How Do You Tactifully Ask A Parent To Clean Their Children Before Arrival?

[melilley]

I have one dcb (22 mo) whom I have mentioned in a post before, that always comes in dirty. It's usually his face and sometimes hands because dcp's let him eat in the car on the way here! Bananas, bread, raisins, etc... and once a Jolly Rancher! I usually take him and wash his hands and face upon arrival, not a big deal.

Well last week dcm drops off (later than usual) and tells me she's sorry he's so dirty, that Dcd was supposed to give dcb a bath the night before, but didn't and when dcm got home, she didn't feel like doing it either. At first I didn't notice him being that dirty, except for his usual dirty face, but when I went to change him, his legs and feet were filthy! This child walks and plays around on the floor that two babies roll and crawl around on and sits on my furniture. I stood him in the bathroom sink and washed his legs and feet.

Then today dcb's face was a little dirty, but when I took his shoes off, his feet were FILTHY! It took two wipes to clean them. His family went camping this past weekend so I think they either came home this morning or late last night so I think he didn't get a bath. Now, I understand that children's feet are going to get dirty, but just arriving with black feet and marker on them is just gross to me.

How would you tactfully mention that his feet and/or body need to be clean? I have babies that crawl and roll on the floor. I know that many of you have a policy on being ready for the day, but I don't want to embarrass the family. It's just the way they are and laugh about it sometimes. And I really don't mind if children get dirty, in fact I like it, but when you just get here, my job shouldn't include washing off legs and feet right?. I mean, if they get dirty during outside time, fine, I don't mind cleaning them up, but washing dirty feet, legs, faces, whatever, when they arrive, while trying to serve breakfast and feed babies is a little much. He is the only one that arrives this dirty.

[hope]

I had a dcm drop her toddler off one time in a shirt from the day before with ketchup stains all over it and a diaper. No pants, socks or shoes. At pick up I said...guess you had a rough night and morning. I gave Dcb a quick bath and change of clothes. I realize there are rough days but next time I would rather you come late or take a day off bc it's difficult to bath and dress Dcb in group care. Then I told the silly story of how all the kids piled in the bathroom so I could watch all of them and clean her child up. Got her to laugh so wasn't so awkward but got my point across. If she ever tried to drop off again in that condition I would reject services.

[lynne]

I have a problem like that too. My two are 4 and 6, we got the summer water stuff out and the kids went into the bathroom to change into swimming gear. I went in later to put another one on the potty and saw very [ nasty] underwear on the floor. .. I dont get sick over much but that was horrible. I had noticed they're feet were black and they really smelled... I was wondering how to say something too.

[renodeb]

Honestly I would have a very hard time saying anything. The worst I have had to deal with is a dcd that would bring his baby in last nights diaper. I mentioned it to the mom the next day and it never happened again. Maybe post a notice that says something about being dressed and ready for the day? Sounds like mom and dad are lazy and your paying for it. Even camping you can hose them off.

[debbiedoeszip]

I used to work through a home daycare agency and this very topic came up at a provider meeting. The answer to how do you ask (them to bring them clean) was basically that you don't ask them.

Just like nurses sometimes have to take care of dirty people, sometimes daycare providers get dirty kids brought to them. We were told that we could give them a sponge bath (arms, legs, feet, hands, face), but not a full bath, and we were NOT to confront the parents about it. If their clothes were dirty, then we could put them in the child's spare clothes (all parents were required to provide a spare outfit). We were forbidden from laundering the child's clothes.

Fully bathing a child, laundering their clothes, or suggesting to the parents that the child's hygiene was sub-par were all considered "provider over-steps" by the agency.

[nannyde]

I used to work through a home daycare agency and this very topic came up at a provider meeting. The answer to how do you ask (them to bring them clean) was basically that you don't ask them.

Just like nurses sometimes have to take care of dirty people, sometimes daycare providers get dirty kids brought to them. We were told that we could give them a sponge bath (arms, legs, feet, hands, face), but not a full bath, and we were NOT to confront the parents about it. If their clothes were dirty, then we could put them in the child's spare clothes (all parents were required to provide a spare outfit). We were forbidden from laundering the child's clothes.

