1st Post.. Family Issues w/Daycare??

[Zeke]

I'm totally knew here- just did a search for daycare forums and you popped up

I have been in this business for many years. Some years were on my own, some were 'registered' with my state, some have been 'approved' by the state and the past 10+ or so, have been licensed.

I've been married for almost 30 years, have 5 children, are grown now, but do still have a 19 y/o son living here with us, as well as our 13 y/o daughter.

The issue I'm having is with my husband. The past 5 years or so, he has let me know that he HATES the DC toys. We have a large lawn in front.. I have several climb on toys out there and the kids love to play there. Last summer, he began to shove all my toys up under some trees as he mowed the lawn... not a good place for them to play. I would have to draaag them out each day so they could play safely on them.

We have a patio off the back of our house and we play out there in the morning... it's about 12 by 35'. I have placed 'fake grass' (astro-turf type stuff) per licensing so they would not slip in the rain. We have a few ride on toys, a little toddler tugboat, picnic table, our regular sized patio swing/table etc.

Today he let me know that he cannot handle the toys on the deck. They NEED to be put AWAY. They need to have 'a home' at the end of the day and it's my place to see they get there.

I get my 1st kiddo between 7:15/7:30 am... most leave at 5:15, but the last one goes home usually at 6:30 pm- she IS my 5 y/o grand daughter, but IS a DC child. I am able to start getting a few things done even with her here, but she is pretty high maintenance as well! (possibly adhd?) By the time she leaves, I am LEVELED! I have to go right into getting supper on, cleaning my home after a day with 6-8 kiddos. I like to ride my recumbent bike for exercise, but find myself doing that at 9:00 pm- getting finished at 10 p.m

Going out and putting the toys away on the patio on a week day, has never really crossed my mind even, I'm so busy INSIDE trying to make it HOME again after a long day with kids. Are any of your dhs like this? Granted, the deck is not very large, and I love it picked up nicely as well, but I have had to set my priorities. When the kids go home- I center on INSIDE.

We have a split level home with the bottom being a large play area. But are often UPSTAIRS with crafts, all our eating and napping is upstairs... we use both equally really.

We have never been able to enjoy our home as JUST A HOME.. it has ALWAYS had DC stuff mingled throughout. I don't like this either. But if I am to earn a living- THIS IS WHAT I DO!

I'm sorry for the vent, but gosh... we just took a 3 day trip- just us two- 1st time in 20 YEARS with just US. We flew to Seattle (from Alaska) Had a WONDERFUL time! Got up at 4:30 this morn, got on the plane at 7, arrived home at 11... I am TIIIIIRED... and he chose TODAY to rage about the patio being messy!? Grrrr (and where is he right now? On the couch taking a nap! Arg!)

So my question is... do YOU have issues like this with a family daycare? And what do YOU do to help mellow the situation? My kids don't like to help with it, as they wish I didn't do daycare anymore- they are GREAT with the kiddos, but when they go home- they don't want to think about DC anymore- and I don't either really. It's hard to get them to take the babies exrsaucer down to the DC room! But they WILL eventually

[tehck_1013]

Maybe the biggest problem is that your DH has no special area... Do you guys have a "usable" garage (I mean enough room for him to do something)? Or a tool shed? An office is even great for some. If you don't have anything like this that he can call his own or can do what he likes alone in there then maybe that could be the reason why the daycare stuff is bothering him so much. He should have a place to go that isn't daycare related if you know what I mean. That's the only thing I can think of.

[NightOwl]

My husband is OCD and his obsession is cleanliness. Sigh..... It's a daily battle. But we've made a few modifications to help soothe his impulses. We put a small shed in the back yard just outside the door. Most of the daycare stuff goes in there at the end of the day and he's happy to help get it out there because he wants our house back in the evenings. We also added a fenced in area for the playground equipment inside of the regular back yard fence. So he still has the rest of the yard to himself and my kiddos can't leave toys laying around everywhere in his yard. That's worked out pretty well.
If he's so unhappy with the arrangement, engage him in the problem. Have a discussion where you both compromise and come up with solutions, such as the separate area for playground stuff. Yes, it's your business, but the house belongs to both of you, therefore both of you should be on the same page when it comes to the arrangement of the equipment.

[NightOwl]

And welcome, btw!! Stick around! This forum has been a god send for me.

[Michael]

Welcome to the forum!

[deliberateliterate]

I get where you both are coming from. I'm so sick of the daycare taking over our house, I feel like we're busting at the seams. But I'm so tired at the end of the day that I don't do anything about it.

Try getting the kids involved in putting the outside toys away when you are coming in, so it doesn't get left for you at the end of the day.

[coolconfidentme]

Maybe I'm the odd (wo)man out. I feel if he is bothered by the tools for a business which brings in family income, he needs to put them up at the end of the evening or quit his belly aching. If he drove a company truck home at the end of the day would, you get bend outta shape cuz it was in YOUR driveway? How's he going to feel when you have g'kids? idk..., that's my rant about it.

