DS Eating Issue

[mamamanda]

This is slightly off topic because it is regarding my 3 y.o. son more than my dcks, but I love the advice I get on here so I thought I'd ask. He has a weight issue that his doctor has been watching closely since his first birthday. He has never been a big boy, but when he was just breastfeeding he was around 50th percentile. When we introduced him to solids at 6 mo his weight dropped drastically and he is no longer on the charts. His dad and I are neither one big so I think its probably genetics, but his dr. has him on the carnation instant breakfast several times a day as a supplement. No actual health issues that we are aware of other than him being very underweight. Just hit 25 lbs at 3 y.o. Unfortunately, because the dr had me so scared over the weight issue when he was just starting to eat table foods, I take a more permissive parenting approach and made him something I knew he would eat at each meal. I tried to make healthy meals, but even so he isn't eating the same food we are as a family. It obviously didn't make a difference b/c 2 years later he is still very underweight. Now I've been left with an extremely picky eater.
During daycare hours I make our meals and he can choose to eat or not eat just like the daycare kids. I don't worry too much b/c he has a full meal supplement in his milk. However, at meal times in the evening I still try to alter meals a bit to entice him to eat. I feel like I need to just say, "From now on you eat what the family eats or you wait until the next meal," but I am afraid to do that since it is a medical concern. I've also thought about trying that approach for a few weeks and keeping a close eye on his weight during that time just to make sure it doesn't drop more, but wouldn't that be confusing if I did and then had to go back on it? If it wasn't a medical concern I would have no problem saying eat or don't eat and letting it go, but I keep second guessing myself. Has anyone else had a child like this? Do you think if I implemented this at home and then did have to go back to giving him different food b/c of a significant weight drop it would be too confusing? Maybe I should just go for it and see what happens. He's got to get hungry eventually, right?

[melilley]

My niece was the same, the doctors even gave my sis a hard time about it like she was doing it on purpose...she's a RN!

The doctors had my sis put heavy whipping cream in her milk (I don't know why they said whipping cream, my niece is only 8 now, you would think that they would have had other supplements to give her) and other than that, she just gave her what the family had to eat. She had the choice of whether or not to eat.

My niece is now 8 and is still really tiny (about the size of a 5 year old), but that's just her size. My sis and bil are smaller people as well as most of our family. And she isn't a picky Eater for the most part, but still doesn't eat a lot.

Since you are giving your ds a meal supplement at meal time so he gets the nutrition he needs, I don't see why you couldn't try the method of eat or don't eat. I know it must be difficult to see your child not eat, but with the full meal supplement and the fact that you are on board with trying, I don't think it would hurt

[sharlan]

I would hold back on the Carnation and give it to him at the end of the meal, not the beginning. Most kids would rather drink sugar than eat healthy food.

[melilley]

I would hold back on the Carnation and give it to him at the end of the meal, not the beginning. Most kids would rather drink sugar than eat healthy food.

This is true. My sis would give my niece her milk last.

[SilverSabre25]

I'd look into Celiac or other gluten issues.

[spud912]

Has the doctor tested him for anything? I think that unless he has a diagnosable condition, then there is nothing to worry about and to just accept that he will be on the small side.

My dd is 3 years and 8 months and still isn't 25 lbs yet (well actually she weighs 26 lbs when she has clothes and shoes on). She has never been on the charts. The doctors were a little concerned and sent her to get testing, but everything came back normal. She is completely healthy in every other aspect and seems to be developing normally. With the exception of giving her whole milk instead of 1%, she eats the same as every other kid. If she chooses not to eat, then that is her choice and I don't give anything different or special.

We recently had our daughters in swimming lessons and there was a little Indian girl there who was older than our dd and much smaller . I was amazed cause our dd is usually the smallest by a landslide but she looked like a giant compared to the other little girl. Both of her parents were tiny, so it's all a matter of genetics .

[Heidi]

I'd look into Celiac or other gluten issues.

Please do!

Also, make sure his condition, if they find one, and your treatment of it is well documented somewhere.

