ugh! Enrolling older infants is NOT for me...

[craftymissbeth]

I think they scream cause it works at home. You just have to teach them it doesn't work in DC. I had one DCB 7 mths & a DCG 11 mth scream the same way. I would walk in once to lay him/her back down with no eye contact, tell them they were fine & leave the room. Day 2 I took a littler longer to lay them down before I did it as well as day 3, but I said nothing. Always with no eye contact. I never went in on day 4, 5 or anymore. It only took about week for him/her to learn it doesn't work here.

As a side note, DCG parents used the same technique at home & she doesn't scream anymore there. As for the DCB, he still does at home, cuz it works for him. He will be 2 in July & doesn't scream in DC though.

[craftymissbeth]

They scream because the can't communicate any other way. This thread makes me angry and sad. I absolutely understand not wanting to work with babies and the needs of a carer being different from a parent, but some of you are using "self-soothing" as a way to ignore the infants needs.

I don't feel like arguing with anyone here, because I know that your minds won't be changed, but I still feel like it needs to be said.

Who is?

[Leanna]

I had an infant. Once. He was 6months and unable to do anything himself not to mention refused to be on his own for any length of time and mom was so over bearing and had to come every day to see him which added to the problem. She pulled after a week though because she couldn't handle being back at work::

I will never take under 18 months again. Maybe 2 years. I will stick to preschool age that can feed them selves and entertain themselves for a minute so I can go to the restroom

What exactly is a 6 month old supposed to do for himself????:confused:

[playground1]

Who is?

Anyone who believes that it's okay to leave a baby screaming in a bed. Anyone who believes that a child that age can be "spoiled". Anyone who suggests that a baby has been fed and diapered and is therefore crying for "no reason".

[craftymissbeth]

NM it's not worth it.

[MarinaVanessa]

They scream because the can't communicate any other way. This thread makes me angry and sad. I absolutely understand not wanting to work with babies and the needs of a carer being different from a parent, but some of you are using "self-soothing" as a way to ignore the infants needs.

I don't feel like arguing with anyone here, because I know that your minds won't be changed, but I still feel like it needs to be said.

I'm not here to argue either and I don't want to elaborate on my opinion, I just wanted to say that I agree with you Queen. If anyone is curious to know why they can dig through some previous threads about CIO.

[playground1]

I'm not trying to be confrontational, but this isn't the first time you've shown that you equate self-soothing with crying it out.

There is a lot of terminology floating around here and as I've told you before, I understand what it means. You've already provided me with links explaining why, and I still disagree. I don't believe a child under 6 months should be expected to soothe themselves.

I don't expect you to see from my side, but you've made comments here before that make it seem like you have your nose turned up to the way things are done here.

Be careful. That's the way that you do it, not the way that everyone does it. There are plenty of Americans who see it the same way I do.

And now you've made a comment saying that some of us are choosing to let our infants self soothe just so we can neglect them. It's insulting.

I certainly didn't mean it as a compliment. And I think what you've described is neglect, which is why I chose to say something. I'm familiar with all different kinds of child raising methods, there are at least 10 different nationalities in the center where I work. But some of the comments I've seen on this site just set my teeth on edge.

[craftymissbeth]

There is a lot of terminology floating around here and as I've told you before, I understand what it means. You've already provided me with links explaining why, and I still disagree.

And that's totally fine for you to disagree with it.

I don't believe a child under 6 months should be expected to soothe themselves.

This thread is about a 9 month old.

Be careful. That's the way that you do it, not the way that everyone does it. There are plenty of Americans who see it the same way I do.

And like I said, there are many different ways of child rearing. My way is not "the right way" and neither is yours. The problem is, you've said that my way is neglectful. Tell any childcare provider they're neglectful and you're going to get an earful.

I certainly didn't mean it as a compliment. And I think what you've described is neglect, which is why I chose to say something. I'm familiar with all different kinds of child raising methods, there are at least 10 different nationalities in the center where I work. But some of the comments I've seen on this site just set my teeth on edge.

[playground1]

Tell any childcare provider they're neglectful and you're going to get an earful.

Eh, I can handle it.

What I'm saying is that leaving an infant to cry is not child rearing, it's child ignoring. I've said my piece and you responded so I think we can leave it at that.

[craftymissbeth]

Anyway... Heidi, how's she doing?

[Blackcat31]

Eh, I can handle it.

What I'm saying is that leaving an infant to cry is not child rearing, it's child ignoring. I've said my piece and you responded so I think we can leave it at that.

You've made several comments on this board about your feelings as far as self-soothing and babies being left to cry.

Rather than comment on how neglectful the providers here are, please explain the method in which you would integrate a high needs infant into care while caring for multiple other children by yourself please.

FWIW, I am NOT trying to be rude or insulting, I am genuinely asking because I've noticed too that you have taken several opportunities to tell others how wrong they are but have yet to educate others about your beliefs/methods.

Condemning isn't the same as educating. One is useful, the other is hurtful.

Oh, and I am not rearing or raising anyone's child. I am NOT their parent. I provide care for them while their parents are away.

[KiddieCahoots]

Ok.......
Even though we all have our own opinions, the amount of knowledge being shared here shows a full understanding and deep level of care that goes into the babies and children we all care for.
Nit picking on a few choice words to insinuate a child is being neglected, is totally not necessary.

[playground1]

You've made several comments on this board about your feelings as far as self-soothing and babies being left to cry.

Rather than comment on how neglectful the providers here are, please explain the method in which you would integrate a high needs infant into care while caring for multiple other children by yourself please.

Hey, if you want to take it there, alright.

First of all, and infant that cries isn't "high needs". If an infant really is high needs due to health reasons, they should probably be in a home/private care one-on-one situation.

