Dealing with Theatrics

[Josiegirl]

Holy Moly...I have a 3 1/2 yo dcg who is the MOST dramatic child I've ever ever had. She will scream at the drop of a hat. Not the right color cup? Scream. Toddler takes her toy? Scream. She wants help to pick up but then doesn't want you to help? Scream. She needs to try to go potty before going outside or to nap? Scream.
She also gets up anywhere from 5-10 times during an hour's worth of quiet time. Yesterday, she got up 3x, then came over a 4th to tell me she had to go poop even though she'd gone half an hour before. When I told her to go back and lay down quietly for a few more minutes she said she was going to poop in her pants if I didn't let her go and started getting really loud and panicky. So of course, I let her go in. What does she do? She goes into the living room, stands to watch the bigger kids for a minute, walks into the bathroom and comes right back out.
It is a constant battle with her that I'm so sick of fighting. And she gets really loud really fast so if there are other kids sleeping, they're sure to wake up.
How do I quiet this child down?
Unfortunately her 6 yo brother was and still is the same way. OMG How I remember when he'd get angry and throw toys, chairs, spit, sass. Thankfully he doesn't do that anymore but I do still have to keep an eye on him about other things.
For naptime, I put them all in the playroom with me, older kids in the living room, there's really no other way I can do it. I give the little kids books and cuddlies to lay down with, and give them puzzles if they are quiet for half an hour. I have her sectioned off in the playroom but she's usually all over the place.
Hopefully it'll be better next week because my other preschooler is off for the summer; she doesn't like quiet time either but at least she's not noisy like this drama queen.

[Blackcat31]

Wow, I'm not sure I would continue to deal with that. I'd seriously consider letting her go if she is that defiant and disruptive to your day. Her behavior will influence the other children, if it doesn't already.

If you keep her, I'd send her straight to the quiet spot IMMEDIATELY the second she utters a complaint.

I would use a kitchen timer at nap time and tell her that EACH time she gets up, you are adding time to the clock and she MUST remain on her cot/mat until the bell rings. NO WAY would I allow her to get up. I know you aren't allowing it and she is just getting up, but SHE has to learn that she is wasting rest minutes by getting up, therefore you are giving them back to her by adding time to the clock. It has worked for me with countless kids that age who seem to have zero concept of staying down and quiet.

At her age, she IS perfectly capable of understanding what your rules are and the fact that she IS breaking them.

I don't like the "me me me" attitude as far as choosing colors of cups or similar things like that. If I have one that insists (with drama or massive protests) on a particular color etc then that is the one color etc they DON'T get.

I also use the "You get what you get and you don't have a fit" line ALOT.

She either wants something to drink or she doesnt. First sign of protest and straight to the quiet spot she goes.

Sounds like she makes your day tough...

Hang in there... :hug:

[NightOwl]

Agreed. There needs to be a consequence for the screaming because, as it stands now, she believes the screaming gets her what she wants. This must be working for her at home. She wouldn't continue the behavior if she wasn't getting some kind of pay off. Is she getting her way? Is she getting more attention from you? What is she gaining by screaming? So show her that there is no benefit from screaming. Do not give in, not one single time! She screams, she goes to the quiet spot. Period. Don't talk to her or engage her in any way until her time is up. Next scream, straight to the quiet spot again.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I wouldn't even say anything as you send her to the quiet spot. Lead her by the hand or point with "the stare." For my Drama Queen I do this as well. She squeals for everything in a high pitched noise. It hurts my ears enough that way. I don't think I could deal with actual screams of protest. My Drama Queen is getting better with her squeals now that I give no attention beyond pointing (although, she does fake scream cry when she is in time out and immediately stops to ask if time out is over with yet and if I ignore she resumes) and we are now working on her attempting to boss everyone around.

