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I have a 17 month DCG, who has been with me since she was 8 weeks old. The last few weeks, she has started crying at drop-off, but wanting to stay at pick-up. DCM is really good about passing her off and not sticking around, but she will make comments that make it a personal issue. (You want to stay with Mommy? Now, you want to stay here? You didn't want to come this morning....) At this younger age, what's the best technique for the child? Peel her off DCM, while she's clinging to her neck and carry her in the opposite direction or have DCM set her down and leave? I usually grab her because DCM has the "do something" look, but physically pulling screaming kids from their parent is not a fun way to start the day. How would you orchestrate this drop-off?
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I would do anything except peel her off her mom
ask her to set the child down and have an interesting to do already set up to distract the child -
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:I'd try to lighten it up with DCM ::
To me, this is classic transition behavior. When it happens here, I sometimes tell the parent, Yep, they cry when they come, and they cry when they go ::
Keeping it short on both ends is what will help it fade eventually. It's not magic. It's individual - some kids transition easily, others not, kwim
I second the idea of having something tempting set up a ways away from the entry area. See if you can talk DCM into doing a
happy goodbye and to keep it as short as possible. Messages: 1. You're going to have FUN today. 2. This upset is just a SMALL part of your day. Same thing on the other end short and sweet 1. Time to go home and see Daddy 2. See Miss DCP tomorrow!
By keeping it brief, DCM sends two messages: 1. I trust DCP to take care of you in every way, including your emotions. 2. You will get over this soon, and you are capable of doing that without me.
:: :: I had a little sweetie once who was soo tough on transitions :: :: Absolutely a piece of cake the rest of the day, but those hellos and goodbyes 
:: At the end of the day, DCM would just pick her up, toss her over her shoulder, and head to the car :: Perfect ::
Every. Day. for Two. Years. ::
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Yes, distraction. Tell her what you plan to do that day. It's totally normal for her age. Some kids even peak with this behavior around 18 months and then it dies off after a few weeks. It's like a second round of the separation anxiety that happens around 8 months.
Explain this to mom and tell her you aren't comfortable with peeling dd off of her in the mornings. It just feels wrong to me. Ask her to put her down and you'll stop her if she tries to follow mom out.Comment
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I recently had a mom that wanted me to peel her 16 month old off her every day. I told her that she needs to put him down, tell him goodbye, and leave. She would then try to hand the child to me. Still, IMO, not the thing to do to replace mom with me. I was happy to cuddle her child (and he loved to cuddle), but not when he walked in the door as a way to reinforce the clingy, I-get-what-I-want-when-I-cry behavior. Just tell Mom that it is better for her child to learn how to cope with separation in a healthy way and that you pulling her child off her doesn't allow HER the chance to show her child that everything is OK.Comment
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:: :: I had a little sweetie once who was soo tough on transitions :: :: Absolutely a piece of cake the rest of the day, but those hellos and goodbyes :: At the end of the day, DCM would just pick her up, toss her over her shoulder, and head to the car :: Perfect ::
Every. Day. for Two. Years. ::[/QUOTE]
This is the same child!!! :: Thankfully, she's my third DCK from this family, so they've known me for five years. But geez...the way she clings and recoils and runs for the door...I think that I would be concerned! :: ::
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So funny Mine was the first of three children. None of the others did this, even though the second one saw her do it ::
I know, sometimes I worried that if it were my child, I would be 'that mom' ::
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I wouldn't peel her off or let mom hand her to me. Mom needs to sit her down on the floor and walk away.
Time to do the buh bye outside technique.Comment
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I completely agree. I LOVE buh bye outside. But do I still have DCM set her down, outside? She starts to chase after her and the sidewalk is pretty long. I guess I could have DCM walk her up and take her hand from her. She's going to go all "wet noodle" on me, but I'll place her back on her feet and have her walk in versus carrying a screaming child through the front door!
Last edited by Blackcat31; 06-19-2014, 08:29 AM.Comment
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We have a couple of kids like this. One is 13 months old and one is 2 years old. We have no problem with just peeling them off of dcm and telling her to have a good day over the fussing sounds the child is making. Each parent is good about making it a quick goodbye and out the door they go. If we didn't take the child straight away, mom would never be able to leave. We've tried having them sit the child down, which only results in them clinging to moms leg for dear life. So yes, we peel them away, kicking and screaming until mom gets the door shut. We then sit the child down, say its ok and hand them some toys. Within a minute or two everything is back to normal. Same for pickup. Unless there is something important that needs discussed, make pick up just as simple by handing the child back to dcm and saying, "See you tomorrow!" Smile, wave, and shut the door.Comment
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No she's too liitle. Open the door and have her toss her in. Take the kid and get her down to the floor so if she falls over she's already down.I completely agree. I LOVE buh bye outside. But do I still have DCM set her down, outside? She starts to chase after her and the sidewalk is pretty long. I guess I could have DCM walk her up and take her hand from her. She's going to go all "wet noodle" on me, but I'll place her back on her feet and have her walk in versus carrying a screaming child through the front door!
Open the door just wide enough for her to slip her in then shut immediately.
If the kid goes postal just stand above her... and look away. Wait for it. Wait for it. When she's done expressing her feelings then she gets up on her feet and starts the day.
No therapy or good job. Just go to what you would do nextComment
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I always have them set the child down and say in my most cheery voice, "Have a great day dcm or dcd! See you later! Now let's go find the dolls, trucks, have breakfast, (insert fun activity they like here)."
At pickup, when they cry to stay, I do the same thing. Cheery voice, "I had so much fun with you today! Can't wait to see you next time! Tell Mommy/Daddy "hi" for me!"Comment
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I've also been known to bribe with a sticker at pickup. At the end of the day, I want them gone. ::
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