Fully bathing a child, laundering their clothes, or suggesting to the parents that the child's hygiene was sub-par were all considered "provider over-steps" by the agency.

Oh bull roar.

What about what I want? I have a right to decide if I want dirty kids in my home and using my equipment. I also have a right to not have to smell body odor.

Why are the parents feelings more important than mine?

I don't want to touch dirty kids clothes or bodies. I don't want to smell body odor. I don't want to inhale a putrid diaper area smell. I don't want filthy feet on my floor. I don't want to dress kids in their spare clothes.

Parents who send their kids dirty are lazy. They can't come to my house if they can't do something SO simple as bathe and dress their kids in clean laundered clothes. Any fool can do a bath and laundry.

I'm not going to be exposed to that for a nine hour day.

[debbiedoeszip]

*shrug* It's your business to run as you wish, and I wish you all the best. Not everyone can afford to potentially push clients away. The guidelines I described would be the guidelines enforced in a daycare center and home daycares run through agencies (in Canada, at least). I suppose that a home daycare provider, operating independently, can do what they like (offend who they like?).

I'd prefer to just wipe down the kids (legs, feet, arms, hands, face), and change them into their extra clothes, when necessary rather than cause an unnecessary rift with the child's parents. But that's just me...

[nannyde]

*shrug* It's your business to run as you wish, and I wish you all the best. Not everyone can afford to potentially push clients away. The guidelines I described would be the guidelines enforced in a daycare center and home daycares run through agencies (in Canada, at least). I suppose that a home daycare provider, operating independently, can do what they like (offend who they like?).

I'd prefer to just wipe down the kids (legs, feet, arms, hands, face), and change them into their extra clothes, when necessary rather than cause an unnecessary rift with the child's parents. But that's just me...

Oh deb I wasn't meaning to come onto YOU strongly. I actually feel badly that you guys are being trained to tolerate this without any concern of what you want and your comfort.

I want to be happy in my job. I don't have to offend a parent to tell them what I want. I would tell the parent that every day their kid needs to come "perfectly clean from head to toe".

It would be that simple. No meanness in my voice... no consternation. I would just be very frank and say that if I am going to care for them they have to come clean. I promise to send them home that way too.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

I promise to send them home that way too.

:::::: That made me spit ice tea!! Mine rarely go home clean!! Usually dirt in the hair. Sunscreen, sweat, dirt, paint etc on them. Ready to be bathed for another day!
They come clean, play hard, go home dirty... unless mom and dad inform me before the day that they need to be neat at pick up and then I do my best and will change them right before pick up.
Usually we play outside for at least the last hour of the day. I clean them up before meals, nap etc

[Leanna]

:::::: That made me spit ice tea!! Mine rarely go home clean!! Usually dirt in the hair. Sunscreen, sweat, dirt, paint etc on them. Ready to be bathed for another day!
They come clean, play hard, go home dirty... unless mom and dad inform me before the day that they need to be neat at pick up and then I do my best and will change them right before pick up.
Usually we play outside for at least the last hour of the day. I clean them up before meals, nap etc

Ditto! We usually play outside at the end of the day too. Mine are sandy, sticky from bubbles, sunscreen, and sweat, usually at least a few have sidewalk chalk, paint and/or markers on them. I will wash hands and faces, change clothes and diapers, and do hair before they go home, but they all definitely need a bath!::

[lynne]

but that isn't dirty stinky bums and vagina's, thats the problem I'm dealing with. Dirty clothes and no changes. both kids have rashes on the inner thighs because of this. what do I do?

[Leanna]

but that isn't dirty stinky bums and vagina's, thats the problem I'm dealing with. Dirty clothes and no changes. both kids have rashes on the inner thighs because of this. what do I do?

Bathe the 4 yo and teach the 6 yo to shower. Wash their clothes. Maybe mom will take the hint if you say, "It looks like they missed their baths last night. They were so uncomfortable I went ahead and let them shower!"

