Sibling Feeling Left Out

[Josiegirl]

I have 2 SA dcgs, sisters. Then there's a SA dcb. The oldest dcg and the boy have been inseparable this past week. Of course that leaves out the youngest dc sister. She's 5 yo, the dcb is 6 and older sis is 7. I brought it up to dcm and she said her dd had said something. I felt bad because these sisters are usually pretty close.
With vacations and everything, the dynamics change every week so who knows, it may not even be an issue next week. But does anyone have any suggestions? So many times 5 yo dcg has come to me with complaints about not being allowed to join in the 'loop' so I go intervene. Other than those 3 this week, all I have are younger ones. But like I said, it'll probably be different next week.
Thanks! And TGIF

[nannyde]

The dcb and 5 years old play together now. Kids will always gravitate to the most entertaining kid.

The sisters don't need to play together
The older sis and boy have had their time
Now it's time for lil sis and six year old.

[SilverSabre25]

My rule at daycare is generally that no one is allowed to be excluded. If little sis is willing to play by their rules of whatever they are doing, they'd need to allow it. If she is just wanting to butt in and be a nuisance then she needs redirected, kwim?

However, in the case of siblings the first step might be to chat with mom and find out how similar situations are handled at home and go from there. (this gives you a basis of understanding for how the girls are going to react to whatever you decide)

[Blackcat31]

My rule at daycare is generally that no one is allowed to be excluded. If little sis is willing to play by their rules of whatever they are doing, they'd need to allow it. If she is just wanting to butt in and be a nuisance then she needs redirected, kwim?

However, in the case of siblings the first step might be to chat with mom and find out how similar situations are handled at home and go from there. (this gives you a basis of understanding for how the girls are going to react to whatever you decide)

I will never require kids to play with each other.

I know it hurts sometimes and it doesn't feel nice to be left out, but forcing kids to play with someone they don't want to can sometimes be worse.

I DO require my kids to be polite and kind but they are free to choose those playmates.

I don't like or want to spend time with everyone I meet/know in life but I am courteous and kind and all times.

I try to help the excluded child understand but refuse to make the other kids HAVE to play together.

[SilverSabre25]

I will never require kids to play with each other.

I know it hurts sometimes and it doesn't feel nice to be left out, but forcing kids to play with someone they don't want to can sometimes be worse.

I DO require my kids to be polite and kind but they are free to choose those playmates.

I don't like or want to spend time with everyone I meet/know in life but I am courteous and kind and all times.

I try to help the excluded child understand but refuse to make the other kids HAVE to play together.

I see it quickly escalate from "I don't want to play with you right now" to a constant "EW It's SALLY!" kind of behavior (refusing to sit together, play together, eat together, sit beside at storytime, etc). Maybe it's watching the cliquishness spread like wildfire so that everyone is excluding Sally. Maybe it's because I've had one that would gather every toy in the room and then refuse to "play with" anyone else (and they had practically nothing to use), or build a huge elaborate thing that takes up most of the room and then not let anyone play and yell like a banshee if anyone tried to walk through the elaborate set up...and so on.

And I did say generally. There are exceptions. Frequent ones, depending on the exact nature of the situation. But as a teacher and care provider and given the tiny group of appropriately-aged playmates that generally exists here, I very much hesitate to allow cliquishness to develop. That might be one big difference between us BC...I usually have fewer than 5 kids total. I think you have more. Allowing 2 of 3 similar ages to establish a long-term exclusion of the 3rd leads to the 3rd spending frequent long (esp to a child) stretches of time alone. As a parent I would be very unhappy if my care provider was allowing that to happen on a regular basis and I would be searching for other care.

I will allow it on a short term. I will allow it here and there and based partly on what the other two are doing and what the third is doing. But I avoid it becoming a pattern or a long term thing. Balance.

[Unregistered]

I set up a special activity area for two kids, and then rotate pairs in and out of that area. If everyone is working well together, I let them choose their own partner. But if someone is being left out, or if I'm trying to help a new child integrate into the group, or there is just general unrest, I choose the two children for each pair, and I will purposely pair the kids who are not gravitating toward each other.
You can use a difficult puzzle, rhyming or alliterative cards, playdough, marble maze, anything fun or that works better with teamwork.
It helps them learn to work together, even with people that they don't know well or "like".

[Josiegirl]

Thanks for the ideas everybody!
I knew the dynamics would change, I've got 2 older kids here today, so with more kids, more choices of playmates, it all changes. Plus more of the 'story' came out this morning when we started talking about it. I was told the left-out dcg didn't want to play what the others were playing yesterday.
Something kinda unrelated happened this a.m. Older sis was starting to cry about not getting her way, younger sis came to the rescue, trying to make cryer's world all hunky-dory. When I stepped in and told 5 yo that 7 yo sis can cry if she wants but it doesn't mean you change everything just to make tears go away. She looked at me like I was a huge meanie. I have a feeling when either of them cries at home, they get coddled. I am soooo against that here.
I truly need to stop playing into their drama!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Thanks for the ideas everybody!
I knew the dynamics would change, I've got 2 older kids here today, so with more kids, more choices of playmates, it all changes. Plus more of the 'story' came out this morning when we started talking about it. I was told the left-out dcg didn't want to play what the others were playing yesterday.
Something kinda unrelated happened this a.m. Older sis was starting to cry about not getting her way, younger sis came to the rescue, trying to make cryer's world all hunky-dory. When I stepped in and told 5 yo that 7 yo sis can cry if she wants but it doesn't mean you change everything just to make tears go away. She looked at me like I was a huge meanie. I have a feeling when either of them cries at home, they get coddled. I am soooo against that here.
I truly need to stop playing into their drama!

You sound a lot like me.

I actually don't make anyone play with each other. They use the standard phrase here, "I don't want to play with you right now. Maybe later." It has always worked out. At some point they DO end up playing together. In the meantime, the other child can find a different person to do something with or play nicely by themselves. Just because you WANT something doesn't mean you always get it, KWIM? Hard lesson that starts in childhood.

If it started seeming like the child was being excluded every single day, however, I would set up some FUN activity but it would be one that all kids had to share together. Not one that could be taken and played by only two to the exclusion of the third. If you want to do it, you will do it with everyone.