Kind of OT. Advice Please

[Unregistered]

My parents have been married for almost 40 years. About 3 months ago, my dad came to my mom and informed her he was unhappy in the marriage. After a few months, my dad just filed for divorce.

I really don't know how to deal with this. I never thought I would need to explain divorce to my kids. I have a 4 and 6 yr old.

Has anyone else gone through this? Any advice on explaining this to my children would be great. I just don't know what to say. TYIA!

[Meyou]

When my dh and I divorced we told the kids that sometimes grownups are not happy living with other grownups after a long time so they need to live apart to be happy people and good Mommies and Daddies.

[playground1]

My parents divorced when I was an adult. Sure, it hurt, but it's not really my issue and I'm happy that they decided to improve their lives and make themselves happy.

Your kids really won't even notice that much. Just explain that they decided it would be better to live apart. You might have to answer some questions about your own marriage, so be prepared for that.

[Annalee]

My parents divorced when I was an adult. Sure, it hurt, but it's not really my issue and I'm happy that they decided to improve their lives and make themselves happy.

Your kids really won't even notice that much. Just explain that they decided it would be better to live apart. You might have to answer some questions about your own marriage, so be prepared for that.

I differ with the opinion that the kids won't even notice....My middle brother's wife left him and the teenage kids after 22 years of marriage last year....although he got the kids, every weekend/holiday/church event/wedding/funeral/meal-tme/movie/ WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! Not that I think they can't adjust, but it has shattered everyone in my family in some way! Somewhere we missed the counseling sign and we were all caught off-guard. Of course, she had someone else at the time but we didn't know that! I try to understand her losing feelings for my brother, but I DO NOT understand how any one stops being a mother to their kids....I would fight for my kids! :confused:

[playground1]

I differ with the opinion that the kids won't even notice....My middle brother's wife left him and the teenage kids after 22 years of marriage last year....although he got the kids, every weekend/holiday/church event/wedding/funeral/meal-tme/movie/ WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! Not that I think they can't adjust, but it has shattered everyone in my family in some way! Somewhere we missed the counseling sign and we were all caught off-guard. Of course, she had someone else at the time but we didn't know that! I try to understand her losing feelings for my brother, but I DO NOT understand how any one stops being a mother to their kids....I would fight for my kids! :confused:

a) The kids' parents aren't divorcing, their grandparents are. There's no reason that the grandparents can't come together on holidays to be with everyone. My parents do it.

b) These kids are little, not teenagers. "Normal" will change over time.

[Annalee]

a) The kids' parents aren't divorcing, their grandparents are. There's no reason that the grandparents can't come together on holidays to be with everyone. My parents do it.

b) These kids are little, not teenagers. "Normal" will change over time.

I am not sure age makes a huge difference for teenagers/children...I have spent countless hours consoling these teenagers....It has NOT BEEN FUN! Coming together for holidays is not necessarily amicable even for adults, either, just depends on how smooth the divorce goes! Ours didn't go smoothly and when the mom through in another man before the divorce was final it was like a bomb went off! The oldest child has become like a parent to the younger two....breaks my heart for everyone! My own mom is devastated....you can see it in her eyes....Sure, we all move on and go forward but it is NO SMALL TASK! I do not mean to get out of line, it is just a delicate subject for my family right now. Just went to a graduation the other day and it was SO SAD to me FOR EVERYONE even my sis in law whom chose to leave!

[midaycare]

Divorce is painful. I would not make a big deal out of it to your kiddos. And I definitely wouldn't talk about it while they are in the house.

My son was starting to realize around age 4-5 that not all mommies and daddies live together, and it freaked him out a little. No need to freak out your little ones.

[Angelsj]

There are good books out there for putting it into a child's terms and understanding. I would read a couple of these yourself if you need help with wording, then just answer their questions when and if they come up.

Having a big sit down right now could be upsetting. If they ask, answer gently and honestly, in terms they can understand.

[Blackcat31]

I differ with the opinion that the kids won't even notice....My middle brother's wife left him and the teenage kids after 22 years of marriage last year....although he got the kids, every weekend/holiday/church event/wedding/funeral/meal-tme/movie/ WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! Not that I think they can't adjust, but it has shattered everyone in my family in some way! Somewhere we missed the counseling sign and we were all caught off-guard. Of course, she had someone else at the time but we didn't know that! I try to understand her losing feelings for my brother, but I DO NOT understand how any one stops being a mother to their kids....I would fight for my kids! :confused:

I agree. Divorce is painful at ALL ages when it happens within the family unit. Whether it is parents, grand parents or aunt/uncles... divorce IS painful and kids are and can be pretty receptive to the changes, attitudes, feelings and over all environmental changes that happen along side it.

[Annalee]

I agree. Divorce is painful at ALL ages when it happens within the family unit. Whether it is parents, grand parents or aunt/uncles... divorce IS painful and kids are and can be pretty receptive to the changes, attitudes, feelings and over all environmental changes that happen along side it.

That is my worry with my niece and nephews....divorce can be a life-altering experience!