and very affectionate with him, but the problem is that when I'm not holding him/carrying him around/on the floor playing with him, he will instantly crawl over to me crying and BEG me to pick him up. If I know he's been fed, has a clean diaper, and I've spent good time with him already (playing, reading books, doing a craft, etc) then I tell him nicely, "I'm not going to pick you up right now honey. Here's your toys, you need to play." He will sit and scream bloody murder. And I mean scream. Loud. It is pure tantrum - I know that. What I've done so far, is if the screaming goes on at my feet (let's say I'm making lunch) I ignore it. Once in a while, I'll look down and tell him he's ok, etc in a nice voice. I do not pick him up. Today, when he did this, (he does this every day now, several times a day) I put him in a play yard where he was contained safely and away from sleeping 4 month dcg. He screamed until he threw up!! I comforted him, cleaned him up and purposely went on with my task at hand. I was just a couple feet away. This went on for 45 minutes! As soon as he calmed down, I picked him up. Loved on him, praised him for stopping his crying, and then read him some books. I just didn't want to reward his screaming fit by picking him up while he was screaming, KWIM?
(BTW, whenever this happens, as soon as he is picked up, tears immediately stop. And then he flashed me his smile.)
When I am feeding the baby, he of course wants me to also hold him. He'll sit and cry/scream at my feet while I'm feeding her. I have already made SURE that before I fed her, I had played with him and read him lots of books, which he loves. THEN I went and took care of her.
I have talked to Mom about this, and she says they do not carry him around at home, and that he plays happily at home by himself much of the time.
How do you all deal with tantrums in general, and this situation in particular?

[debbiedoeszip]

In this situation, I would give a quick hug (one that doesn't involve being picked up) and then redirect with a toy/activity. Lather, rinse, repeat as needed.

[debbiedoeszip]

Oh, and I would give the hug/redirect BEFORE it got to the tantrum.

[bananas]

If he ever asks to be picked up, just sit down on the ground. Allow him to climb into your lap, but make it a totally neutral experience being held.

I am dealing with a similar situation but with....a 2 year old -_- She will scream BLOODY murder so loud if I'm not holding her 24/7 that I've had three different sets of neighbors come over to check if everything is alright It literally sounds like someone is getting murdered over here!!

[Indianadaycare]

Oh, and I would give the hug/redirect BEFORE it got to the tantrum.

Thanks Debbie! Yes, I do give a hug/redirect before I get up or walk away or feed baby. He just "winds up"!
Nice to have affirmation I'm doing the right thing.

[Indianadaycare]

If he ever asks to be picked up, just sit down on the ground. Allow him to climb into your lap, but make it a totally neutral experience being held.

Good idea! I'll try that. Thanks

I am dealing with a similar situation but with....a 2 year old -_- She will scream BLOODY murder so loud if I'm not holding her 24/7 that I've had three different sets of neighbors come over to check if everything is alright It literally sounds like someone is getting murdered over here!!

I was thinking the same thing yesterday! Wondering if neighbors could hear and what they might think.

[MotherNature]

I don't have much to add, but I seriously doubt he plays fine all the time & isn't coddled at home every time he cries. Unless he's only been with you for a week or so, I wouldn't expect this kind of tantrum out of nowhere...only at your house.

[AmyKidsCo]

I don't have much to add, but I seriously doubt he plays fine all the time & isn't coddled at home every time he cries. Unless he's only been with you for a week or so, I wouldn't expect this kind of tantrum out of nowhere...only at your house.

Most likely mom thinks she's just holding him "for a minute" when it's really longer. Or "playing by himself" is actually someone entertaining him. BTDT!

[debbiedoeszip]

I was thinking the same thing yesterday! Wondering if neighbors could hear and what they might think.

Yup, keep doing what you are doing. He'll figure out that you do give attention/affection, just not ALL of the time. He'll adjust.

[coolconfidentme]

Nannyde has a good technique that I use

He wants up, where we are. Don't do it! When You pick up the child, face him away from you & low to the ground. Do this everytime. If you sit on the ground, don't put him directly on your lap, put him on the floor in front of you facing away. When mom hands baby off to you in the morning, face him away from you. I would just say, "Tell mommy bye bye" while waving his hand. This worked miracles for me with a DCG1 who was a screamer.

She has it posted on her Daycare Whisper column. If she is reading this, she can throw you a bigger bone on the subject.

[Indianadaycare]

Thank you!

Thank you all so much for your input! It has really helped; both in practical ways and also just for your support! It's easy to feel alone in this business, and you all are so kind and helpful that it makes me feel more "connected" to others who *understand*!!
I will def try this suggestion that nannyde shared with you coolconfidentme. I love it! Starting right when he wakes up from his nap. Thanks again!! :hug:

[Indianadaycare]

update:
After his nap, he was fine and happy until I wasn't able to hold him/play with him. Then the crawling after me began and crying, then screaming started. I tried the technique nannyde suggested and it worked - pretty well for the first time. I picked him up; facing away and low to the ground and brought him to his toys and told him to play. Then I turned my back. He hated seeing my back and screamed louder, but eventually (faster than before) got tired of it and would periodically stop.... before winding up again and repeating. So I repeated. And on it went. I know it will take time for him to learn. Just a hard day with a lot of screaming.
When mom picked up I told her that I had a hard time with him; that I "couldn't keep him happy today", that he cried " a lot". She fussed over him and "scolded" him, but I'm glad I at least told her; instead of not saying anything about it; which is what I often do.
Thanks again for your input.