[KiddieCahoots]

Welcome to the forum!!!
Ditto to what Wednesday said....this forum has been a God send!

You mentioned that you have day care items throughout your house. Seeing you have the split level, have you tried claiming one particular spot for day care? Like concentrate on the lower level only? Maybe if it's not always in his way or space, he won't think about it so much, and ease some of his tension.

I know it drives me crazy to have to look at the day care items on the weekends. I'd rather my mind be clutter free from the thought of day care then, and back to me time, and family.

As for my family understanding the concept of my livelihood coming from day care.....they don't get it! They try, and can appreciate how the income helps them, but can't seem to wrap their minds around the fact that because I'm home I could possibly be working. They still tend to look at it like I'm a stay at home mom/wife.

[dalman]

Honestly, I think he needs to have a change of attitude. Your home has been home to daycare children for many years and provided you both with the blessing of being able to keep your children at home while they were growing up. An attitude of gratitude is highly in order. Rather than his ranting, he needs to realize that you never get to leave you place of employment. You live where you "work". He gets a break from his place of employment. My husband and I have always been a team and as such, when he comes home from work, he jumps right in with the duck, dinner, pushing swings, whatever. It doesn't sound like daycare is going away anytime soon, so I would tell him to "**** it up Buttercup". And as they say on Veggietales, "a thankful heart is a happy heart."

[CraftyMom]

I struggle with this also. I have no words of wisdom but I can sympathize.

My husband likes that I work from home, don't have to leave every night like I used to, and make a good income.

He hates the toys though! He doesn't want to see daycare stuff at the end of the day, and neither do I. We have one room that is the daycare playroom and ALL toys stay in there which helps. The problem is the playroom is also the entry to our home, so it's the first thing you see when you walk in.

When I first opened I tried to arrange things so that at the end of the day it didn't look like a playroom. That didn't last long since it wasn't kid cozy.

I told him if he wants me to do this he has to give a little. I run a daycare. Daycares have kids in them. Kids play with toys.

He has gotten better, but every once in a while he does the same as your husband. He'll gather up all my daycare toys and put them on the front porch. Ugh

It's not easy for our families.

[Blackcat31]

Was your DH supportive when you first said you wanted to operate a daycare?

Has he always felt this way or is this something new?

If he has always felt this way, I don't blame him for feeling out of place in his own home.

If this is a new attitude on his part, what has changed recently that has caused him to feel this way?


I know that when I had young children of my own, I didnt mind the mess kids bring and the chaotic atmosphere that usually happens but now that I am a parent of adult children, I am much less tolerant of that.

I operate my child care out of a separate house so NONE of my business invades my personal space but thinking about nieces and nephews and other young visitors in my home....it was a welcome thing when my own kids were little as I was used to all the kid stuff on a daily basis, day in and day out.

Now that my own kids are grown and gone, I am not as apt to invite my younger nieces/nephews over nor am I as tolerant of them when they do visit so I understand where you husband could be coming from.


Have you two had a sit-down, serious conversation about this?

Like anything else in life, I believe open honest communication is the key to finding a solution or at least a compromise so that you can both be happy in your own home.


Welcome to the forum too!

[JenNJ]

I see it differently than most here. This is his home. Yes, you work from home but I see it as part of my responsibility to clean up my work day so we can enjoy our home. I wouldn't be able to leave my area at work a mess if I worked outside the home either.

Also, it sounds like you have a lot of stuff. Maybe take this as an opportunity to sell a few things and keep the favorites. Maybe move the outside toys to a certain area of the yard so that they aren't on the deck or in an area he uses daily.

[NightOwl]

Maybe I'm the odd (wo)man out. I feel if he is bothered by the tools for a business which brings in family income, he needs to put them up at the end of the evening or quit his belly aching. If he drove a company truck home at the end of the day would, you get bend outta shape cuz it was in YOUR driveway? How's he going to feel when you have g'kids? idk..., that's my rant about it.

[spinnymarie]

My DH is unhappy with the outside toys especially, too. Other people can see it, he thinks that looks a little trashy to have toys all over the place. We compromised by cleaning out an area of our garage for the toys - he gave up a little space and helped clean it out, and I keep all the toys put away when we aren't using them - except for the climbers, which I don't move but I do keep up near the back of the house. And we have three small children using them as well.
I think it's reasonable for him to be annoyed by some of the toys and I don't think it's unreasonable to put them away at the end of each day. The DCK help me with this.

[Unregistered]

I see it differently than most here. This is his home. Yes, you work from home but I see it as part of my responsibility to clean up my work day so we can enjoy our home. I wouldn't be able to leave my area at work a mess if I worked outside the home either.

Also, it sounds like you have a lot of stuff. Maybe take this as an opportunity to sell a few things and keep the favorites. Maybe move the outside toys to a certain area of the yard so that they aren't on the deck or in an area he uses daily.

But climbing structures outside aren't just a mess! They're not easy to just move every morning and evening either. I could see play toys on the floor or crafts on the table being leaving my workplace a mess.