UGH!!!! Spitting Food At The Table!

[MARSTELAC]

Can I cry now? I have a 4.5 year old eating lunch. (several as a matter of fact). They are all awesome and have good manners but 2. My rules are this: try it...if you don't like it then don't eat any more. Keep your comments about the food to yourself. Some kids like it all and don't want to hear how you don't like it. Finish what is on your plate and you can have more.

well, 4.5 year old just spit his all over the plate because he doesn't like it. Sitting bawling for his mom to come and get him.

Just need to share. Does anyone else have moments like this? I can see an infant or toddler...but this old? Can I go home now?

[laundrymom]

at four he wouldnt be sitting at my table,.. he would be laying on his cot. inexcusable! period,.. nap time for Jimmy cries a lot. .....

[marniewon]

at four he wouldnt be sitting at my table,.. he would be laying on his cot. inexcusable! period,.. nap time for Jimmy cries a lot. .....

Exactly!!

(Sorry you're dealing with this! I would be ticked, to say the very least!)

[Live and Learn]

No food spitting 4 year old would be allowed to stay at my table. I would say in "mean mommy voice"..."don't spit out food" and remove him to nap spot....
be sure and tell parent what happened at pickup and ask that they discuss this with their lil spitter. this type of behavior can continue if left to slide.
I almost never use mean mommy voice or complain about daily behavior to parents so the parents tend to take notice on the rare occasion I do mention behavior that is inappropriate. mark my words....if you let it slide you will end up with a table full of spitting 4 year olds!

[countrymom]

I would do what the others do, that is so inexcusible in my book.

[MARSTELAC]

Thank you guys....I removed him to nap (although early) and told him that we don't do that in a loud voice. Wrote note home about what happened and how I handled it and that I would like not to dwell on it but would like the parents to back me up and remind the child that such behavior is unacceptable. Always nice to have your input. My kids never acted like this so I am appalled sometimes when things like this happen!

[Live and Learn]

Sounds like you handled it just right.
I bet he doesn't try that again!

[Blackcat31]

I agree that his behavior was inexcusable for a 4 yr old! Had one (4yrs old)once who could throw up on command and would do it often when there was food they didn't like. I felt so bad for the other kids because who wants to continue eating after someone threw up the same lunch you are trying to get down. This child ate alone for a looooong time before they were allowed back at our table. I would definitely put the little guy down for a nap pronto every time he behaved like this at the table. It has gotten bad enough here that if you say you don't like something while at our table, you immediately leave....NO EXCUSES!!

[MARSTELAC]

I'm baacckkk :-( Well, dad came in this a.m. and parents are upset that their child was removed from the table and put to nap. Mom is worried he didn't get enough to eat (even though he is supposed to be on a diet because he is obese for his age). I asked him if this is acceptable behavior at their home and he said no. I suggested yesterday that the child use his napkin to spit the food if it is that repulsive. Dad said I didn't give him a napkin but we always have napkins at each spot. I asked if he wanted a conference with both parents about it and he said wait until the mom brings it up (if she ever will). These parents are separated and were with dad last night...he must have called her up to discuss. Any suggestions now? This has totally ruined my day. How can they be mad at me?

[laundrymom]

It's your home. He is playing games that work at home. Ugh. Remind them that spitting isn't allowed. And if he does. He will be removed again. That is how you teach a child manners. When they keep spitting at a table you are just saying it is ok.

[marniewon]

Stick to your guns on this one. Don't apologize, just keep telling dcp's your rules and consequences. You did the right thing and don't let them make you feel bad for doing what you did? Spitting at the table is totally unacceptable and you handled it great!

[countrymom]

on a diet already. what did you feed him that was so horrible. I think its a game the 4 yr old is now playing. You did the right thing, its called manners and you should have told dad that too.

[jen]

I agree that you handled the situation with the child appropriately, but I wouldn't have bothered with the parents. More often than not, people don't want to hear that you disciplined their child.

Unless it is very, very serious, the kind of thing I am thinking of terminating them for, I just handle it myself. The most I would have said in this situation, is "We are working on table manners, little Timmy spit his food out at the table. That's not something we do at Jen's house." And smile, smile, smile...

My reasoning is this: I'm not going to engage a parent in a conflict that I am unwilling to terminate them over and that they are unlikely to do much about anyway. My house, my rules, my problem. Things I do discuss:

Hitting, biting, or any sort of developmental issue we are working on, such as, "Little Timmy is having troubles with recognizing blue and green. We'll be addressing that here, but it would be great if you could work it in to your talks as well."

I find that negative chats with parents to an absolute minimum saves a ton of headaches and virtually eliminates turn-over. In 9 years I have never had a parent leave unless they moved or the kids grew up!

[MARSTELAC]

Countrymom: it was salad. Jen: I am finding that you are correct....when we let parents know about stuff like this, they really don't want to hear it! This is too bad...when my kids were in daycare I always wanted to know this stuff so we could all be on the same page and I could nip it and not cause my provider any grief! She had enough to do all day without having to deal with unruliness from my kids. My only problem with not telling the parents about stuff I consider unacceptable is that I send home daily notes about how much they ate, etc and when daycare dad says oh little timmy hardly ate any lunch, what do I say? They all have siblings that will share what happened at daycare that day so the parents will find out anyways I'm sure..... :-( why does it have to be so difficult some days?

[jen]

Countrymom: it was salad. Jen: I am finding that you are correct....when we let parents know about stuff like this, they really don't want to hear it! This is too bad...when my kids were in daycare I always wanted to know this stuff so we could all be on the same page and I could nip it and not cause my provider any grief! She had enough to do all day without having to deal with unruliness from my kids. My only problem with not telling the parents about stuff I consider unacceptable is that I send home daily notes about how much they ate, etc and when daycare dad says oh little timmy hardly ate any lunch, what do I say? They all have siblings that will share what happened at daycare that day so the parents will find out anyways I'm sure..... :-( why does it have to be so difficult some days?

If a parent comes back to me because of whats on a daily report or a sibling speaks up, I say something like this.

For the report: "No, he didn't eat much today. He said he didn't care for today's lunch. We did have snack a couple hours later, but I'm sure he'll eat a good dinner for you tonight."

For a tattling sibling: (BIG SMILE) Yes, Timmy had some troubles at lunch. I guess he REALLY didn't like it! I reminded him that we don't spit our food out at Jen's!"