OT: Unwanted Houseguests

[Annalee]

This breaks my heart.

My parents are on the other side of the world. I miss them more than words can ever express. They try and come every other year to see us, but they are elderly now and I know that very soon, one of the visits will be the last one ever. They plan on coming next year if they can. They will come for 6-8 weeks and I will savor every single second of it and break my heart when they leave.

I would so love to change places with some of you who don't like your parents around for long.

Please remember that one day they won't be.

"I would rather take my own family out for dinner once per week then never get to go out because I have to feed another adult!" I guess people are different. I would happily never eat out again if I could have dinner with my parents instead.

I enjoyed your post, Meeko. I can relate....My hubby and I built our house directly beside my parents, my brother's family on the other side....My dad passed away at the tender age of 56 nearly 12 years ago....It has been a life-altering experience....while time has a way of easing the tears, there is not a day goes by, I don't look out my front door wishing I could see him just one more time...My extended family is very close, sometimes too close :: but we make it work! happyface

[TheGoodLife]

So sorry for your loss Annalee. And I completely understand your sentiments, Meeko. I think the OP is not wishing she didn't have family time, but is frustrated over being taken advantage of. Her situation is different, as it seems her mom is not ASKING, but expecting her to open her home and lend her car whenever she wants to, to stay as long as she wants, and isn't taking care of herself financially. To have someone just come and live in your house uninvited for a long duration (even family) and to not contribute- that can be very stressful. It seems like the mom is taking advantage of the situation and not respecting the privacy and feelings of the OP and her family- and that is rude whether it is immediate family or not. Family time is precious, but your home is a sanctuary that can feel vulnerable when taken over as such.

[DaisyMamma]

I know many people cohabitate and it works well. I would prefer privacy with my husband and young kids.

I wished my parents lived in the state, next door would be fine!..in their own house. I have a small ranch home and this situation just doesn't work for me.

Also people act different around different people. Even kids. My kids aren't themselves when others are around.

My husband doesn't like it either. He finds things to do on Sundays, alone. Sundays are supposed to be our family day! And he isn't around.

[MotherNature]

I think people stating that they'd love to have more time with you family is great....if your family is not a toxic one. Just b/c they're family doesn't mean the OP owes her mom free room and board, uninvited for months at a time. That's ridiculous! Especially if mom isn't contributing help, food, gas money, etc..Is Mom elderly or infirm? If not, mom is mooching. If she wants to see family, she can visit at everyone's house for a week or two. It seems the entire family is taking advantage of Daisy. Daisy, you're just going to have to be brave and put your foot down. I know it's hard. I hate confrontation myself. Just imagine she's a dcm running roughshod all over you and put her in her place. For those lucky enough to have a great relationship w/ your mom, great, but not everyone is that lucky, and some parents truly are awful. People shouldn't be beholden to abusive behaviour just because they are family members. If Mom can't get in line (you're an adult, w/ your own life and family) and respect you, then it may be best to cut ties. But, you need to firmly tell her how you feel and lay it on the line. Maybe she doesn't realize how she's treating you, but your post screams borderline personality to me. Both my mom & MIL have it and they will take advantage of you and bring drama to every event. They need to have firm boundaries, like a child. They push boundaries..it's ridiculous. Good luck.

[Meeko]

I must admit, I answered with my heart....and my own situation.....I hope nobody took offense :hug:

My parents are generous to the extreme and I have to try and STOP them from insisting on paying for groceries, outings etc. I can understand it would be difficult to have a family member in the house who didn't even offer to help out.

[DaisyMamma]

An interesting turn of events has my parents looking to move to my state. So that's great news in many ways

[DaisyMamma]

I must admit, I answered with my heart....and my own situation.....I hope nobody took offense :hug:

My parents are generous to the extreme and I have to try and STOP them from insisting on paying for groceries, outings etc. I can understand it would be difficult to have a family member in the house who didn't even offer to help out.

Not at all. No worries.

[My3cents]

I know many people cohabitate and it works well. I would prefer privacy with my husband and young kids.

I wished my parents lived in the state, next door would be fine!..in their own house. I have a small ranch home and this situation just doesn't work for me.

Also people act different around different people. Even kids. My kids aren't themselves when others are around.

My husband doesn't like it either. He finds things to do on Sundays, alone. Sundays are supposed to be our family day! And he isn't around.

I agree that this is a different situation then yours Meeko....and I understand what and where you are coming from and feel the same way as you. I would do anything to have my parents. Everyone is different. It is not that OP doesn't care about her parents it is just she is struggling to stay a float and get a start on life and make a life with her young family. It is too much for her. I understand this, even if its not what I would want for myself.

Not having your hubby home on Sundays participating with the family time- no good, not cool.

I see it as this you need to have a heart to heart talk with your parents if having them stay with you for extended time like this is bothering you and your marriage and family. Not later but now- Mom I have to talk with you- I hope I won't hurt your feelings but I have some things that have to be said.... if you want to stay a week or two during the summer that is fine and I will look forward to it but more then that right now is too much for me and my growing family. If your going to stay longer then that here you will have to stay with another relative or chip in with some expenses.

If you can't talk to your parents your hubby needs to step up and help you out and really he should along side of you talk with them-

I wish you luck with this. I feel the love you have for them, you just don't want permanent residency at their leisure and not yours- doesn't seem to be a compromise or respect, but then again they can't do anything about if they don't know. A good family talk is what is needed and I would start by talking with my hub and then have a sit down with your parents even if one had to be a phone conference so everyone knows where your at-

best-

[My3cents]

I must admit, I answered with my heart....and my own situation.....I hope nobody took offense :hug:

My parents are generous to the extreme and I have to try and STOP them from insisting on paying for groceries, outings etc. I can understand it would be difficult to have a family member in the house who didn't even offer to help out.

no offense!!! I get ya! :hug:

hope you took none to what I added to this thread-

[My3cents]

An interesting turn of events has my parents looking to move to my state. So that's great news in many ways

nice cause then they will have there own home and make sure you set up some boundaries right away.

Meeko my heart went out to you too, I remember when you had a visit and how excited you were and how upset when they left-

I just wish I had parents that were alive~