Meal time issues

[preschoolteacher]

Thank you for all of the replies. I feel better just knowing how other providers do things. Preschoolteacher, you are definitely right. I think I do discuss too much with this family. The issue is that I started out taking care of their children in their own home 2 years ago and just made the switch to our home so I could add more children about 8 months ago. Dcg was a preemie and had some medical concerns at the beginning so mom discussed everything with me b/c of this. Now that weight is no longer an issue and medical conditions are all taken care of, we've unfortunately just continued with the cycle. Also, dcg is very sensitive and "tattles" to mom about almost everything. So things are often brought up to me such as "Why did I feel a time out for such-and-such was necessary?" or "Why wasn't she allowed to have extra juice?" etc. Unfortunately I allowed myself to take the defensive and that's just where we've stayed. I need to figure out how to move from constantly defending my actions to just boldly stating, "This is a set rule for every child in my care," and leave it at that.

Sounds like the parents still see you as their employee. They expect to be able to tell you what do to. In reality, you own your own business now, and you set the rules.

From your writing, I get the sense that you are professional and serious about doing childcare... not just watching kids for some extra cash (nothing against that). Do you have a contract with your families? A policy handbook? I'd recommend creating a policy handbook at the least. You can find lots of help with that here on the forum. That way, the parents will have it clearly laid out how you are running your daycare.

[Heidi]

Thank you for all of the replies. I feel better just knowing how other providers do things. Preschoolteacher, you are definitely right. I think I do discuss too much with this family. The issue is that I started out taking care of their children in their own home 2 years ago and just made the switch to our home so I could add more children about 8 months ago. Dcg was a preemie and had some medical concerns at the beginning so mom discussed everything with me b/c of this. Now that weight is no longer an issue and medical conditions are all taken care of, we've unfortunately just continued with the cycle. Also, dcg is very sensitive and "tattles" to mom about almost everything. So things are often brought up to me such as "Why did I feel a time out for such-and-such was necessary?" or "Why wasn't she allowed to have extra juice?" etc. Unfortunately I allowed myself to take the defensive and that's just where we've stayed. I need to figure out how to move from constantly defending my actions to just boldly stating, "This is a set rule for every child in my care," and leave it at that.

One thing you will hear again and again here is that you are providing GROUP care. You are no longer their personal nanny, you are a childcare provider running a childcare program.

Why wasn't she allowed to have extra juice? "Because I felt she had enough".

Why aren't you serving juice any longer? "Because I made the decision, based on my research, that the children would benefit from drinking more water and less sugar-laden juice".

Do you have a policy manual? If not, maybe time to develop one. I'd be happy to share mine (and probably so would others here). You can take what ever you like from it. Just PM me and I will direct you to my website, where it's posted.

[WImom]

I give juice once with one of the snacks and then milk at lunch (1 serving) and then it's water for the rest of the day.

They have to ask to be excused to leave the table.

They do not get more food unless they have eaten everything else first. If I give 2 veggies mixed I will sometimes let them just eat one if I know for sure the child doesn't like that one.

[cheerfuldom]

Hello. I am new to the forum and have been wondering how other DCP handle some of the issues that arise during meal time. Any insight would be appreciated.
-I've been limiting juice and milk during the day mainly b/c I was spending $15 a week on juice for one of my dck and that didn't include any of his food or even juice for his sister. Their mom feels they should have juice if they ask for it, but I feel like one cup of juice, one cup of milk, and then switching to water for the day should be sufficient. This however results in huge tantrums with a screaming child laying in my floor all afternoon.
-Do you give preschoolers seconds on lunch if they haven't cleared their plates first? I typically have about 4 items on my lunch menu: a meat, grain, veggie, and fruit. One of my dck will pick one item she really likes and sometimes ask for 3 servings, but she leaves all of the other food on her plate. I don't want to be unfair, but again that raises my food cost significantly and I am throwing away a plate full of food from her at every meal.
-Do you think it's appropriate to expect preschoolers to sit at the table together for 10 minutes at meal time whether they are hungry or not? I typically set the timer and say everyone stays at the table until it goes off and we talk about our day, etc. However, I've been told this is too much to expect from attention spans at this time. My concern is that some of them are so hyper they will not stop to eat unless they are made to and then they complain they are hungry all afternoon.
-Finally, one of my dcf do not encourage their children to use their silverware so their children's hands are always extremely sticky and then they wipe them on my walls and the children beside them. I am working hard to teach them manners, but their mom feels I am too hard on them. I regularly hear, "These behaviors are to be expected with 2 and 3 year olds." I'm so tired of being dismissed when I bring up concerns. Anyway, just wondered if I'm being overly controlling, or how you would handle similar situations. Thanks!

I don't offer juice at all. It is completely unneccessary. Milk and water only. No seconds till they eat everything on their plate. Everyone stays at the table for 30 minutes here for lunch. if you are done, fine, but you dont get down. I dont tell the parents about any meal time struggles, total waste of time. I set my rules for care here, the kids pick it up quickly and thats that. The only time I discuss anything with the parents is if they ask first or if it is extreme term-worthy behavior. Besides that, I take care of things because parents are rarely a help in solving issues here at care.....that is my job, not theirs. That said, I don't care if a 2 or even 3 year old uses their hands. The parents send their lunches but for snacks, I dont offer messy foods. Everything is cubed items, crackers and other finger foods so they rarely need silverware. That is what is easier for me. For lunch, I serve what the parents packed but the kids are offered all the non messy foods first. That takes care of about 90% of the battle. If a child was still making a horrendous mess, I would just tell mom that she needs to send finger foods only for now while little JR practices spoons/forks at home.