Not Eating

[Heidi]

Although I agree with not making food an issue I lean towards more the idea of not saving uneaten meals to be served later. If I serve breakfast and a child does not eat I don't save the food and serve it at snack, the child eats whatever snack I serve the other DCK's at snack time and so forth. I provide the food, the kids decide if they want to eat it or not. I don't force the child to eat it and (IMPO) I would consider serving the food that was refused before instead of what was being served to the rest of the group a lot like trying to force. There's no choice there, it's "eat this or don't eat but I'm not giving you what I'm serving the other kids because you didn't eat this earlier".

What I don't agree with is serving the child whatever he/she wants (referring specifically to the quote above). Allowing a child to eat Pop Tarts all week is like not serving anything at all. There is no nutritional value there whatsoever and in fact you could be creating eating issues thi way as well. "Hmm let's see. Mom wants me to eat chicken, peas and carrots but if I say I don't want to eat it she'll give me a pop-tart instead" ... what do you think will happen? What choice do you think any child would make in this situation?

I would offer healthy meals and if the child doesn't eat then she doesn't eat. Try again at snack, again at lunch etc. Don't force it, let her make that choice. "Okay Suzie, you're not hungry. Sit until our friends are done." If you don't allow play during mealtimes then don't let her play and if she's disruptful at the table I would remove her and have her sit nearby but away from the group. If this is a regular problem and she is disruptful on regular basis be proactive and maybe have her sit in a high chair "Suzie you're going to sit here in the highchair because you get up during lunch." then try again later at the table "Suzie do you want to sit at the table today? I need you to stay in your seat.." etc. Remove her if she disrupts etc. Wash and repeat.

If she is not thin and frail I'd assume that she is getting at least something in her belly at home so I would just let DCP's know at pick up how much she ate or didn't eat and leave it at that.

Kids have absolute control over only 2 things .. eating and toileting. I don't make an issue with either of these 2 things because it can create long-term issues. Never punish with or over food or toileting.

I think it's odd that we spend so much time teaching young children protective behaviors like "don't let people touch you unless you want them to", but then try to force them to eat. Eating is so intimate, when you think about it. It's something goes in one's body.

You know by now I can be a bit of a "tough guy" with kids, but this is one area that I totally respect the child's right to say no.

[AmyKidsCo]

Kids have absolute control over only 2 things .. eating and toileting. I don't make an issue with either of these 2 things because it can create long-term issues. Never punish with or over food or toileting.

I think it's odd that we spend so much time teaching young children protective behaviors like "don't let people touch you unless you want them to", but then try to force them to eat. Eating is so intimate, when you think about it. It's something goes in one's body.

Ditto both of these statements, as well as most of what everyone else said.

I choose what is offered at meals/snacks, the children choose what and how much (up to a point) to eat. I do encourage "practice bites" but don't force them.

So much of children's "misbehavior" comes from our wrong expectations or because they're trying to find a little control in their own lives. I've found when I change my expectations and give children control whenever I can there's much less "misbehavior" all around.

[MarinaVanessa]

Ditto both of these statements, as well as most of what everyone else said.

I choose what is offered at meals/snacks, the children choose what and how much (up to a point) to eat. I do encourage "practice bites" but don't force them.

So much of children's "misbehavior" comes from our wrong expectations or because they're trying to find a little control in their own lives. I've found when I change my expectations and give children control whenever I can there's much less "misbehavior" all around.

This is what has had the most impact on me and my daycare. Having realistic expectations of each child and changing my own view (when I was being too strict) has relieved so much stress and the children have noticed I think because they are overall a better group

[Happily_wed]

I serve what I want to make and they can either eat it or not. I encourage them to eat a little but I don't force it. I have only had a child throw a fit one time over something. I put salad on her plate and she wouldn't touch it or anything else on the plate until I removed it. I told her no, she didn't have to eat the salad but I was NOT interrupting my lunch to remove it. She had a fit and I removed her from the table. I offered her to come back but she wouldn't so she missed lunch.

I don't save meals. When breakfast is done it's done. When lunch is over, it's over. Each meal is fresh food. We also don't drink all day. They each have a cup of liquid but it stays on the table and they go and get a drink as needed. However I don't allow them to pick it up and just **** down the whole cup. I have one who is addicted to the cup and if I allowed her to she would stand and twirl her hair, go into a daze and just **** on the cup all day long.

[MarinaVanessa]

I serve what I want to make and they can either eat it or not. I encourage them to eat a little but I don't force it. I have only had a child throw a fit one time over something. I put salad on her plate and she wouldn't touch it or anything else on the plate until I removed it. I told her no, she didn't have to eat the salad but I was NOT interrupting my lunch to remove it. She had a fit and I removed her from the table. I offered her to come back but she wouldn't so she missed lunch.

I don't save meals. When breakfast is done it's done. When lunch is over, it's over. Each meal is fresh food. We also don't drink all day. They each have a cup of liquid but it stays on the table and they go and get a drink as needed. However I don't allow them to pick it up and just **** down the whole cup. I have one who is addicted to the cup and if I allowed her to she would stand and twirl her hair, go into a daze and just **** on the cup all day long.

This is me to a T except that I have cups of water for each DCK which they can drink out of at any time that they want. Only water though. Milk is served at big meals and they can drink water at snack time. I can understand if you have a girl like this though. For me I'd ask if she was drinking and if she wasn't I'd redirect her to an activity. BUT I'm in CA and I have to provide water at any time they want it.

[Happily_wed]

This is me to a T except that I have cups of water for each DCK which they can drink out of at any time that they want. Only water though. Milk is served at big meals and they can drink water at snack time. I can understand if you have a girl like this though. For me I'd ask if she was drinking and if she wasn't I'd redirect her to an activity. BUT I'm in CA and I have to provide water at any time they want it.

They each have a cup available at all times. It just stays on the table and is not allowed to be carried around with them. They can go to the table and get a drink any time they want. I just have to watch this particular girl because she will take a full cup, go into her daze and stand and **** it all down, then ask for more. If I allowed it she would carry it with her and drink constantly all day long. At meal time I have to watch her like a hawk or she will drink it all immediately and then not eat a bite. She is almost 5 and has been doing this since she started with me at a year old. I think at home they have unlimited access to food and drink at all times and she uses the cup as a comfort type thing.

I don't serve milk because the family only drinks a lactose brand. It's been my policy with this family that if they want the kids to have it they need to supply it and mom chooses not to. They each drink a huge sippy cup full of chocolate or strawberry milk 5 minutes before they come here. I do juice at breakfast and then water or sometimes kool-aid during the day.