DCG~4 Throws Heavy Rock at My Dad

[gracepatiencelove]

DCG nearly 4 threw a rock at my dad when he stopped by today. Like, a fist sized rock. She was sent immediately to time out, fought that like a heathen, kicked and screamed.

I extended her trial period when she had some unruly but not necessarily violent behaviors (just very diruptive) her 1st two weeks.

Day one of extended trial she bit me (not hard, I yanked my hand away fast enough that she just scraped teeth). [It turns out she was termed from a center for biting hard enough to cause bleeeding which I was NOT told.]

Day two she shoved a 18mo hard enought to knock him down and scare him.

Day three, today, she THREW A ROCK AT MY DAD. They KNOW not to throw rocks so there is no way it was an accident (especially because it takes some good aim to hit a person with a rock!). I think her mom told her she would come get her if she misbehaved because soon after she cried, "I just want to go home."

I adore her brother. I like DCG. But there seems to be no rhyme or reason to when she acts out. DCM knows that trial can be shortened/termed for violent behavior.

Would you give them 2 weeks or tell them they're done? Do/should I offer to keep brother? Is there anything else I could/should try to make it work?

[gracepatiencelove]

And, she was being supervised closely (she always is). She was standing RIGHT next to me when it happened. I was distracted by my own 17mo falling and getting hurt badly (bad cut on his head) and still kept her right next to me. I don't even know where she got the rock because I thought I cleared them all out ages ago!

[Play Care]

Hitting, biting and rock throwing, oh my!

DONE!!!

I would not give a child who BIT me two weeks to assault me some more.

[Play Care]

Oh, and clearly mom must allow it because if my child behaved that way, rest assured they would NOT want to come home

[ihop]

I'd term. 4 is way too old to excuse that sort of behavior. I would also be concerned that they were hiding the biting from you. I consider any biting past two years old serious, termable behavior.
:hug: sorry you are dealing with this.

[llpa]

DCG nearly 4 threw a rock at my dad when he stopped by today. Like, a fist sized rock. She was sent immediately to time out, fought that like a heathen, kicked and screamed.

I extended her trial period when she had some unruly but not necessarily violent behaviors (just very diruptive) her 1st two weeks.

Day one of extended trial she bit me (not hard, I yanked my hand away fast enough that she just scraped teeth). [It turns out she was termed from a center for biting hard enough to cause bleeeding which I was NOT told.]

Day two she shoved a 18mo hard enought to knock him down and scare him.

Day three, today, she THREW A ROCK AT MY DAD. They KNOW not to throw rocks so there is no way it was an accident (especially because it takes some good aim to hit a person with a rock!). I think her mom told her she would come get her if she misbehaved because soon after she cried, "I just want to go home."

I adore her brother. I like DCG. But there seems to be no rhyme or reason to when she acts out. DCM knows that trial can be shortened/termed for violent behavior.

Would you give them 2 weeks or tell them they're done? Do/should I offer to keep brother? Is there anything else I could/should try to make it work?

If this is her extended trial period, I would be calling mom to pick up for good! Honestly? She is like a loaded cannon and the "I just want to go home" is sad. Her mom needs to deal with what is going on with her. You may want to keep trying, but she could hurt others in your care. Good luck :hug:

[gracepatiencelove]

Hitting, biting and rock throwing, oh my!

DONE!!!

I would not give a child who BIT me two weeks to assault me some more.

Ugh. I know. I am NOT mad at her (I really think mom plays a BIG role in this). But I am so upset and frustrated. I do have other kids lined up so I'm not worried about income. I just want to be fair to DCG. I think I am #5 or 6 on the care arrangements list. DCM has told me I am her last shot (she walks, I live in the city) and then she will have to quit her job til school. I feel SO bad about it because DCM is signle and HAS to work but... I don't want to get hurt and I'm scared that she might really hurt the other kids.

[nannyde]

She needs to go today. She needs her own adult who us trained to properly restrain her and take her to the ground. She could really hurt someone. A rock that size aimed at the head of an infant could kill the baby.

She needs intense inpatient therapy. She can't get the trained adult at your house. She needs that today so she needs to be gone today. Offer to keep the brother. They won't do it because they need the brother as bait to take on and keep the sister. If a provider gets both kids she will be hesitant to term because she doesn't want to loose two slots. This buys the parent time she wouldn't get if the older kid was a stand alone slot.

[Lucy]

I vote for bye bye today. I know it's hard, but with the problem at the previous center, and her troubles with you, it's going to get worse before it gets better.

[childcaremom]

It turns out she was termed from a center for biting hard enough to cause bleeeding which I was NOT told.

I don't know how much you knew going into this situation but ^^^^ concerns me... how much don't you know?