If we're talking about about normal children, I think it would be a mistake to have more than one infant per adult for the very reason that they NEED extra attention.

FWIW, I am NOT trying to be rude or insulting, I am genuinely asking because I've noticed too that you have taken several opportunities to tell others how wrong they are but have yet to educate others about your beliefs/methods.

Yeah, that's not really true. I've expressed a lot of different ideas.

Condemning isn't the same as educating. One is useful, the other is hurtful.

Do you really want me to try to educate anyone here? I don't expect to change anyone's mind, I just didn't want the place to be an echo chamber. If you are sincerely interested, I can tell you how I would do it, or how I've seen it done.

Oh, and I am not rearing or raising anyone's child.

Have that argument with Beth, I was quoting her. But for the record, I agree with her on that.

[Blackcat31]

Hey, if you want to take it there, alright.

First of all, and infant that cries isn't "high needs". If an infant really is high needs due to health reasons, they should probably be in a home/private care one-on-one situation.

I AM genuinely interested.

I am not talking about medical needs...I am talking about the infants that ARE fed, changed and otherwise fine but cry just because they aren't being held.

Those are the infants I think most of the providers are venting about...

How do YOU manage that?

If we're talking about about normal children, I think it would be a mistake to have more than one infant per adult for the very reason that they NEED extra attention.

But that is the thing...there are HUNDREDS of normal infants that were simply trained to be happy ONLY when held. Sometimes a provider HAS to help them learn that they do NOT need to be held.

If a 9 month old screams bloody murder because she isn't being held but ALL her needs are being met, what then? Just continue holding her?
What about the other kids?

Also, licensing allows more than one infant per adult and in order to remain successful financially many providers fill out their ratios and DO have more than one infant in care.

I KNOW what MY personal beliefs are in regards to infants in child care (I believe NO infant under 12 months should be in care) but that's MY opinion not the licensor's or the parent's...kwim?

Yeah, that's not really true. I've expressed a lot of different ideas.

I didn't say that is the ONLY opinion you've expressed. I said you've taken several opportunities....

Do you really want me to try to educate anyone here? I don't expect to change anyone's mind, I just didn't want the place to be an echo chamber. If you are sincerely interested, I can tell you how I would do it, or how I've seen it done.

Yes. I do. I have learned A TON of things from this board that I would never have had the opportunity to know/learn had the poster not felt so adamant about their beliefs...kwim?

Otherwise what is the point of all of us sharing opinions, methods and comments? I was under the impression that the point of networking with others is so that we can learn new ideas, perspectives and ways of doing things.

So yes, if you feel strongly about something educate those that may not understand or agree about why.

That's how I personally learn things.

Have that argument with Beth, I was quoting her. But for the record, I agree with her on that.

Oops, my bad.. I thought you were implying that child care providers are rearing kids... I KNOW I am not.

[Heidi]

Hey, if you want to take it there, alright.

First of all, and infant that cries isn't "high needs". If an infant really is high needs due to health reasons, they should probably be in a home/private care one-on-one situation.

If we're talking about about normal children, I think it would be a mistake to have more than one infant per adult for the very reason that they NEED extra attention.

If this is true, Great! However, no one is willing or able to pay me to care for their child one-on-one. The going rate here is $140 per week (and some are much less). I cannot afford to work 50 hours per week for $140.

Do you really want me to try to educate anyone here? I don't expect to change anyone's mind, I just didn't want the place to be an echo chamber. If you are sincerely interested, I can tell you how I would do it, or how I've seen it done.

First...

Then....

I have been caring for children for 24 years. I have raised countless happy, healthy, well-adjusted children. The ones I get early on never need to "CIO", because they are gently taught to sleep on their own from day 1.

My frustration was because this child has not learned that at all. The previous "babysitter" put her in a swing to sleep. A moving swing for a 9 month old child who can stand up. That, in my opinion, is way more dangerous than letting her fuss. Now, I must undo 7 months or so of misguided sleep training.

Let me also add that it is FAR better to come here and express frustration than attempt to bottle it up. THAT is why so much here sometimes seems negative. Because this is the one place that there are others who understand just how hard our jobs can be. We are isolated, for the most part, with multiple children, and work long hours. Most of our husbands don't get it. They think we sit around eating chocolates all day, many times. So, we are not a bunch of mean, negative people. It's just HERE is where we can share the negatives.

As for little lady:

Will there be tears? Absolutely!

Will she eventually get it? Probably!

Am I being as gentle as I can be under the circumstances? Yep!

Do I think that crying intermittently will harm her permanently? Nope!

I'm not running a Romanian orphanage here. I have 4 children, not 40. There is lots of love here. Hugs, reading stories, sitting on my lap looking with books, eating a meal together, talking through diaper and clothing changes, taking walks, singing songs, encouraging independent play.

I also come more from the "ripping the bandaide off all at once" school then the "gently pull it off" school, but in the end, the bandaide must come off. Still, I am working with a 9 month old, not a 6 year old, and I'm well aware of the developmental differences.

I'm not angry at all. I know it's hard to really see what's going on here when you're in Deutschland, not my neighbor. You only see my words. Not my demeanor or inflections.

If, in Germany you can financially make a living while caring for only one child, I think that's wonderful! But, it's not realistic here. Not even sure how it makes sense. Because, if someone is paying you a "living wage" to take care of one child, why would the parent even work? He or she would be giving her daycare her entire paycheck.

And, if you do have any good ideas, I am always willing to try them. I wasn't necessarily looking for help on this one, but you can always say "hey, did you try this?" Usually, honestly, the advice is "wear her" on this subject. That is not an option with a 9 month old, so yeah, I would say no on that. Besides, she's very happy awake...it's only sleep that we're struggling with.

?