My friend's daughter (now 18) has had major issues with Celiac and Crohnes as well as other intestinal issues. She has always been very small, and has trouble processing proteins. Even after years of medical run-around and tons of documentation, my friend has been accused more than once of starving her child (even though she was a teenager by then and could/did speak for herself), and the child has been accused of having an eating disorder.

I would also wait until the end of the meal to offer the instant breakfast, and would ask if you can give cream in milk and a multi-vitamin (or drops) instead of the instant breakfast. Those are so loaded with sugar and additives! There is no incentive to eat anything if he knows he'll get a sweet "treat" instead.

[AmyKidsCo]

I would hold back on the Carnation and give it to him at the end of the meal, not the beginning. Most kids would rather drink sugar than eat healthy food.

I was going to ask if he was filling up on the Carnation, then not being hungry for meals.

My 19 DD was always underweight, and still is - I say she has "bird bones." As long as he doesn't have a medical reason for not gaining weight, like something that keeps him from absorbing nutrients, I'd back off on the Carnation and only offer him what you want to. You can always bump the calories and nutrition while still feeding the same foods, like adding extra butter, cheese, mashed banana, avocado, or olive oil to foods. I used to make Katie grilled French Toast cheese sandwiches - grilled cheese except you dip the bread in egg/milk like French Toast before cooking.

If you do a Google search there are probably lots of other ways to sneak in extra nutrition and calories.

[Heidi]

You know, I was thinking about this doctor's advice, and to me, it's another example of a doctor being short-sighted. "Just give him Instant Breakfast" may very well help meet his calorie and nutrient needs for a day, but it doesn't help him in the long run one little bit.

It really seems like they want to give you the quick answer and get you out of there. Kind of like the sick-note discussion. Sure, that solves the immediate problem (for the doctor and parent), but it doesn't SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

Mamanda, I would really research ways to boost his nutrition without those IB's. Then, wean him off by making them "dessert" for a while at the end of the last days meal. Once he's getting more nutrients from food, make them smaller with a scoop of ice cream, etc.

Have they checked into any absorption issues that could be involved, like Celiac?

You might consider a food log for a while. How much is he actually taking in calories per day? There are some online apps like My Fitness Pal that you could modify for this. It would be so helpful to know how many calories he is getting (without making it a big deal for him, please), so that you can say "ok, he's eating and growing" or "hmmm..he's eating enough but NOT growing".

[Cradle2crayons]

I could have written that post for he most part.

My daughter got food poisoning (salmonella) at the age of two from a hamburger at a restaurant. We live far from fast food but that day we were having a treat. More treat than I wanted actually.

She spent a week in the hospital. They discharged her but she refused to eat to he point they put a feeding tube in (ng) to feed her. She kept pulling it out now matter what we did.

Prior to the salmonella, she was actually off the charts heavy and had been since birth. She lost most of her weight and it got critical. Finally they gave me some kind of powder similar to the carnation and she LOVED it. She drank and drank it. But rarely would she eat.

I cried remembering that before she got sick, she would beg for raw broccoli and any raw veggies. After, nothing.

It took a long time, but finally she started eating again. I did what the dr said and fed her anything and everything she would eat. Making special meals. Buying ANYTHING, even little Debbie's, just to get her to eat.

HOLY CRAP DID IT BACKFIRE!!!!!

By the time she was five, she was back to a normal weight but was addicted to junk.

I had to get tough. I gave her what we ate and she either ate or didn't. I supplemented afterwards with the drink mixes.

There were fits... I cried. She cried.

In the end, she gradually started eating regular food.

She's 11 now and still has a lot of aversions. But for the most part, she eats with us. She's now 5'1" and weighs 88 pounds. Between age 5 and 9 she was back up above her weight but since then she's been declining in weight as she's hitting puberty and growing taller.

Point to this ramble. I created a monster. I had good intentions. But I went about it the wrong way and it took me YEARS to fix.

[sahm1225]

my dd is 2 1/2 and weighs about 20lbs. She is off the charts in both height AND weight. She has some other health issues, so we have had her tested for celiac, absorption issues, etc.

