What The Heck Is Wrong With Me

[gracepatiencelove]

I *just* terminated a 4yo that bit and threw crap at people and shoved babies and crap. JUST DID THAT.

I now have an almost 3 yo that is HORRIBLE. He screams at me all day - spits - fake bites(meaning he grabs my arm/hand and tries to put it in his mouth and stops and looks at me like that with a threatening look) - hits - disobeys EVERYTHING *just* to spite me. It's HORRIBLE

I want suggestions. It has to be me, right?

I just need help getting his behaviour under control. He is seeing a speech therapist. He lacks good communication skills, for sure. I just need help eliminating the behaviors.

And NOW my 17 mo boy is doing similar things (except he REALLY bites). GAH.

[gracepatiencelove]

To add:

he is immediately sent to time out for the behaviors. It's been a week of that - CONSTANTLY.

The week before (first full week) I thought that the communication issues might mean it was more of an emotional response and tried to intercept before things would happen but it just got worse the more comfortable he felt with me.

We are now doing time outs still and on top of that, we are doing a sticker reward chart for good behavior.

I am getting him outside to walk for ten minutes to the playground, then play for 45 (play hard) and then ten minute walk back but he still is not napping. It is too hot for me to keep them out longer than that and they are scheduled to arrive later so a second trip is not in the cards before naps.

[craftymissbeth]

If it were me, he'd be playing by himself 100% of the time until I could trust him not to hurt anyone.

Also, he'd be on at least a 30 day probation and if he hurt anyone again he'd be gone. I can't afford the liability biters or aggressive and violent children bring with them.

[craftymissbeth]

oh it looks like he's not actually hurting anyone, but just threatening it. It'd be the same thing. He'd be in his own space away from anyone because he just can't be nice. He'd still be on probation for at least 30 days and if he ever did hurt anyone he'd be gone immediately.

The same with the 17 month old.

[llpa]

I agree they both need separated if you can do it. Also, JMO but I do not do sticker rewards for anything. It's like rewarding them for something they should be doing anyway, which is not biting. The 3 yo def can understand. The 17 mo may need something to chew and bite on if the urge hits. It seems like the lityle one is just mimicking behavior. Even tho the 3 has poor communication skills, he is getting his point across to you right? Just the fact that he stops and looks at you while pretending to bite means he is manipulating you for a reaction.

[gracepatiencelove]

oh it looks like he's not actually hurting anyone, but just threatening it. It'd be the same thing. He'd be in his own space away from anyone because he just can't be nice. He'd still be on probation for at least 30 days and if he ever did hurt anyone he'd be gone immediately.

The same with the 17 month old.

the 17mo is mine.

And no... the almost 3yo hasn't hurt anyone yet. He hits ME. His speech therapist just showed up and he was in time out and I was sternly saying "do not hit"

so now I feel bad because she was all "use nice hands " and I'm over here like I TRIED THAT.

I know she isn't directing that at me but I feel like such a crappy person not able to just stop this behavior.

[gracepatiencelove]

I agree they both need separated if you can do it. Also, JMO but I do not do sticker rewards for anything. It's like rewarding them for something they should be doing anyway, which is not biting. The 3 yo def can understand. The 17 mo may need something to chew and bite on if the urge hits. It seems like the lityle one is just mimicking behavior. Even tho the 3 has poor communication skills, he is getting his point across to you right? Just the fact that he stops and looks at you while pretending to bite means he is manipulating you for a reaction.

I guess I don't know HOW to respond to that anymore. At first I was like and he liked that reaction. I was shocked one time and now it's consistently in time out and he screams and smacks at the air at me and I just want to yell "STOP!!"

I jsut want to get through to him IT IS NOT OKAY TO DO THAT. I don't even know what he wants which is why it is so frustrating. He hits me in reaction to transitions he doesn't like, me telling him anything in a NOT super cheerful voice (like, we don't blow our noses without a tissue if it is not smiley and cheerful as I'm wiping snot up he hits). He wants CODDLED.

[craftymissbeth]

oh I wouldn't feel bad. My phrase is "I will NOT let you bite" "I will NOT let you hit" "I will NOT let you push" and then they are designated an area to play all alone by themselves. I don't give it any emotion.. I just use a stern voice. The only attention I give the behavior is saying that phrase and then leading them to their area.

I never saw results with being sweet and saying things like "gentle hands". I know that works for many providers, but for me I feel like hurting another person deserves a stern response.