If it happens a second time you could say, "DCM, I noticed the kids missed their baths again. It is not acceptable for them to come to daycare unwashed. Can I help you figure out an evening routine that makes it easier to fit their baths in?"

If it persists, it is neglect. I DO NOT take calling CPS lightly. However, being so dirty it is"nasty" is just uncalled for and is pure laziness on the parents part. Even if you are poor you have running water. DCM could wash out undies in the tub and let them dry. You could continue to provide this service or demand that mom does.

[Laurel]

I have one dcb (22 mo) whom I have mentioned in a post before, that always comes in dirty. It's usually his face and sometimes hands because dcp's let him eat in the car on the way here! Bananas, bread, raisins, etc... and once a Jolly Rancher! I usually take him and wash his hands and face upon arrival, not a big deal.

Well last week dcm drops off (later than usual) and tells me she's sorry he's so dirty, that Dcd was supposed to give dcb a bath the night before, but didn't and when dcm got home, she didn't feel like doing it either. At first I didn't notice him being that dirty, except for his usual dirty face, but when I went to change him, his legs and feet were filthy! This child walks and plays around on the floor that two babies roll and crawl around on and sits on my furniture. I stood him in the bathroom sink and washed his legs and feet.

Then today dcb's face was a little dirty, but when I took his shoes off, his feet were FILTHY! It took two wipes to clean them. His family went camping this past weekend so I think they either came home this morning or late last night so I think he didn't get a bath. Now, I understand that children's feet are going to get dirty, but just arriving with black feet and marker on them is just gross to me.

How would you tactfully mention that his feet and/or body need to be clean? I have babies that crawl and roll on the floor. I know that many of you have a policy on being ready for the day, but I don't want to embarrass the family. It's just the way they are and laugh about it sometimes. And I really don't mind if children get dirty, in fact I like it, but when you just get here, my job shouldn't include washing off legs and feet right?. I mean, if they get dirty during outside time, fine, I don't mind cleaning them up, but washing dirty feet, legs, faces, whatever, when they arrive, while trying to serve breakfast and feed babies is a little much. He is the only one that arrives this dirty.

You are just going to have to nicely tell them. When they mention something about not having time for a bath or not feel like doing it you need to softly say something like "I can't have them coming like this, okay? You need to bring them clean." Then smile gently. It will feel a bit awkward but it has to be done. You'll feel much better once you get it out of the way. Less stress for you dealing with it every day.

Laurel

[melilley]

You are just going to have to nicely tell them. When they mention something about not having time for a bath or not feel like doing it you need to softly say something like "I can't have them coming like this, okay? You need to bring them clean." Then smile gently. It will feel a bit awkward but it has to be done. You'll feel much better once you get it out of the way. Less stress for you dealing with it every day.

Laurel

This is what I'm going to do and it sounds the way I would say it.. Thanks! I think it's going to be as embarrassing for me as for them, well maybe them.

[permanentvacation]

I used to start out with something like, "Oh my, what did you do, go play in the mud at 7am!?!" "Good grief, it's only 7 in the morning, and you're already covered in dirt!" Yes, I would say that in a joking manner to the child with the parent right there, then look straight at the parent and say something about the child must have been outside playing early. If they were wearing the same clothes as the day before, I would say to the 'Didn't you wear that same thing yesterday?' Then I would look at the parents and say ' what, did he sleep in the clothes last night?' If they come in with food on their face from breakfast, I say something to the child about wearing his breakfast and glance to the parent and tell them that they need to get diaper wipes for their car so they can wash the McDonald's off their child's face before bringing them in to daycare. It typically only took a time or two of me saying this to the child and parent before they realized that I would call them out on it. If they didn't catch on, I would then just bold face tell the parent that they have to clean their child each night and properly get them ready for the day each morning.

I actually added the need to bathe your child, brush their teeth, brush their hair, have a clean diaper on for the morning (if applies), and be wearing clean clothes in my contract/handbook.

As the years has gone by, my contract has gone from one front page to a 12 page handbook!