[Unregistered]

Yes,she needs to learn that screaming will get you nothing. Well sometimes it will get you a time out.
My daycare parents always ask why their two year old who has started throwing temper tantrums don't do it here.I tell them they learn quickly that it won't get you anything around here.I do tell children they can't throw a fit and cry,unless you are hurt or sad it's not acceptable.
"No,we don't throw a fit when we don't get the cup we want." Maybe next time you can have purple.Actually I don't take request so they learned to stop demanding colors.
Tell her we don't throw a fit about whatever,tell her what you want her to do and let her know that if she doesn't stop she will be going to time out.Rinse and repeat every time!!
Throws a fit about you helping her pick up."We don't throw a fit because I'm helping you pick up,you say thank you when someone helps you"If she keeps screaming,repeat yourself and add in "if you don't stop you will go to time out".
Give her 10 seconds to see if she can get her self under control.If not place her in time out.
Since she is 3 this is going to take awhile to break but she is capable of learning self control.

[AmyKidsCo]

My mom always says "It must work somewhere" so she's obviously getting what she needs/wants from that behavior.

I would try to ignore - "I can't understand you when you're yelling." "My ears don't hear crying voices." "I'll be happy to help you when you stop crying." etc. Another option is to pick her up when she starts, and put her down someplace by herself where she won't get any attention. "Loud voices hurt the babies/other children's ears."

[midaycare]

I have a high maintenance one. Fun times! She doesn't scream though. She cries at the drop of a hat. I won't pick her up, she cries. She doesn't want the banana on her plate, she cries. I give another kid attention, she cries. I tell her no, she cries.

I just ignore it.

I did have a dramatic child of unholy proportions. I didn't pay her attention and it helped quite a bit. I wouldn't talk to her unless she was calm.

[Josiegirl]

Thanks everybody. I've had a discussion with dcm about it and her suggestion was to hold dcg until she calms down; at least that's what they do at home. Uh, no. I will get down to her level and try to calm her down by talking quietly with her but if she's beyond any reasoning, then she needs to calm down somewhere by herself.
They earn and lose privileges for things like screaming, tantrums, refusing to help pick up, not listening, things like that. But sometimes this child is so highly dramatic, she just cannot calm down.
I can't tell you how many times I've repeated the mantra 'you get what you get and you don't throw a fit'. kids will even tell each other that too. That one and 'I'm the boss applesauce'. Or if someone gets all bossy to someone else, I'll tell them they only need one boss here and that's me.

[Blackcat31]

Thanks everybody. I've had a discussion with dcm about it and her suggestion was to hold dcg until she calms down; at least that's what they do at home. Uh, no. I will get down to her level and try to calm her down by talking quietly with her but if she's beyond any reasoning, then she needs to calm down somewhere by herself.
They earn and lose privileges for things like screaming, tantrums, refusing to help pick up, not listening, things like that. But sometimes this child is so highly dramatic, she just cannot calm down.
I can't tell you how many times I've repeated the mantra 'you get what you get and you don't throw a fit'. kids will even tell each other that too. That one and 'I'm the boss applesauce'. Or if someone gets all bossy to someone else, I'll tell them they only need one boss here and that's me.

This is going to become more and more common when so many parents do the No-cry thing. Kids aren't given the ability to learn and practice coping skills or how to manage frustration or conflict.

Not being given the green cup at snack should not cause such a dramatic response...atleast it didn't when I was a kid.

This all makes me sad.

[Heidi]

Thanks everybody. I've had a discussion with dcm about it and her suggestion was to hold dcg until she calms down; at least that's what they do at home. Uh, no. I will get down to her level and try to calm her down by talking quietly with her but if she's beyond any reasoning, then she needs to calm down somewhere by herself.
They earn and lose privileges for things like screaming, tantrums, refusing to help pick up, not listening, things like that. But sometimes this child is so highly dramatic, she just cannot calm down.
I can't tell you how many times I've repeated the mantra 'you get what you get and you don't throw a fit'. kids will even tell each other that too. That one and 'I'm the boss applesauce'. Or if someone gets all bossy to someone else, I'll tell them they only need one boss here and that's me.

Oh, I believe she CAN, but she doesn't.

The boy I termed last year was just like this. He would carry on about the slightest thing (at 5 years of age!). I realized very quickly though that he COULD control it. If you say "hey, look, there's a kitten!" she'd stop, right? Yeah...that's what I thought.

