Arm Baby- Advice Needed :)

[JoseyJo]

My new grandbaby is 3 weeks old. The doctor, nurses at hospital,breastfeeding clinic, and internet keep telling her she "can't spoil a newborn" "her needs are same as wants" and that she isn't doing her job if she isn't picking her up every time she cries. I keep telling her she doesn't need to hold her constantly and since she is planning on going back to work she shouldn't train her to be held all the time because it won't happen at daycare. Grandbaby is pretty gassy and does fuss alot because of it. What do the experts at daycare.com say?

[melonieb]

My new grandbaby is 3 weeks old. The doctor, nurses at hospital,breastfeeding clinic, and internet keep telling her she "can't spoil a newborn" "her needs are same as wants" and that she isn't doing her job if she isn't picking her up every time she cries. I keep telling her she doesn't need to hold her constantly and since she is planning on going back to work she shouldn't train her to be held all the time because it won't happen at daycare. Grandbaby is pretty gassy and does fuss alot because of it. What do the experts at daycare.com say?

i currently have a breastfed baby, 9 month old. she can be a handful at times. this week has been the worst. she screamed continuously, not sleeping well unless cuddled with me. Mom co-sleeps so child can feed during night, mom doesnt believe in CIO. i believe that the child will be ok if allowed to cry every once and a while. being 3 weeks old, your grandbaby will get in the habit of just whining to get picked up. i would break the habit before its gets worst. is this her first child?

[JoseyJo]

i currently have a breastfed baby, 9 month old. she can be a handful at times. this week has been the worst. she screamed continuously, not sleeping well unless cuddled with me. Mom co-sleeps so child can feed during night, mom doesnt believe in CIO. i believe that the child will be ok if allowed to cry every once and a while. being 3 weeks old, your grandbaby will get in the habit of just whining to get picked up. i would break the habit before its gets worst. is this her first child?

Yes, 19yo and first child! She is staying with me for the next month or so, then she will be getting her own place and going back to work. The plan is for me to watch gb for a few months, then enroll her in a daycare at 3 months old or so (when I go back to work). I closed my daycare and am in school, going back to work in the fall.

I also think that she will get into the habit of whining to be picked up, but DD is afraid that she is parenting "wrong" if she doesn't tend to her every "need". The advice she is getting is that every time the baby cries or fusses it is because she has a need that isn't being met. Even if she is fed, changed, burped, etc the need may be comfort, closeness, love/affection and if DD doesn't meet those needs immediately then grandbaby will be ill adjusted.

[cheerfuldom]

Yes, 19yo and first child! She is staying with me for the next month or so, then she will be getting her own place and going back to work. The plan is for me to watch gb for a few months, then enroll her in a daycare at 3 months old or so (when I go back to work). I closed my daycare and am in school, going back to work in the fall.

I also think that she will get into the habit of whining to be picked up, but DD is afraid that she is parenting "wrong" if she doesn't tend to her every "need". The advice she is getting is that every time the baby cries or fusses it is because she has a need that isn't being met. Even if she is fed, changed, burped, etc the need may be comfort, closeness, love/affection and if DD doesn't meet those needs immediately then grandbaby will be ill adjusted.

at three weeks old and with mom there to tend to baby, I would just leave it alone. Rather a young mom be over attached than under attached, you know? since you will be caring for baby in a bit, I would then start gently working toward a routine. At three weeks, if mama wants to hold baby all the time, go for it. The time passes quickly as it is. I personally think on demand for a newborn is a-ok! life will force mama and baby to detach before too long with work/school so it will happen no matter what pretty soon. I dont think you can "teach" a 3 week old anything so I wouldnt even try to schedule or force independent time. Now if baby is happy laying down, I would encourage mom to leave a happy baby alone! Some moms make it worse by constantly burping, changing and fussing over a baby till they get overstimulated and really start crying.

[KiddieCahoots]

I'm a mom of five breastfed babies. As all babies have different characters, they all were different with breastfeeding too. Some of my fussier babes had food intolerances that I needed to adjust my diet, in order for them to be more comfortable with less gas, and less fussiness. I would start here.
Dairy....shellfish....nuts....eggs
I would have to cut one at a time from the group, for at least two weeks to get out of my milk supply, and then observe the baby to see if that made a difference.
There are a lot of foods that can also cause gassiness, chocolate and broccoli are some of them.
Here is a more extensive list of foods that can cause allergies, that may help.

http://www.chop.edu/service/breastfeeding-and-lactation/breastfeeding-babies-with-special-needs/breastfeeding-a-baby-with-food-allergies.html

[e.j.]

My new grandbaby is 3 weeks old. The doctor, nurses at hospital,breastfeeding clinic, and internet keep telling her she "can't spoil a newborn" "her needs are same as wants" and that she isn't doing her job if she isn't picking her up every time she cries. I keep telling her she doesn't need to hold her constantly and since she is planning on going back to work she shouldn't train her to be held all the time because it won't happen at daycare. Grandbaby is pretty gassy and does fuss alot because of it. What do the experts at daycare.com say?