If you have been made aware that there were issues and were willing to work with them for a trial period I would not see the need to extend the trial period beyond this minute. What if it was another dck? There is so much liability with those aggressive behaviours. Can you imagine she had hit a dck with that rock? And she is 4?

I, personally, would have drawn the line at the biting of you, never mind the other behaviours. I would be calling for immediate pick up and be done.

Maybe it's acting out, maybe it's attention seeking. But she needs that from someone who is not responsible for the safety of a group of children because she is a huge liability.

If mom is telling her that she will get picked up if she misbehaves, that is on mom. Not your problem. Get her out of there.

[gracepatiencelove]

She needs to go today. She needs her own adult who us trained to properly restrain her and take her to the ground. She could really hurt someone. A rock that size aimed at the head of an infant could kill the baby.

She needs intense inpatient therapy. She can't get the trained adult at your house. She needs that today so she needs to be gone today. Offer to keep the brother. They won't do it because they need the brother as bait to take on and keep the sister. If a provider gets both kids she will be hesitant to term because she doesn't want to loose two slots. This buys the parent time she wouldn't get if the older kid was a stand alone slot.

You're right. It is way too much of a risk to keep her around. I can't save them all. I'm writing up a term letter now and I will accompany it with a short explanation. I am going to point out the infant thing because i do have a little peanut that overlaps with her some days.

[Retired]

DCG nearly 4 threw a rock at my dad when he stopped by today. Like, a fist sized rock. She was sent immediately to time out, fought that like a heathen, kicked and screamed.

I extended her trial period when she had some unruly but not necessarily violent behaviors (just very diruptive) her 1st two weeks.

Day one of extended trial she bit me (not hard, I yanked my hand away fast enough that she just scraped teeth). [It turns out she was termed from a center for biting hard enough to cause bleeeding which I was NOT told.]

Day two she shoved a 18mo hard enought to knock him down and scare him.

Day three, today, she THREW A ROCK AT MY DAD. They KNOW not to throw rocks so there is no way it was an accident (especially because it takes some good aim to hit a person with a rock!). I think her mom told her she would come get her if she misbehaved because soon after she cried, "I just want to go home."

I adore her brother. I like DCG. But there seems to be no rhyme or reason to when she acts out. DCM knows that trial can be shortened/termed for violent behavior.

Would you give them 2 weeks or tell them they're done? Do/should I offer to keep brother? Is there anything else I could/should try to make it work?

Trial over. It shoulda have been day two. This child has issues. I would try to talk to mom, especially if she is hiding things. Sounds like the child is being abused or seeing abuse at home. This not normal aggression. I would ask mom why she thinks she's acting over and depending on her answer possibly call CPS. Terminate both. This is a family, especially with hiding information, I wouldn't want to be around. She's four. She's going to end hurting another child (badly if she's drawing blood and doesn't stop) way before you do her any good. Mom is going to probably say "She never does this/no one told me".

[Retired]

I'd term. 4 is way too old to excuse that sort of behavior. I would also be concerned that they were hiding the biting from you. I consider any biting past two years old serious, termable behavior.
:hug: sorry you are dealing with this.

Same. If a child is able to talk, biting is not acceptable behavior. Biting is only "acceptable" to me when it's a sped child or a child who can't talk. I never too biters period.

[gracepatiencelove]

I don't know how much you knew going into this situation but ^^^^ concerns me... how much don't you know?

Evidently a LOT!

I was told she was termed from ONE center due to behavior issues that were fixed with glasses. And she was good for the first week. Second week, not so great. I learned enough from this forum to do the trial period. She wasn't BAD or violent during the second week of trial, just trying... didn't want to sit in time out when she threw toys, tried to yell at me, taking toys from kids. Not VIOLENT stuff. Then I extended trial due to the very big napping issue (throws her body around at nap time, yells into her cot, etc) since you have to have naptime to stay here (with some exceptions but def not exceptiosn for a kid her age!).

THEN all of this happens the next day. I would bet her mom went home the night I said "extended trial" and threatened her that she would have to stay home and mom would have to stay home and quit her job if she acted up.

I am terming today. I wonder how much else I don't know. This girl is like night and day in behaviors. My mom subs for me and does not believe it because she can be a perfect little angel and funny and kind and then BAM.

[gracepatiencelove]

Trial over. It shoulda have been day two. This child has issues. I would try to talk to mom, especially if she is hiding things. Sounds like the child is being abused or seeing abuse at home. This not normal aggression. I would ask mom why she thinks she's acting over and depending on her answer possibly call CPS. Terminate both. This is a family, especially with hiding information, I wouldn't want to be around. She's four. She's going to end hurting another child (badly if she's drawing blood and doesn't stop) way before you do her any good. Mom is going to probably say "She never does this/no one told me".

Oh, she knows. I have been keeping a log of incidents with dates/times, etc since I extended trial. She KNOWS it is coming, especially when I reported rock incident.

Thank you all for support.