If they are holding her, that is her payoff. Not only that, they probably reward AFTER the tantrum, because now she is sweet. "Oh good, you calmed down, now you can have xx".

So, the cycle is child wants-parent says no-child screams-parent comforts-child calms-parent rewards.

I was watching a video yesterday that was both interesting and funny to watch. It seemed to be for older children, but some form of it might work with younger ones. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xs7OWBj_GiE

I had to laugh, because it reminded me of the "conversations with my 2 year old" videos.

[craftymissbeth]

Oh, I believe she CAN, but she doesn't.

The boy I termed last year was just like this. He would carry on about the slightest thing (at 5 years of age!). I realized very quickly though that he COULD control it. If you say "hey, look, there's a kitten!" she'd stop, right? Yeah...that's what I thought.

If they are holding her, that is her payoff. Not only that, they probably reward AFTER the tantrum, because now she is sweet. "Oh good, you calmed down, now you can have xx".

So, the cycle is child wants-parent says no-child screams-parent comforts-child calms-parent rewards.

I was watching a video yesterday that was both interesting and funny to watch. It seemed to be for older children, but some form of it might work with younger ones. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xs7OWBj_GiE

I had to laugh, because it reminded me of the "conversations with my 2 year old" videos.

That was an extremely well made video. It was funny because I know a mother like each of those descriptions (plus when she drops the ice cream hehe). It did remind me of conversations with my 2 year old

IDK what it is, but I really enjoyed that.

[Heidi]

That was an extremely well made video. It was funny because I know a mother like each of those descriptions (plus when she drops the ice cream hehe). It did remind me of conversations with my 2 year old

IDK what it is, but I really enjoyed that.

I stumbled on her yesterday. Some of her stuff is a tiny bit "out there" for my taste, but I really liked that video. It was enlightening and funny.

She calls her techniques "conscious discipline".

I also like that although is a PhD, she has "real world" experience because she worked with children.

[NightOwl]

Thanks everybody. I've had a discussion with dcm about it and her suggestion was to hold dcg until she calms down; at least that's what they do at home. Uh, no. I will get down to her level and try to calm her down by talking quietly with her but if she's beyond any reasoning, then she needs to calm down somewhere by herself.
They earn and lose privileges for things like screaming, tantrums, refusing to help pick up, not listening, things like that. But sometimes this child is so highly dramatic, she just cannot calm down.
I can't tell you how many times I've repeated the mantra 'you get what you get and you don't throw a fit'. kids will even tell each other that too. That one and 'I'm the boss applesauce'. Or if someone gets all bossy to someone else, I'll tell them they only need one boss here and that's me.

I wouldn't get down on her level to try to calm her down. That's attention she is receiving for the screaming. She needs to regulate herself and I believe she will do it very quickly once she realizes there's no attention coming from her screaming.

[Josiegirl]

I have discovered 1 technique that has worked pretty well with her stubborn "I don't want to", which she's been doing constantly for the past few weeks. I know lots of providers don't believe in the 1-2-3 idea but it is working with her. She knows I will take away privileges as soon as I hit 2 so she moves. And before anyone says 'she should do it anyways', I know that but she's been so damn strong-willed since forever, that I feel this is a good option for her. There are always kids that only need to be told once but this particular child doesn't move on it till she *knows* something is at stake.
I just need to learn to ignore her 'you're killing me' kind of screams. She is a tough one. TGIF

Eta: Wednesday, It really depends on the reason behind her screaming. For example, If it's due to a toddler swiping her toy, I'll get down and teach dcg the whole process of asking nicely for it back, etc. I do ignore her or separate her sometimes but if it needs to be a teaching moment, I feel I should step in and try to help.
The examples I gave such as color of cup, I don't play her game. I also have to tell the other dcks not to play into also. I have a couple preteen girls who are such great helpers but sometimes they overdo it, especially in trying to please every child's want and whim. It just seems it's an ongoing battle, constantly, and I have to wonder if she'll ever 'get it'.