What Do You Do With Infants Who Are Held All The Time At Home?

[crazydaycarelady]

New 4mo baby started today. So far she eats well and sleeps well, once she goes to sleep. But I have let her cry herself to sleep because at home they rock her and hold her while she sleeps. I can't do that! She also does not have a pacifier to sooth herself with (she usually is nursing to sleep.)



It is clear that they hold her during her awake time too. She needs constant attention.

I haven't had one of these in awhile. How do you all break this habit?

[playground1]

Can I ask how many other kids you have with you and their ages?

[crazydaycarelady]

Six between 7mo and 5yo. Up to 12 if it is on a day my assistant is here.

[SSWonders]

Give the parents homework. I have the exact same baby! She started with me five weeks ago. Just turned 4 months. Breastfed. No pacifier. I have given the parents homework and that is to put that baby down to sleep and to play. Monday mom proudly told me that bay napped a whole 20 minutes in her crib. <rolling my eyes>. I think the problem with my family is that if the baby so much as squeaks they pick her up. It is slow going here. Right now I am just trying to let her fuss a bit if she isn't being held. I drove myself crazy for the first four weeks trying to keep her happy and do everything else I have to do at the same time. It's not easy, but I don't see how it's going to get any better if I don't.

[playground1]

Okay, that's a lot of kids! I assume that babycarrying is something you don't want to do (understandably). Have you tried swaddling her?

[Kabob]

I don't plan on taking infants anymore due to this problem...if the parents aren't willing to prep their baby for group care by working on teaching them to self soothe and play independently at home then your chances of solving this problem quickly are slim...lots of time and energy on your part weaning them off of being held all day long. Sorry more of a rant than help...

[craftymissbeth]

I do just like you've been doing, but I also refuse to take babies that are held all day. It's not fair to the baby when they don't also get that here, it's not fair to the other kids to listen to crying/screaming all day, and it sure isn't fair to me.

I'm up front with every parent I have (especially parents of infants!) that with the type of program I have, babies that are held or soothed by their parents don't usually mesh here. I make it clear that children are encouraged to learn how to soothe themselves here and that it will include crying (not endless, abandoned crying; not cry-it-out, but they will cry).

I termed a 14 month old screamer in February because she was held CONSTANTLY at home every time she made a peep. I kept her for 5 months because I felt like I was failing, but it just wasn't fair to anyone to let her keep crying like that.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Oy. I just went through this with an older infant (10 months). Thanks to good advice here, I just gradually put him down and refused to carry him anymore. It was really really rough. It took a month to get over the shock of "I'm not being held all day". He's just rounding the curve now. He is still fussy, but learning to self soothe. I just say next to him and talked to him and made lots of eye contact. Oh my best wishes to you.....I didn't think my Lil guy would make it, he was/is an AP baby.

[TaylorTots]

Okay, that's a lot of kids! I assume that babycarrying is something you don't want to do (understandably). Have you tried swaddling her?

That is really not a lot of kids for licensed providers.

Infants are to be laid in pack and plays or cribs with nothing but a pacifier here. You CANNOT swaddle.

[Annalee]

That is really not a lot of kids for licensed providers.

Infants are to be laid in pack and plays or cribs with nothing but a pacifier here. You CANNOT swaddle.

Same here, we can have one receiving blanket only to be pulled up to their nipple-line...This is for licensing. Absolutely NO swaddling.

[cheerfuldom]

I do just like you've been doing, but I also refuse to take babies that are held all day. It's not fair to the baby when they don't also get that here, it's not fair to the other kids to listen to crying/screaming all day, and it sure isn't fair to me.

I'm up front with every parent I have (especially parents of infants!) that with the type of program I have, babies that are held or soothed by their parents don't usually mesh here. I make it clear that children are encouraged to learn how to soothe themselves here and that it will include crying (not endless, abandoned crying; not cry-it-out, but they will cry).

I termed a 14 month old screamer in February because she was held CONSTANTLY at home every time she made a peep. I kept her for 5 months because I felt like I was failing, but it just wasn't fair to anyone to let her keep crying like that.

I agree. the secret to keeping infants is to interview for the right parents and that weeds out a lot of the parents whose style is to hold constantly, on demand everything. It just cant be replicated at daycare. I have an infant coming in August but I am only accepting him because both parents work and are on a consistent schedule plus this is their third child and that usually means they no longer have the desire or time to carry and soothe a baby all day.....good preparation for group care Other than that, I do swaddle for naps, white noise, darken room, routine from day one. I don't do on demand style as I have up to 9 kids here 7 and younger and no assistant. The baby will be cared for and then put down, fed then put down, changed then put down, etc.

[playground1]

That is really not a lot of kids for licensed providers.

Infants are to be laid in pack and plays or cribs with nothing but a pacifier here. You CANNOT swaddle.

I phrased that wrong. What I meant was that's a lot of kids and still deal with a screaming infant. Interesting about the swaddling.

[Blackcat31]

I also refuse to take babies that are held all day. It's not fair to the baby when they don't also get that here, it's not fair to the other kids to listen to crying/screaming all day, and it sure isn't fair to me.

I'm up front with every parent I have (especially parents of infants!) that with the type of program I have, babies that are held or soothed by their parents don't usually mesh here. I make it clear that children are encouraged to learn how to soothe themselves here and that it will include crying (not endless, abandoned crying; not cry-it-out, but they will cry).

I agree. the secret to keeping infants is to interview for the right parents and that weeds out a lot of the parents whose style is to hold constantly, on demand everything. It just cant be replicated at daycare.

As a group child care provider, my focus is what is best for the group as a whole. I cannot give ALL of my attention to one child.

That's what nannies are for.

Parents MUST do their jobs too and properly prepare their child for group care. If they are seeking individual attention and one on one care that THEY get to dictate, then they need to hire a nanny.

Expecting your GROUP care provider to give one on one care is no different than trying to see your dentist for a rash on your arm.

The client = business owner must work together with the SAME common goal or it will not work.

[Angelsj]

I wear them. Maybe she needs to find a provider who is willing to do so. For this reason, I only take one infant at any given time.

Barring that, I would talk to mom and explain you do not want to do this and insist she work with you to help the baby learn to be alone for increasing periods of time. I agree with getting mom on board. It is unfair to you, the baby and the other kids.

[saved4always]

I personally have termed a baby who required constant carrying. Most babies I have had were not carried constantly at home and did not require every moment of my attention so I could provide care for all the kids. I did have one though who cried constantly if I put him down....and he was a giant baby. I think he was 7 mos old or so. That is the one I termed the day I could barely get out of bed after spending the entire week carrying him everywhere. My poor back couldn't take it. That is why I always preferred toddlers. To me, babies who need to be carried or worn at all times need to have a nanny, not group care. I loved holding (preferably while sitting ) all the kids I watched but that was not possible that week I had the heavy little guy who didn't want to share me.