Our pediatrician has her on Pediasure 1-2/day and we sneak in calories everywhere possible (like toast with a huge pad of butter, avocadoes, whole milk, etc.)

I would recommend having your doctor give you a referral for a GI doctor to rule out any malabsorption issues or other issues. THEN I would see if you could get a referral for a dietician. We just met with one and what she did was look at our food journal (we kept one for a week) and give tips, then she measured and weighed her and basically said that for her height she is the perfect weight.

Our DD eats TONS. Like seriously, she can eat an adult sized meal, she just doesn't seem to gain weight.

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

I KNOW what you are going through. Meeting with the dietician really was helpful. She gave tips about meals and basically said that in her medical opinion, my DD was just going to be small and that we should continue to do what we are doing.

I would also recommend that maybe you do the carnation in the morning as a breakfast before breakfast and then the 2nd one as dessert. If you could make your family meals and let him pick what he wants to eat. Have him sit with you and serve himself (start with meals you know he will eat) and go from there. If anything he will enjoy the social aspect of dinner with the family and will eventually eat too. He's 3, he's smart, he KNOWS mommy will make him something else, so unless you are willing to do it forever, this would be the time to do something about it (unless there's medical issues, then just feed the boy what he will eat)

[mamamanda]

Thank you for all of the advice. I will look into the conditions mentioned. I honestly believe its just a matter of genetics b/c he is almost exactly like I was. My Dr. was on my mom constantly too. Even at 9 months pregnant my highest weight was 142lbs & I am 5'7". Within a few weeks of having him I was back down to 108. I'm a grazer & eat 5 smaller meals a day which is what he seems to do as well. We both feel sick if we eat too much at a meal, but are hungry again in about 2-3 hours. I just keep thinking if I chalk it up to genetics & I'm wrong I would feel so awful. I have met with a dietician. It was quite a while ago though. I asked her basically the same thing some of you have asked, "How is feeding him junk now going to help him in the long wrong?" She basically said the immediate goal of gaining weight was more important. I disagree which is why I struggle. I did keep a food log for a while but it stressed me out b/c he doesn't even come close to the recommended calorie count for his age without the instant breakfast. He eats around 700 calories on a good day & they want him eating 1200-1400. I tried taking him off the instant breakfast several months ago & he didn't eat any better. I think I will try some of your suggestions on just giving it to him after meals or a few times a day instead of giving it freely all day long. Thanks so much! Sometimes you just need to talk something out.

[SilverSabre25]

Thank you for all of the advice. I will look into the conditions mentioned. I honestly believe its just a matter of genetics b/c he is almost exactly like I was. My Dr. was on my mom constantly too. Even at 9 months pregnant my highest weight was 142lbs & I am 5'7". Within a few weeks of having him I was back down to 108. I'm a grazer & eat 5 smaller meals a day which is what he seems to do as well. We both feel sick if we eat too much at a meal, but are hungry again in about 2-3 hours. I just keep thinking if I chalk it up to genetics & I'm wrong I would feel so awful. I have met with a dietician. It was quite a while ago though. I asked her basically the same thing some of you have asked, "How is feeding him junk now going to help him in the long wrong?" She basically said the immediate goal of gaining weight was more important. I disagree which is why I struggle. I did keep a food log for a while but it stressed me out b/c he doesn't even come close to the recommended calorie count for his age without the instant breakfast. He eats around 700 calories on a good day & they want him eating 1200-1400. I tried taking him off the instant breakfast several months ago & he didn't eat any better. I think I will try some of your suggestions on just giving it to him after meals or a few times a day instead of giving it freely all day long. Thanks so much! Sometimes you just need to talk something out.

How are his, er, bathroom habits? poop in particular. That can often be an indicator of undiagnosed issues.

[sahm1225]

How are his, er, bathroom habits? poop in particular. That can often be an indicator of undiagnosed issues.

Yes!! My dd goes poop 3-4 times a day, so the dietician said that's how we now she's eating enough !

They did do a poop sample to see about malabsorption.

[mamamanda]

He typically poops once a day, but I do give a fiber supplement b/c he gets constipated easily without it..