The Praising....

[MissAnn]

Yes....I have found that I overpraise. I noticed it after the praise thread here. I have a girl addicted to praise and attention. It's overwhelming and I am going to make changes!

This girl!

• will do whatever she can to get me to say "good job."
• Will butt herself in front of whoever I gave a compliment to and will do anything to make sure she gets the same compliment
• Sings loudly all day and demand people pay attention and not interrupt (OK....I put an end to this one, but she still tries)
• She wants a compliment for every move she makes. For getting 1 paper towel instead of 5, for writing her name, for putting her shoes on the right feet, for going potty.....etc.
• You get the point...and I'm sure you have the same kid either now, in your past OR in your FUTURE!!!!

OH, I forgot....she wants every kid every day to tell her they are her best friend and will invite her to their birthday parties. Most of the time the kids make excuses as to why they can't invite her. She will also make lists of who can and can't go to hers. Of course I don't allow this kind of talk and I put a stop to it right away.

She is just an attention grabber.....she will grab it whenever and however she can. Her mom thinks this is called high self esteem.

So.....help me kick the overpraising addiction! So far I am trying to stop saying "good job" right and left. I'm trying to say....."you did it" or "you worked hard on that" or "tell me about your picture".....but what do I do when this one asks...."is my picture pretty?" Do I say yes....do I say "what do you think about it?" What? I know it sounds silly...but girl demands and manipulates all attention on her and it's very wearing!

[nannyde]

Pick the youngest walker in the room and have her ask him his opinion on her picture.

Girl you need to get in front of a mirror and say two phrases:

Go play toys

Leave it.

If she's clogging up your attention tell her to go play.
If she is being redoinkulous with the kids say LEAVE IT.

If she wants an opinion go to the one year olds.

She is forcing you to DO her which robs you of having natural interaction with her. It's not good for either of you.

[NoMoreJuice!]

How did my 3yo dcg end up at your house?? EXACTLY identical situation here. I'm not praising an (almost 4 year old) child for going potty. Stop telling me you went potty in a cute sing-song voice, I will ignore you!

[MissAnn]

Pick the youngest walker in the room and have her ask him his opinion on her picture.

Girl you need to get in front of a mirror and say two phrases:

Go play toys

Leave it.

If she's clogging up your attention tell her to go play.
If she is being redoinkulous with the kids say LEAVE IT.

If she wants an opinion go to the one year olds.

She is forcing you to DO her which robs you of having natural interaction with her. It's not good for either of you.

You hit the nail on the head!

Funny thing....I read about "leave it" in another post of yours. I've been doing this quite a bit but not necessarily for when she his manipulating praise time. I will use it now! At first the kids looked at me like....what are you talking about???? Now they get it.

I don't have little ones....only 4 and 5's right now.....but I do have what we formerly called tattle toad. She can ask tattle toad his opinion! I guess we can rename him....maybe just "The Toad".

Thank you! Feeling empowered now! LEAVE IT! Sometimes I get mixed up and say..."Let it go" but that makes her sing the song! LOL

[MissAnn]

How did my 3yo dcg end up at your house?? EXACTLY identical situation here. I'm not praising an (almost 4 year old) child for going potty. Stop telling me you went potty in a cute sing-song voice, I will ignore you!

So true! This one is almost 5 and will say....Look Miss Ann, I put my shoes on. I'm thinking.....too bad they are on the wrong feet! LOL

I wonder if they are overpraised at home and have come to expect it? It makes me feel like they are such princesses.....I'm not into princess kids.

[Blackcat31]

Her mom thinks this is called high self esteem.

Tell mom it's not high self-esteem. It's called narcissism.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration.

There are lots of articles and resources to help curb a narcissistic child's behavior issues.

http://www.empoweringparents.com/narcissistic-children-and-teens-does-your-child-act-entitled.php

http://www.angriesout.com/teach9.htm

[MissAnn]

Tell mom it's not high self-esteem. It's called narcissism.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration.

There are lots of articles and resources to help curb a narcissistic child's behavior issues.

http://www.empoweringparents.com/narcissistic-children-and-teens-does-your-child-act-entitled.php

http://www.angriesout.com/teach9.htm

Oh thanks! I will have to read this during naptime! Wondering if narcissism is parent caused. Maybe I will know after I read these articles!

[NightOwl]

I'm curious about "leave it". How does that work? What situations would it apply to? I actually use "leave it" with my dog when I had to train her to leave the cat alone. When she headed for the cat, I said leave it. My voice got her attention so she came to me, where I had a treat (later switched to just a belly rub or some other attention). So she learned that "leave it" meant staying away from the cat got her a treat and some love. Works great!

[mountainside13]

My DD is similar to that. Her biggest thing is when I compliment others she butts in and expects me to compliment her too.

[nannyde]

I'm curious about "leave it". How does that work? What situations would it apply to? I actually use "leave it" with my dog when I had to train her to leave the cat alone. When she headed for the cat, I said leave it. My voice got her attention so she came to me, where I had a treat (later switched to just a belly rub or some other attention). So she learned that "leave it" meant staying away from the cat got her a treat and some love. Works great!

It means stop.doing that and go do something else.

I use it when they are doing about anything I don't like. For the one year olds I take them to a point in the room and turn them away from me and then I turn and walk away. The point in the room is a big bin of toys in the furthest point in the room.

Once they are two they just get up and go to do something else. It's not a punishment. They aren't in trouble. It's simply, I don't like that.

[NightOwl]

It means stop.doing that and go do something else.

I use it when they are doing about anything I don't like. For the one year olds I take them to a point in the room and turn them away from me and then I turn and walk away. The point in the room is a big bin of toys in the furthest point in the room.

Once they are two they just get up and go to do something else.

So it IS just like training my dog. Lol. I'm hoping the kids learn faster than she did. ::

[nannyde]

So it IS just like training my dog. Lol. I'm hoping the kids learn faster than she did. ::

It isn't a punishment. They aren't in trouble. It is a very low level response that says I don't agree. I watch for root behaviors that are the precursors to more problematic behaviors and disagree there so we don't have a big disagreement later.

It's fast and offers no attention or a therapy session to pet their feelings. It's not personal and it saves us from a mood or fung shway shift.

I lead. They follow. As it should be.

[MissAnn]

It isn't a punishment. They aren't in trouble. It is a very low level response that says I don't agree. I watch for root behaviors that are the precursors to more problematic behaviors and disagree there so we don't have a big disagreement later.

It's fast and offers no attention or a therapy session to pet their feelings. It's not personal and it saves us from a mood or fung shway shift.

You do actually say leave it.....right? I've been doing with a hand motion....did I hear that from you or just add it myself? I love your advice!

[nannyde]

You do actually say leave it.....right? I've been doing with a hand motion....did I hear that from you or just add it myself? I love your advice!

Yes

I like it because of the hard consonants.

[Angelsj]

It isn't a punishment. They aren't in trouble. It is a very low level response that says I don't agree. I watch for root behaviors that are the precursors to more problematic behaviors and disagree there so we don't have a big disagreement later.

It's fast and offers no attention or a therapy session to pet their feelings. It's not personal and it saves us from a mood or fung shway shift.

I lead. They follow. As it should be.

I was just sitting here looking through some threads and wondering WHY people have issues with some of these behaviors, while I seldom have those problems.
You nailed it right in that single sentence. Understanding the root behaviors that will lead to the more problematic behavior and putting a stop to it BEFORE it becomes an issue. I just use "Stop it" but the effect is the same.