6wk Old Died At Home - I Have 3yr Old Sibling

[nannyde]

The statistical numbers/percentages given according to childwelfare.gov are as follows:

No matter how the fatal abuse occurs, one fact of great concern is that the perpetrators are, by definition, individuals responsible for the care and supervision of their victims.

Parents, acting alone or with another parent, were responsible for 80.0 percent of child abuse or neglect fatalities.

More than one-quarter (27.1 percent) were perpetrated by the mother acting alone,

17.1 percent were perpetrated by the father acting alone,

and 21.2 percent were perpetrated by the mother and father acting together.

Nonparents (including kin and child care providers, among others) were responsible for 14.3 percent of child fatalities,

and child fatalities with unknown perpetrator relationship data accounted for 5.6 percent of the total.

There is no single profile of a perpetrator of fatal child abuse, although certain characteristics reappear in many studies. Frequently, the perpetrator is a young adult in his or her mid-20s, without a high school diploma, living at or below the poverty level, depressed, and who may have difficulty coping with stressful situations. Fathers and mothers’ boyfriends are most often the perpetrators in abuse deaths; mothers are more often at fault in neglect
fatalities.

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/fatality.pdf

This site http://home.earthlink.net/~elnunes/stats.htm also has some fascinating statistical information on this and other abuse/injury topics in regards to children and who the perpetrators are.

Black is that birth to two?

[nannyde]

BC and Nan, I'm sorry but this discussion of stats and abuse is not especially appropriate for this thread. Nobody knows yet if this was an abuse or neglect death. Its just a tragic death and I think Christina needs our sympathy and guidance ideas for the surviving.sibling, not stats about who commits the most abuse.

I mean no disrespect at all,, and these statistics ARE important,
but maybe a new thread for this. Sorry gals, just a thought.

Christina, I hope you are holding up Ok. Big hugs.

Yes we aren't suggesting this is anything but an accident. With that said... every case starts with that assumption and many turn out badly. My warning is to get the provider to realize that it can turn badly. That's all. Be prepared.

I don't think it is the providers role to do anything but what they normally do with the surviving sib. The art of dealing with death with kids is something I would only want a highly trained person to do. I wouldn't be involved in that at all.

No disrespect here either... I have seen providers blindsided when the investigation gets rolling. They get questioned and within that questioning they get scared especially if the kid has been on their watch in the last few days.

[Blackcat31]

Black is that birth to two?

It says age 4 and under

[nannyde]

Black is that birth to two?

I think the statistics change when the child is birth to two AND lives in a home where both biological parents do not live.

[Michelle]

I think the statistics change when the child is birth to two AND lives in a home where both biological parents do not live.

you know what?
I think you are right about dad being lower on the list because if you go by total hours in the day spent with each person, I can see how child care provider would be higher than dad statistically

this whole thing just makes me sad
I agree with letting a 3 year old go but maybe not have let her touch him
I took my 8 year old to her friends funeral ( also 8)
I thought it was very important for her to go but I told her not to touch him and of course she did anyway and she now has really bad flash backs of how cold and hard he was.. I even got therapy for her
so, I just think 3 was too young to touch his hand

[NightOwl]

Yes we aren't suggesting this is anything but an accident. With that said... every case starts with that assumption and many turn out badly. My warning is to get the provider to realize that it can turn badly. That's all. Be prepared.

I don't think it is the providers role to do anything but what they normally do with the surviving sib. The art of dealing with death with kids is something I would only want a highly trained person to do. I wouldn't be involved in that at all.

No disrespect here either... I have seen providers blindsided when the investigation gets rolling. They get questioned and within that questioning they get scared especially if the kid has been on their watch in the last few days.

There was a discussion a couple weeks ago where the provider was heavily questioned/investigated when the child had shaken baby syndrome, but had not been in her care for 6 days, I think? Who was that?

[Leigh]

BC and Nan, I'm sorry but this discussion of stats and abuse is not especially appropriate for this thread. Nobody knows yet if this was an abuse or neglect death. Its just a tragic death and I think Christina needs our sympathy and guidance ideas for the surviving.sibling, not stats about who commits the most abuse.

