Arm Baby- Advice Needed :)

[KiddieCahoots]

She doesn't want to hold her baby all the time. She wants her baby to be able to be awake (or asleep for that matter) for at least a few minutes without being held/rocked/walked/snuggled, etc. She is tired to the bone because baby essentially cries or fusses anytime she isn't being paid attention to. Even if you are holding her if you aren't walking, bouncing, moving she fusses. If she falls asleep and you lay her down she wakes and fusses. If she is in the swing she fusses after 30 seconds. If you sit holding her to eat she fusses. My daughter can't take a shower, do any type of chore, make herself food without screaming/crying/fussing. So pretty much everyone else has to do everything for her so she can rock/walk/tend to baby or we have to rock/walk/tend to baby so she can do anything. I KNOW this isn't how most moms or daycares do it. It would be impossible to exist this way without a family of 5 tending to the mother and child together.

You are describing my 4th baby to a "T"!

She had an extreme case of acid reflux, that can be very painful for babies.

Contact your pediatrician and explain this.

After my daughter saw her pediatrician, she went on to see a specialist in gastronomy, who helped. When she was put on medication, she was a different baby, and could finally eat, sleep, and just relax....actually we all could.
My daughter was so extreme, she needed to be put on adult previcid during her grade school years to keep her comfortable, and from staying back in school due to her excessive absences. And later an endoscopy of her esophagus to make sure she didn't have holes due to the back up of stomach acid.

[KiddieCahoots]

Sorry.....
If the baby actually has acid reflux, I should've added that most babies outgrow this, usually starting around 6 months of age.
My daughter was an extreme case.

But still.....contact your pediatrician and explain the symptoms the baby is having.
And don't allow the pediatrician to "down talk" what you are experiencing. Even if it isn't acid reflux, you should be able to put the baby down, even for just a little bit without the baby crying.
Some pediatricians have tried to "down talk" to the parents of babies that have been in my care, only to later be diagnosed with acid reflux or gurd. And once they were on medication, same as my daughter, finally happy, comfortable babies.

[SignMeUp]

And not to be discouraging, but just for the childcare angle, I had an infant with severe reflux the year before our state revoked parental permission for sleep position. The doctor wrote a prescription for a particular piece of 'sleep & play' equipment, which is where this infant slept. This equipment put the baby at the proper angle to help prevent reflux during sleep.
All run by licensing, all approved. But it would not be any more because all infants must sleep in a crib or pac 'n' play.

I would not be able to provide the care that this infant needed anymore.
I hope this never happens again; this was a family with an older child I had since infancy also, and I would have been so sad to have to refuse their baby because of the reflux needs. But there is no provision in licensing rules for infants who need this for appropriate care.

[KiddieCahoots]

And not to be discouraging, but just for the childcare angle, I had an infant with severe reflux the year before our state revoked parental permission for sleep position. The doctor wrote a prescription for a particular piece of 'sleep & play' equipment, which is where this infant slept. This equipment put the baby at the proper angle to help prevent reflux during sleep.
All run by licensing, all approved. But it would not be any more because all infants must sleep in a crib or pac 'n' play.

I would not be able to provide the care that this infant needed anymore.
I hope this never happens again; this was a family with an older child I had since infancy also, and I would have been so sad to have to refuse their baby because of the reflux needs. But there is no provision in licensing rules for infants who need this for appropriate care.

your right SignMeUp!
My daughter's severe condition was the deciding point for me to obtain my child care license.

Don't get discouraged though JoseyJo! If it does get diagnosed as reflux, some of my more severe babes responded extremely well to medication. And I will care for reflux babes because I've dealt with my own daughter's reflux, and know how to work with families on the issue. So...just saying, there are providers out there who will work with you.

[SignMeUp]

Don't get discouraged though JoseyJo! If it does get diagnosed as reflux, some of my more severe babes responded extremely well to medication. And I will care for reflux babes because I've dealt with my own daughter's reflux, and know how to work with families on the issue. So...just saying, there are providers out there who will work with you.

I'm glad you put the positive spin back on this, KiddieCahoots. I also have had a couple of other children with reflux and they were absolutely fine on medication, and using specific bottles (Dr. Brown's, I believe).

[MotherNature]

In the meantime, you and your daughter should look up high need babies/ spirited babies. I felt like I was the only one until I ran across the term. My 3rd is so unlike my other kids, and is extremely challenging. Finding others in the same position helps, especially to get tips from.

[Oss_cc]

In the meantime, you and your daughter should look up high need babies/ spirited babies. I felt like I was the only one until I ran across the term. My 3rd is so unlike my other kids, and is extremely challenging. Finding others in the same position helps, especially to get tips from.

My first (DD) was like this. My second (DS) was so easy compared to my first that I thought something was wrong .
DCG 11 months is 10x higher needs than my DD. Kids have their own personalities and some are just more work than others!

[Heidi]

The PP's had some great ideas, but, what I think you're wanting to hear is that it's OK for your daughter to put her down, EVEN IF THAT MEANS SHE"S CRYING.

