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I've read a lot of Dr. Dobson's books on parenting & he was the founder of focus on the family's website. He takes a very Bible based approach to discipline & is probably the most outspoken child expert I've heard in regards to encouraging parents to spank. Even so, he tells parents very clearly that spanking a child under 18 months is wrong. They are babies & they are testing limits, but they are not being malicious. I would have been very bothered by that with an 11 month old. Also, it seems to me that the difference in hitting & spanking is that hitting is a response out of anger & using spanking effectively requires that you take the child aside & discuss whatever wrong they've done & then calmly give a spanking as a consequence. There's no possible way for an 11 month old to process that. Crazy.
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yeah...that's creepy to me...
I've said that before, though. If a person is going to "plan" a punishment/consequence out that carefully, I say they can be more creative than spanking.
I'll admit the few times I've spanked (my own 4 when they were little), they'd pushed and pushed, knowing perfectly well they were crossing the line. My version of spanking was a quick swat on the rear, just enough so it stung. I call it an "exclamation point". I can't imagine doing the whole "well, son, you know what you did, so go out and pick a switch and I will punish you".
My friends that spanked regularly had the worst kids, honestly. They were so dang sneaky!
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ITA. We use spanking (with our children only, of course) as a last resort - if they're doing something life-threatening like running into the street, or for deliberate disobedience - always only after other things have failed.
Now this makes me wonder if I could get in trouble with my licensor if a parent spanked their child here. I'll have to email and ask her.Comment
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In theory, probably. But, how would you stop someone unless they said "I'm going to spank kiddo". Then, you could say "well, you'll have to take it outside" I know for sure that you can't spank your own children in front of the daycare kids.
Last week was the first time in 14 years of care that it happened for me,and most likely it won't happen again. Of course, the first 10 or so years I did daycare were in Madison, and the culture there is different than here.
I didn't say anything in my situation, but I was a bit surprised. It all happened very quickly. I guess I'm not going to worry about it. It's not like I spanked the little dude.
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When I worked at a center, my coworker had a son enrolled that was a holy terror. She would routinely threaten to call step dad to come handle him. One day, she actually did.
Step dad came to the center, we thought to pick up his step son, and took him into the main bathroom in the hallway. He proceeded to BEAT this child so loudly that we could all hear the strikes and the boy screaming and the step dad yelling. It was so disturbing to hear this child being abused. The step dad would yell some things at the boy (about 7 years old then) and pause to hit this kid several times in fast succession with a belt. More yelling, boy sobbing, more belt cracking.
The owner banged on the door and told the step dad to open it immediately. Step dad left, leaving step son there. The owner notified cps as this was a severe punishment that was way beyond a spanking. Cps showed up and cited THE CENTER, because it happened on the property. No matter that the step dad took the boy behind a locked door, or that the owner interceded, or that the owner was the one to report. The gave us a deficiency anyway. And that's when my faith in the system started to waiver.Comment
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wow!
Sometimes, doing the right thing is worth it though! That's awful.
We had family friends growing up who's middle child was also a "holy terror". Always finding some new way of getting in trouble. Trouble was, honestly, that kid was the smartest one in the whole family; even though dad was a professor.
If he could find something positive to do (odd jobs, mostly, he would make money at 10, 11 years of age), great. If he couldn't, he do something naughty. SO much energy.
We spent the night there once and he'd done something. Dad did the belt beating, and it was horrible. Heck, my dad was a raging alcoholic who molested us, but I felt sorry for THAT kid! I knew then that I would never, ever, hit my kids with a belt, switch, spoon, etc, nor would I let my future family be the hitting kind.
As an adult and young parent, I did occasionally give my kids a swat, and I do think it has it's place, if done rarely. My mom did the same thing; once my 325lb mom chased us around the house, literally kicking us in the butt for something. We ended up, all 3 of us (my sis too), laughing on the floor.
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I did not allow spanking at DC on site. Even though I myself, am a spanker. Now don't get me wrong, a little swat on the hand (kid going for open outlet with a fork kind of thing) is one thing for a baby so they immediately associate "danger" , but to spank a baby's leg? Aren't the laws in most areas open hand on the bum and no red marks?
I'd assume swatting the leg would sting AND leave a mark.
I had to call on a dcd that spanked SO hard, that either through the diaper he left a hand print that lasted HOURS on that kid OR he did not have the diaper on during the spanking. It also had formed a bruise. Boy was he LIVID, but it had to be done. He got in BIG trouble with the Army and a whole investigation was launched, other findings were made with child neglect, and then IDK what else went on. Not cool in my book. The child WAS 18 months at the time of the incident and it was my 1st call to CPSComment
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That's what really burned me on the 7yo boy at the center. We didn't "allow" spanking either. It was explicitly outline in the phb. He was in there with the door locked. So we didn't allow it, but were still punished. It was hogwash.Comment
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