I mean no disrespect at all,, and these statistics ARE important,
but maybe a new thread for this. Sorry gals, just a thought.

Christina, I hope you are holding up Ok. Big hugs.

My sympathies definitely go out to those affected by this tragedy. However, I must address one thing: A 6 week old baby face down on a bed is no accident. It IS neglect at a minimum. I honestly think it's more like manslaughter. Everyone is informed when they leave the hospital of the dangers of stomach sleeping and having babies on mattresses meant for adults. I can't see this as an accident.

[NightOwl]

Me either. Hospitals push the back to sleep stuff more than anything. And I'm sure this boyfriend was present at the hospital. If not, it's the mother's responsibility to leave her child with someone who actually knows not to put a 6 week old facedown on a bed.

[NightOwl]

BC and Nan, I'm sorry but this discussion of stats and abuse is not especially appropriate for this thread. Nobody knows yet if this was an abuse or neglect death. Its just a tragic death and I think Christina needs our sympathy and guidance ideas for the surviving.sibling, not stats about who commits the most abuse.

I mean no disrespect at all,, and these statistics ARE important,
but maybe a new thread for this. Sorry gals, just a thought.

Christina, I hope you are holding up Ok. Big hugs.

I agree sugar. We kind of got off topic here. I don't think it was intentional tho.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I agree sugar. We kind of got off topic here. I don't think it was intentional tho.

I just thought we should focus on supporting Christina, who came to us for support, not stats...... If anybody needs support, it's her right now.

Yes, it was probably neglect or ignorance that caused the death, I was just trying to say it was tragic.

[melilley]

I read this yesterday and can't stop thinking about it. How tragic, my thoughts go out to the family and you and your staff.

[nannyde]

I just thought we should focus on supporting Christina, who came to us for support, not stats...... If anybody needs support, it's her right now.

Yes, it was probably neglect or ignorance that caused the death, I was just trying to say it was tragic.

I offered for her to call me. That's the best support I can give.

[Christina72684]

Thank you all for the support, sharing stories, giving advice, etc. 3 yr old isn't here yet today and I don't know how long before the family gets back to a regular routine. She was a little more reserved yesterday than normal, even though she's always been really shy and keeps to herself most of the time. She gave me more hugs than normal and I let her help me do things like count out the dishes or pass out cups to help keep her busy. I wonder if she realizes what has really happened. I want to ask mom or grandma about it, but hate bringing it up. I'm sure it's always on their mind but I don't want to talk about it if they don't want to, ya know?

[Blackcat31]

Thank you all for the support, sharing stories, giving advice, etc. 3 yr old isn't here yet today and I don't know how long before the family gets back to a regular routine. She was a little more reserved yesterday than normal, even though she's always been really shy and keeps to herself most of the time. She gave me more hugs than normal and I let her help me do things like count out the dishes or pass out cups to help keep her busy. I wonder if she realizes what has really happened. I want to ask mom or grandma about it, but hate bringing it up. I'm sure it's always on their mind but I don't want to talk about it if they don't want to, ya know?

You know it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to set up a meeting with the mom and/or grandma and discuss with them how they are handling things with the 3 yr old.

I would want to know how much they've told her, how they would like you to handle it and what things you may or may not hear her say and/or do and what they would like you say or not say to her..kwim?

I definitely thing the more routine life is for her at daycare the better but kids this age that are experiencing this type of trauma in their lives will often say things or behave in certain ways that can sometimes take us by surprise and being prepared as to what and how much to say in reply to her is important.

I also think it is a great way to show mom and grandma that you are there for them and are trying to be as supportive as possible.

[Heidi]

You know it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to set up a meeting with the mom and/or grandma and discuss with them how they are handling things with the 3 yr old.

I would want to know how much they've told her, how they would like you to handle it and what things you may or may not hear her say and/or do and what they would like you say or not say to her..kwim?

I definitely thing the more routine life is for her at daycare the better but kids this age that are experiencing this type of trauma in their lives will often say things or behave in certain ways that can sometimes take us by surprise and being prepared as to what and how much to say in reply to her is important.

I also think it is a great way to show mom and grandma that you are there for them and are trying to be as supportive as possible.