So, feed, diaper, etc. Snuggle (swaddle if allowed in your state), and put her down. Then, go take your shower! Go eat your lunch! IT"S OKAY!

You can take 10 minutes to tend to your own needs, and then go right back to holding her, if you want. Crying for 10 minutes will not hurt her.

In fact, if you remember our shaken baby syndrome training...this was one of the things we SHOULD do if overwhelmed! Give yourself a "time out"...or in this case, time away.

I would also recommend that if she is crying in bed, she try the "shhhh" and tummy rubbing vs. picking her up. Put a chair next to the basinet, and try that. Maybe that'll help, and she will slowly become accustomed to her bed. Also, if you are walking/jiggling/bouncing etc, and it's not making her stop crying, then why do it...maybe she needs LESS stimulation, not more. Try cooling down the room, bringing down the lights, a swaddling sack, and less motion.

Elevating the head side of the bed slightly, with blocks or something under the head end, might also help, if reflux is indeed the issue.

Honestly, if she's just super gassy, I would try some different formulas. My own kids HAD to have low-iron formula (not sure if that's made anymore). My dcb (now 11 months) switched to a 'Gentle" one, which helped a lot! scratch that....she's breastfed...sorry!

[JoseyJo]

The PP's had some great ideas, but, what I think you're wanting to hear is that it's OK for your daughter to put her down, EVEN IF THAT MEANS SHE"S CRYING.

So, feed, diaper, etc. Snuggle (swaddle if allowed in your state), and put her down. Then, go take your shower! Go eat your lunch! IT"S OKAY!

You can take 10 minutes to tend to your own needs, and then go right back to picking helping her.

I would also recommend that if she is crying in bed, she try the "shhhh" and tummy rubbing vs. picking her up. Put a chair next to the basinet, and try that. Maybe that'll help, and she will slowly become accustomed to her bed.

Elevating the head side of the bed slightly, with blocks or something under the head end, might also help, if reflux is indeed the issue.

Honestly, if she's just super gassy, I would try some different formulas. My own kids HAD to have low-iron formula (not sure if that's made anymore). My dcb (now 11 months) switched to a 'Gentle" one, which helped a lot! scratch that....she's breastfed...sorry!

LOL! That is what I want to hear, just want it to really be true too My daughter herself was VERY fussy (we called it colic back then)- we tried everything but nothing helped. She finally outgrew it about 7 months old. She may have had acid reflux, they didn't check for that back then. I didn't work when she was little so I literally never put her down. I carried her in a football hold for the first 7 months of her life and co-slept with her (not because I wanted to but just because of the constant crying- those things brought it down to a constant whimper)

Grandbaby's tummy is almost always tense to the touch, she passes gas often and has a BM after each feeding. My DD has tried baby massage on her intestinal tract and that seems to help clear out the gas and make her more comfortable but it takes almost an hour to get all the gas worked out and during that time she is crying more because you are massaging her bloated tummy

Another question I have (I have done daycare for 5 years, but I never take babies!) She puts her on a positional sleeper in her bassinet (I'll post a pic of it if I can figure out how) or lets her sleep in a swing- the kind that lays almost flat- or co-sleeps with her just because she (my dd) is SO sleep deprived and she is willing to do anything to just get her to sleep! Suggestions?

Edited to add pics- can't figure out how to put them in the post but here's the link

https://plus.google.com/photos/107132902283363310814/albums/6020340108105519793

[Heidi]

LOL! That is what I want to hear, just want it to really be true too My daughter herself was VERY fussy (we called it colic back then)- we tried everything but nothing helped. She finally outgrew it about 7 months old. She may have had acid reflux, they didn't check for that back then. I didn't work when she was little so I literally never put her down. I carried her in a football hold for the first 7 months of her life and co-slept with her (not because I wanted to but just because of the constant crying- those things brought it down to a constant whimper)

Grandbaby's tummy is almost always tense to the touch, she passes gas often and has a BM after each feeding. My DD has tried baby massage on her intestinal tract and that seems to help clear out the gas and make her more comfortable but it takes almost an hour to get all the gas worked out and during that time she is crying more because you are massaging her bloated tummy

Another question I have (I have done daycare for 5 years, but I never take babies!) She puts her on a positional sleeper in her bassinet (I'll post a pic of it if I can figure out how) or lets her sleep in a swing- the kind that lays almost flat- or co-sleeps with her just because she (my dd) is SO sleep deprived and she is willing to do anything to just get her to sleep! Suggestions?

The positional sleeper...is it the Nap Nanny thing? If so, cut it to pieces and throw it away! There was just a thing shared here about them. Very dangerous!

The problem I see with the swing, if it's flat, is that her dcp is not going to be able to do that. So, at some point, she will have to be trained away from it. So, how is she going to feel when her very kind dcp tells her after a week or a month that she just can't take the crying? What if she ends up going through 2 or 3 daycares in the first 6 months? You know that's what will most likely happen if she swing sleeps.

