Would You Tell The Parent?

[Christina72684]

I have a 3.5yr old DCB who is very hard headed and gets in trouble daily. It's not always bad things, but sometimes he'll push or throw a toy or run inside and I have to have a talk with him about it. His parents are pretty protective and ask every day at pick up how he's done. Depending on the day I'll tell them if he was bad, but a lot of times I'll just let it pass because if it's minor I don't feel like he should be punished at home since we dealt with it here.

The past few months he's picked up some words and phrases from the older kids and repeating them at home, which his parents don't like. (like "What the?!" or "What the heck?!") Today he kept getting up at nap time and I told him to lay down and he said "Miss Tina, you're a jerk!" I thought I might have misheard him but he said it again later during nap. I asked him where he heard this phrase and he said from Mommy. Should I tell her that he said it? He's told me before that Daddy's made Mommy cry and he bought her flowers (she was pregnant and they were having issues with things falling apart with the house, so it wasn't anything to worry about but kind of funny he told me). I told her he said this and I think it embarrassed her a little bit. So that's why I didn't know if I should tell her he said this today or not.

[melilley]

I would tell them. If he heard it at home, maybe they will realize that he is picking up those words and it can be nipped in the bud.

[akpayne]

I would tell them. That is no appropriate language for a 3 yo and parents need to be cautious of the fact he is obviously repeating words

[KayB]

That is disrespect to you as an adult so I would tell them!

[Leigh]

I keep most misbehavior to myself. When I start to see a pattern, when the behaviors truly bother me or are very inappropriate, or if there is another reason for concern, I bring it up to the parent. For the "little" things, I don't.

I wouldn't talk to the parent about being called a jerk. If it continued, and I were unable to manage the behavior, then I would discuss.

[KiddieCahoots]

I think it depends on type of parents your working with.

If they are willing to work with you on issues like this, then tell them.
If the parents are the type to turn it around onto you, like suggest he learned it from the child care, then definitely tell them.

If not, and they are more the type to go into denial, rather than help curb their little angel's manners, and suggest you can't handle him, then don't tell them and handle it yourself.

I have a dcg 3yrs. She has said "oh duck", ya know what I mean.... when dropping a toy. I've heard grandma slip and say the exact same thing, and I know it won't get me anywhere to address it with them, so I haven't, and have handled it myself.

I don't know if I'm being very helpful here, sorry

[Blackcat31]

I keep most misbehavior to myself. When I start to see a pattern, when the behaviors truly bother me or are very inappropriate, or if there is another reason for concern, I bring it up to the parent. For the "little" things, I don't.

I wouldn't talk to the parent about being called a jerk. If it continued, and I were unable to manage the behavior, then I would discuss.

I manage the common day to day behaviors.

If I can no longer manage them without difficulty, then I bring the parent into the scenario and ask for assistance in brain storming ways to curb or eliminate the behavior.

If it doesn't get better, then I term.


I feel as though if you tell mom that the child said he heard the phrase at home from mom, you can probably count on her coming back and blaming you for the bad words he is using at home.

[Annalee]

I keep most misbehavior to myself. When I start to see a pattern, when the behaviors truly bother me or are very inappropriate, or if there is another reason for concern, I bring it up to the parent. For the "little" things, I don't.

I wouldn't talk to the parent about being called a jerk. If it continued, and I were unable to manage the behavior, then I would discuss.

I, too, try to handle it until the behavior becomes on a bigger scale. Had this happen with a 3 year old boy and the f-bomb....Explained to his parents if it did not stop, he would be terminated....amazingly it got better quickly! I was thankful they did their part because he did not get those words from daycare!

[NightOwl]

I would tell them because you said he had picked up some words from the older kids. You don't want the parents to assume he's picking up EVERYTHING from the older kids. They have a huge influence over their child and need to see that he picks up from them too, good and bad.

[Blackcat31]

I would tell them because you said he had picked up some words from the older kids. You don't want the parents to assume he's picking up EVERYTHING from the older kids. They have a huge influence over their child and need to see that he picks up from them too, good and bad.

See I wouldn't allow that excuse to go either way.

I don't care WHERE a child heard bad words.

They just can't say them.

I think it's important to not set the stage for blame for ANY behavior.

Once you allow a finger to get pointed, it just opens up too many other issues.

Instead, I try to focus on individual behavior and individual responsibility for those behaviors.

I always told my own children that we can't always control outside influences...we can only control ourselves and the choices we make.

[Play Care]

See I wouldn't allow that excuse to go either way.

I don't care WHERE a child heard bad words.

They just can't say them.

I think it's important to not set the stage for blame for ANY behavior.

Once you allow a finger to get pointed, it just opens up too many other issues.

Instead, I try to focus on individual behavior and individual responsibility for those behaviors.

I always told my own children that we can't always control outside influences...we can only control ourselves and the choices we make.

[daycare]

I always told my own children that we can't always control outside influences...we can only control ourselves and the choices we make.


I tell my kids this all the time! I love how you have worded it though......much better than the way that I say it!!!

[e.j.]

I keep most misbehavior to myself. When I start to see a pattern, when the behaviors truly bother me or are very inappropriate, or if there is another reason for concern, I bring it up to the parent. For the "little" things, I don't.

I wouldn't talk to the parent about being called a jerk. If it continued, and I were unable to manage the behavior, then I would discuss.

This is generally how I handle things, too. I want the kids to know I am the authority figure when they're at my house. I don't want my authority undermined by involving the parents for every little thing. Depending on the behavior, I may let the parents know what's going on and how I'm handling it but for the most part, I only involve them when I've tried everything I know to stop the behavior and it hasn't worked.

[AmyKidsCo]

I keep most misbehavior to myself. When I start to see a pattern, when the behaviors truly bother me or are very inappropriate, or if there is another reason for concern, I bring it up to the parent. For the "little" things, I don't.

I wouldn't talk to the parent about being called a jerk. If it continued, and I were unable to manage the behavior, then I would discuss.

Ditto.

I personally don't get too upset about words in general. And, if he sees that calling you a jerk gets a big reaction he'll do it again but if it's not too interesting for him he won't.