How to tactfully tell DCD that he can't raise his voice/get upset when...

[aDCProvider]

I have to send his child home sick or stick to my policies/state regs?

I'm the OP of the spit up or throw up thread https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=71689.

I have to speak with the father at drop off in an hour and don't want to get in another argument but I also will not allow what happened last week to happen again.

I was going to say something like, "as a licensed daycare there are rules I have to follow and I know you weren't happy about DCB being sent home last week but I cannot have you raising your voice or arguing with me when I enforce my policies/state regs, especially in front of the other children."

Anything else I should say?

I'm not sure if I should say anything regarding the spit up vs throw up aspect. I'm sure he'll bring it up. And my response will be that at almost a year old spit up is not common and if DCB is still doing it at home (hasn't done it here in 2+ months) then they should see the pedi about it but that I cannot have him here as per state regs after spit up/vomiting. I've even printed out my physician Eval form and mentioned it in my text response on Friday (see other thread).

How would you handle this?

[NightOwl]

I think what you said above is perfect. The only thing I would make sure of is that no other children are present when you tell him this. You never know if he may become confrontational again.
I might also include something about mutual respect and tact, neither of which he displayed when he raised his voice and used the word "Whatever". I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate another parent displaying this kind of behavior in front of HIS child. So where does he get off thinking he can do it in front of someone else's??

[Blackcat31]

I have to send his child home sick or stick to my policies/state regs?

I'm the OP of the spit up or throw up thread https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=71689.

I have to speak with the father at drop off in an hour and don't want to get in another argument but I also will not allow what happened last week to happen again.

I was going to say something like, "as a licensed daycare there are rules I have to follow and I know you weren't happy about DCB being sent home last week but I cannot have you raising your voice or arguing with me when I enforce my policies/state regs, especially in front of the other children."

Anything else I should say?

I'm not sure if I should say anything regarding the spit up vs throw up aspect. I'm sure he'll bring it up. And my response will be that at almost a year old spit up is not common and if DCB is still doing it at home (hasn't done it here in 2+ months) then they should see the pedi about it but that I cannot have him here as per state regs after spit up/vomiting. I've even printed out my physician Eval form and mentioned it in my text response on Friday (see other thread).

How would you handle this?

I think what you plan to say is good. It is very professional and to the point.

I would definitely stress the importance (to everyone, but especially his child) of a good working relationship between parent an provider.

If he does bring the spit up/throw up situation up, just tell him you are not qualified to make a diagnosis and you MUST follow state rules/regulations for the health and safety of ALL kids you have enrolled.

I always throw a "I'm sure you understand" in there too.

I know it's hard to not want to continue explaining but just say what you have to say and repeat.

If he gives you any kind of grief, I think you should definitely re-evaluate their "fit" in your program.

Let us know what happens.

[coolconfidentme]

Remind him he signed a contract which states he read the handbook & would comply with all the provisions in the policy.

[Play Care]

I agree with BC, but I also have to say that the moment I find myself worrying over having to have normal dc discussions with a parent (because of extreme reactions) I would be looking to term. Especially with the yelling at you, because they believe it gives them the "upper" hand and you will think twice before "bothering" them again...

[SignMeUp]

I agree with BC, but I also have to say that the moment I find myself worrying over having to have normal dc discussions with a parent (because of extreme reactions) I would be looking to term. Especially with the yelling at you, because they believe it gives them the "upper" hand and you will think twice before "bothering" them again...

Agree. It is an aggressive move on his part. I had a DCM do this recently.
She is gone now and it's definitely for the best. Here's the letter I gave her after the incident:
Date
To Xyyy,
In Xxxx’s remaining days here, please remember to keep your voice calm during drop-off and pick-up. Both yesterday afternoon and this morning there were small children here, including your own, and the anger was clearly confusing and disturbing to them. They have no way to understand and process this kind of communication, so it should not happen at child care.
Thank you.
Me, the best provider you will ever have ::

[Meeko]

I wouldn't be "tactful"

I'm not tolerant of disrespect in my old age and I would have termed him on the spot the second he raised his voice in my house.

But if you want to keep this family, then he needs to be told in no uncertain terms that he will NEVER speak to you like that again, and that they WILL abide by your policies or face instant termination of services. If you don't....he WILL do it again.

[aDCProvider]

It actually went well! happyface

He apologized and said he knew DCB wasn't sick and that it was common for him, I used BCs words (that we are not qualified to diagnose the reason for the throw up) and he seemed to accept that. I gave him the Eval form to have filled out. He excused his behavior as having a very busy day at work that he couldn't miss. I Told him from now on unless I have a doctors note I cannot accept DCB after throwing up and that we must have mutual respect and I cannot have him coming in and raising his voice. For now things seem to be all good!

[SignMeUp]

It actually went well! happyface

He apologized and said he knew DCB wasn't sick and that it was common for him, I used BCs words (that we are not qualified to diagnose the reason for the throw up) and he seemed to accept that. I gave him the Eval form to have filled out. He excused his behavior as having a very busy day at work that he couldn't miss. I Told him from now on unless I have a doctors note I cannot accept DCB after throwing up and that we must have mutual respect and I cannot have him coming in and raising his voice. For now things seem to be all good!

[Blackcat31]

It actually went well! happyface

He apologized and said he knew DCB wasn't sick and that it was common for him, I used BCs words (that we are not qualified to diagnose the reason for the throw up) and he seemed to accept that. I gave him the Eval form to have filled out. He excused his behavior as having a very busy day at work that he couldn't miss. I Told him from now on unless I have a doctors note I cannot accept DCB after throwing up and that we must have mutual respect and I cannot have him coming in and raising his voice. For now things seem to be all good!

Sounds like it went as well as it could.

Let's just hope he is as understanding the next time you have to send his child home for vomiting.

Glad you were able to come to a resolution.

[debbiedoeszip]

I would also tell him (whenever you think the time is right) that aggression and hostility from parents are grounds for termination. I would feel that he needs to KNOW that a repeat of that behaviour and he'll be looking for another daycare (probably without notice).

What he did is abusive, and no one should have to endure it or be worrying about a repeat of it. Or feel like they are walking on eggshells around a parent in case they lose their sh*t again (this would be me, in your shoes).

[NightOwl]

I would also tell him (whenever you think the time is right) that aggression and hostility from parents are grounds for termination. I would feel that he needs to KNOW that a repeat of that behaviour and he'll be looking for another daycare (probably without notice).

What he did is abusive, and no one should have to endure it or be worrying about a repeat of it. Or feel like they are walking on eggshells around a parent in case they lose their sh*t again (this would be me, in your shoes).

Not to mention, if this happened in front of your husband, this dcd may leave with a fat lip and a termination. Lol. At least, in my own husband's case.
He was way out of line, ESPECIALLY because it was in front of children and in YOUR home! The nerve of some people to be so disrespectful...