So...if she is in this positional sleeper, she's content for a while?

Has mom looked at her diet regarding the gas?

Have you tried gas relief drops?

[JoseyJo]

The positional sleeper...is it the Nap Nanny thing? If so, cut it to pieces and throw it away! There was just a thing shared here about them. Very dangerous!

The problem I see with the swing, if it's flat, is that her dcp is not going to be able to do that. So, at some point, she will have to be trained away from it. So, how is she going to feel when her very kind dcp tells her after a week or a month that she just can't take the crying? What if she ends up going through 2 or 3 daycares in the first 6 months? You know that's what will most likely happen if she swing sleeps.

So...if she is in this positional sleeper, she's content for a while?

Has mom looked at her diet regarding the gas?

Have you tried gas relief drops?

I agree totally with the sleep issue- I don't want her to have problems with daycare since I know she will be going there in a few months! The problem is the advice from everyone that if she cries she should be attended to- what to do if she cries all the time? THAT is why she is resorting to the positioner, swing and co-sleeping- because she is told if the baby is crying she needs to DO something about it.

When GB is very obviously tired the only way to get her to sleep is walking, rocking, in the swing. As long as you don't try to move her she will sleep an hour or so at a time in one of those positions (variable, my DD just tries it all until she goes to sleep). If she has to put her down in the bassinet she will stay there longer with the positional sleeper, like maybe 10 min instead of instant crying ramping up to screaming.

I keep telling my daughter it may be her diet but EVERY time she brings it up to dr/nurse/BF clinic/WIC etc they say that no, mom's diet doesn't affect baby when BF. THat wasn't the case when I BF mine, but I don't know what to tell her when the "experts" are telling her that it doesn't matter what she eats.

She has tried gas drops. GB likes the taste so she stops fussing for 30 seconds or so but they dont seem to do anything. She still tries them every time GB's tummy is super hard. The only thing so far that has worked to get the tummy soft is baby massage on the intestinal tract but it took over an hour to get all the gas worked out. Then GB slept in her bassinet for 4 hours! She woke up with a hard belly again and back to fussing.

She has also tried peppermint tea (cooled and sweetened, 1 oz in a bottle), every hold known to (wo)man, clothing changes to try to account for too cold/hot, bath/lotion before laying her down, and music.

[KiddieCahoots]

LOL! That is what I want to hear, just want it to really be true too My daughter herself was VERY fussy (we called it colic back then)- we tried everything but nothing helped. She finally outgrew it about 7 months old. She may have had acid reflux, they didn't check for that back then. I didn't work when she was little so I literally never put her down. I carried her in a football hold for the first 7 months of her life and co-slept with her (not because I wanted to but just because of the constant crying- those things brought it down to a constant whimper)

Grandbaby's tummy is almost always tense to the touch, she passes gas often and has a BM after each feeding. My DD has tried baby massage on her intestinal tract and that seems to help clear out the gas and make her more comfortable but it takes almost an hour to get all the gas worked out and during that time she is crying more because you are massaging her bloated tummy

Not being critical or assuming in any way
What your describing...gas, food intolerances, food allergies, reflux? I'm sure you know these all cause a baby discomfort and pain to different degrees. With today's diagnostic abilities, there are many remedies that can be taken to help alleviate the baby's pain and discomfort.
Even though I mentioned earlier that I accept the care of babies that have these issues, I will only continue to work with these families if we remedy the babies pain.

[JoseyJo]

Not being critical or assuming in any way
What your describing...gas, food intolerances, food allergies, reflux? I'm sure you know these all cause a baby discomfort and pain to different degrees. With today's diagnostic abilities, there are many remedies that can be taken to help alleviate the baby's pain and discomfort.
Even though I mentioned earlier that I accept the care of babies that have these issues, I will only continue to work with these families if we remedy the babies pain.

I agree- I think she has gas, food intolerances, food allergies, reflux, something like that. What to DO about it? She has taken her into every place she can think of and everyone just poo-poo's her (young first time mom syndrome I think) and tells her it's normal.

[KiddieCahoots]

Her diet most certainly can cause issues for the baby.

Try insisting that the pediatrician send you to a specialist. A gastrologist.
Maybe even find a new pediatrician.

[Heidi]

I agree- I think she has gas, food intolerances, food allergies, reflux, something like that. What to DO about it? She has taken her into every place she can think of and everyone just poo-poo's her (young first time mom syndrome I think) and tells her it's normal.

If her tummy really is hard and that is why she's crying, I would have your daughter try a bland diet for a week, and see what happens. No "gassy" veggies, no milk.

You have to eliminate any medical reasons first. Then, you can develop good sleep habits. It wouldn't be fair to do so when she's clearly in pain.

Also...please direct her (after reading a little yourself) to Magda Gerber's work.

http://www.magdagerber.org/

Magda wrote "your self confident baby". Her approach is both respectful, and encouraging of independence. You can do both!