[permanentvacation]

I don't know that it's you. Kids and parents - well, the general population- is getting worse and worse as time goes by. Years ago, children were well behaved, respectful, etc. Now they cuss their teachers out and tell their parents off and the parents are blocking their kids out and ignoring them as much as possible - therefore not teaching them to behave.

[llpa]

I agree it is completely frustrating. If he is trying to bite you and looking for reaction, try just being completely calm and remove him physically to an area by himself. Don't pay any attn at all or make eye contact w him while he is in that area until he stops behaving that way. If he screams from that area make it even further away. Limit his toys to the same one or two every time he is in the "alone" space. At some point, he will realize that he only gets attn when he behaves appropriately. With inappropriate behavior, all he gets is picked up and taken to play alone.

[gracepatiencelove]

I don't know that it's you. Kids and parents - well, the general population- is getting worse and worse as time goes by. Years ago, children were well behaved, respectful, etc. Now they cuss their teachers out and tell their parents off and the parents are blocking their kids out and ignoring them as much as possible - therefore not teaching them to behave.

His last provider told me she thought he was maybe calling her a b***h.... He has done the same to me, in front of a couple people who all agree that is what he is saying, speech issues or no.

[llpa]

Awww geez! That stinks i am sorry it's ongoing. :hug:

[daycare]

wow that really stinks.

I am not saying that you are not consistent, but all kids are like slot machines.

you put in a quarter pull the lever nothing happens,

you do it again, and again nothing happens

but you do it again and this time JACKPOT

Of course you are going to do it again.

my staff and I all have the same mantra and always are consistent with our discipline and responses.

if they are new, it will take them awhile to figure this out that no matter what they do that they are always going to get the same response.

I would also make this child play alone 100% of the time and slowly move them back into society.

show them what you expect of them and teach them the boundaries.

Try to get the parents on board. if they wont get on board with you then you may need to tighten up your discipline with this kid.

I find that kids eat so crappy in the morning that they have a sugar crash about an hour or so after being here. Kids who show signs of bad behavior usually are too tired to listen. I lay them down if they can't listen to the rules after 3 chances. If it were something of the violent nature, you hit, you sit. It happens more than one time over the age of 2, they go home.

I have learned that when children are this out of control that it is not only with us but at home too and if you don't start making the parents responsible for their children by putting the problem back on them they will never step up and help their child. Eventually the parents will get sick of the phone calls and pull the child or they will get on board and help correct the issue.

[gracepatiencelove]

wow that really stinks.

I am not saying that you are not consistent, but all kids are like slot machines.

you put in a quarter pull the lever nothing happens,

you do it again, and again nothing happens

but you do it again and this time JACKPOT

Of course you are going to do it again.

my staff and I all have the same mantra and always are consistent with our discipline and responses.

if they are new, it will take them awhile to figure this out that no matter what they do that they are always going to get the same response.

I would also make this child play alone 100% of the time and slowly move them back into society.

show them what you expect of them and teach them the boundaries.

Try to get the parents on board. if they wont get on board with you then you may need to tighten up your discipline with this kid.

I find that kids eat so crappy in the morning that they have a sugar crash about an hour or so after being here. Kids who show signs of bad behavior usually are too tired to listen. I lay them down if they can't listen to the rules after 3 chances. If it were something of the violent nature, you hit, you sit. It happens more than one time over the age of 2, they go home.

I have learned that when children are this out of control that it is not only with us but at home too and if you don't start making the parents responsible for their children by putting the problem back on them they will never step up and help their child. Eventually the parents will get sick of the phone calls and pull the child or they will get on board and help correct the issue.

I can see where week one would have been inconsistent. I should have known hard and fast after the last child with behavior issues.

Mom spanks but I am gathering he is worse with her. I am sticking with the time outs consistently.

As for the sugary breakfast - definitely true IF they eat breakfast at all which I am beginning to doubt from comments from his SA sister. Not sure. When I do see them with breakfast it is always sugary - donuts, etc. He's DEFINITELY tired and acts worse and worse as the day goes on but won't stay laying down unless I am right beside him so no way to do that with all the other kids up. He climbs out of PNPs.

Is he too old to confine in a super yard for alone time when he hits? I could set mine up within my playroom but the way my home/daycare area is set up, it wouldn't work well to have him elsewhere.

I would like to really try to work with this kid but I definitely need moms help.

I am going to ask her to have a kid-less meeting with me. What should I suggest? How do we get a handle on these behaviors?