I'm probably going to be the odd man out but for a baby that young, I agree with the doctors and nurses and would be responding to her each time she cries. There's a difference between holding her constantly and responding to her needs/wants. If she's very gassy, she's fussing because she's uncomfortable. I'd maybe ask the dr. for ideas on preventing/relieving the gas. It could be your dd is eating something that's causing the gas.

[playground1]

I'm probably going to be the odd man out but for a baby that young, I agree with the doctors and nurses and would be responding to her each time she cries. There's a difference between holding her constantly and responding to her needs/wants. If she's very gassy, she's fussing because she's uncomfortable. I'd maybe ask the dr. for ideas on preventing/relieving the gas. It could be your dd is eating something that's causing the gas.

Nope, I agree as well. And most experts agree. A baby at that age really does need closeness and cuddling and I don't believe there's a good reason not to be there for them.

That being said, I am a mom to four and the last two are 18 months apart. So there were times that I was unable to pick him up and carry him around, for reasons of safety or sometimes sanity. I used a sling a lot. When they weren't being held but were fussy, they were eye level with me while I did whatever stuff I needed to do. They were still with me, kwim?

I do agree that babies that are going to go into day care need to be prepared for it. I apparently do thing differently than a lot of DCPs so, probably someone else could better say what the best way to prepare them is.

Grandbaby is pretty gassy and does fuss alot because of it.

I don't understand this. She's gassy because she's being picked up?

[preschoolteacher]

I agree with the doctors and nurses. Let the mom bond with her baby! Three weeks is so young. She has plenty of time to be independent later.

[Chellieleanne]

I agree I birth the doctor. Let her bond and fuss over her baby. I co slept, i made sure every need was tended to for my babies, and they are just fine. Only when I knew all their needs had been met and they were still fussy, then I would leave them be unless a full out screaming fit started. Babies sometimes cry and fuss just because, nothing wrong with it but only if all other needs have been met.

[debbiedoeszip]

I agree as well with the advice she's been given as well. At this stage, the baby needs to have the crying addressed, even if all anyone can do is hold her and try to comfort her. I know that in the US that maternity leave ends around six weeks post-partum, and that she might be needy for the daycare provider, but I'd go the route of finding the right provider (maybe someone willing to baby wear, or a provider who will only have a few children?) rather than training her to accept that her crying will be ignored.

[nannyde]

Three week old held a lot. No sleeping in swings. On back in hard surface crib and put to bed wide awake.

[MotherNature]

I totally agree with the doctors, nurses, etc. You really can't spoil a newborn; you can meet their needs. Especially a 3week old..has needs, including feeling mom a lot. They just got out of the womb, constantly snuggled and embraced inside mom. They don't know how to adjust yet, and will learn by having their needs met, especially for security by holding.

[JenNJ]

I'm probably going to be the odd man out but for a baby that young, I agree with the doctors and nurses and would be responding to her each time she cries. There's a difference between holding her constantly and responding to her needs/wants. If she's very gassy, she's fussing because she's uncomfortable. I'd maybe ask the dr. for ideas on preventing/relieving the gas. It could be your dd is eating something that's causing the gas.

At three weeks old, she should absolutely be responding to every cry. Put baby down when she is almost asleep and content. If she yells, give her a soothing pat or snuggle and try again. At three weeks old she needs to be bonding with her mom and mom responding to each cry is very important to meet that goal.

[Blackcat31]

I agree as well with the advice she's been given as well. At this stage, the baby needs to have the crying addressed, even if all anyone can do is hold her and try to comfort her. I know that in the US that maternity leave ends around six weeks post-partum, and that she might be needy for the daycare provider, but I'd go the route of finding the right provider (maybe someone willing to baby wear, or a provider who will only have a few children?) rather than training her to accept that her crying will be ignored.

This. The bolded part is the next step. Parents need to make sure they find a provider that DOES offer what their child NEEDS.

There are so many different types of providers that if ALL parents did that, there would be so many less issues in regards to this issue.

I know there is a lack of infant care in some areas but I'd keep looking until I found the right one, no matter what. That is just SOOOO important imho.

[JoseyJo]

She doesn't want to hold her baby all the time. She wants her baby to be able to be awake (or asleep for that matter) for at least a few minutes without being held/rocked/walked/snuggled, etc. She is tired to the bone because baby essentially cries or fusses anytime she isn't being paid attention to. Even if you are holding her if you aren't walking, bouncing, moving she fusses. If she falls asleep and you lay her down she wakes and fusses. If she is in the swing she fusses after 30 seconds. If you sit holding her to eat she fusses. My daughter can't take a shower, do any type of chore, make herself food without screaming/crying/fussing. So pretty much everyone else has to do everything for her so she can rock/walk/tend to baby or we have to rock/walk/tend to baby so she can do anything. I KNOW this isn't how most moms or daycares do it. It would be impossible to exist this way without a family of 5 tending to the mother and child together.