How Do You Guys Do An "Integration" or "Transition"?

[Guest]

I'm a day care worker in Germany, but I work for an international day care with parents from many different countries. There's much discussion about how to best get a child integrated into a new group with a new teacher.

Germany is a lot different from the US as we base our actions on what we call the "Berlin Model", which was designed by a group of child psychologists. Basically, it states that the child should lead and that one of the child's parents should stay in the group until the child is ready to let go. For the most part it works pretty well, it usually takes us about two weeks before the child is left with us all day.

For example, the first day, the child comes for an hour or two with a parent. a couple of days later, maybe the parent leaves for 30 minutes. A couple days after that, the child eats lunch with us without a parent etc.

If there is more than one teacher, the child is usually assigned a special person to help them.

I'm just curious how you guys do it?

[debbiedoeszip]

Well, based on my experiences as both a provider and as a parent with a child in daycare, it's a much shorter process.

For home daycare, my experience has been that the parents and child attend an interview with the provider at the daycare, and then the child just begins attending a day or so after. The parent doesn't stick around for any length of time on the first day. The child is expected to be reasonably "ok" with being left by the parents.

When my DS attended his first daycare center (he had previously attended a home daycare), their policy was to have the child come for about an hour with the parent prior to the first "real" day. But on that first "real" day, mom was to sign the child in and then leave within a few minutes. I don't recall any other of his later daycare centers having this parent/child visit arrangement. You signed your child up and then the next day (or so) your child just begins attending (without the parent). Maybe it was because he was a little older by this time (summer prior to grade 1 and older).

To be honest, the Berlin Model sounds great for the child, but not so great for the parent who may not be able to take time off work in order to participate in this drawn out transition. I have a feeling that German government/employers/society are much more "family friendly" than that of the US (and even "socialist" Canada). The average worker's employer here would not be tolerant of their employee needing some much time off (or so much time before beginning a job) to accommodate a child's transition.

Maybe in time, our society will change enough that this could be the norm but at the moment it would be very difficult.

[playground1]

To be honest, the Berlin Model sounds great for the child, but not so great for the parent who may not be able to take time off work in order to participate in this drawn out transition. I have a feeling that German government/employers/society are much more "family friendly" than that of the US (and even "socialist" Canada). The average worker's employer here would not be tolerant of their employee needing some much time off (or so much time before beginning a job) to accommodate a child's transition.

Maybe in time, our society will change enough that this could be the norm but at the moment it would be very difficult.

That's so true. Everyone has maternity/paternity leave for two years, so there's plenty of time to do this. I'm American, so I was also completely unfamiliar with this model. To be honest, sometimes it takes to long. It actually advocates letting the child take as long as it needs, even if that's months. Which is obviously way to long, especially for the group they're supposed to be integrating into. As we say here, "it's a *kinder*garten, not a mommygarten."

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I have got to be honest and say that there is a 0% chance that I would allow a parent to attend with the child. That would make me terribly uncomfortable, the children would misbehave, etc.

That is great if it works for anyone else, whether that be another daycare in the US or all daycares in Germany, but that is certainly not for me.

For children that are upset at drop-off it usually takes about a week or two for them to stop crying. I insist that the parent establish a very quick routine (quick kiss, hug, good-bye) so that their child's anxiety isn't revving up. The child is fine after a minute or two and happily playing with playmates.

[playground1]

I have got to be honest and say that there is a 0% chance that I would allow a parent to attend with the child.

Hehe, I can completely understand that. I go with it because, you know, "when in Rome" and all that. If I'm completely honest, I think it's as much if not more for the parents that for the kids. Which isn't necessarily bad. Also, I work in a center. I think it would different in private home.

[cheerfuldom]

I am glad you shared this, very interesting!

However, it is completely different in the US. It is rare to find a daycare or school arrangement that allows a parent to come more than the first day for a small period. There are some that allow it but it is rare. A lot of new providers will allow it even if they feel uncomfortable with it because they feel they cant say no to parents. There are also a few rare home daycares that allow a long transition.

I would be interested in seeing this dynamic in action. It sounds like it would be horribly disruptive to the classroom......however, maybe parents in Germany are not as crazy as in the US. US parents are known for being helicopter parents as well as highly competitive with other parents, and hard to please with teachers.

[Meeko]

I have got to be honest and say that there is a 0% chance that I would allow a parent to attend with the child. That would make me terribly uncomfortable, the children would misbehave, etc.

That is great if it works for anyone else, whether that be another daycare in the US or all daycares in Germany, but that is certainly not for me.

For children that are upset at drop-off it usually takes about a week or two for them to stop crying. I insist that the parent establish a very quick routine (quick kiss, hug, good-bye) so that their child's anxiety isn't revving up. The child is fine after a minute or two and happily playing with playmates.

[Blackcat31]

I am glad you shared this, very interesting!

However, it is completely different in the US. It is rare to find a daycare or school arrangement that allows a parent to come more than the first day for a small period. There are some that allow it but it is rare. A lot of new providers will allow it even if they feel uncomfortable with it because they feel they cant say no to parents. There are also a few rare home daycares that allow a long transition.

I would be interested in seeing this dynamic in action. It sounds like it would be horribly disruptive to the classroom......however, maybe parents in Germany are not as crazy as in the US. US parents are known for being helicopter parents as well as highly competitive with other parents, and hard to please with teachers.

I agree ^^^

There is also the liability issues that exist here in the U.S compared to other countries where frivolous lawsuits aren't allowed to be filed...kwim?

[playground1]

I am glad you shared this, very interesting!

I would be interested in seeing this dynamic in action. It sounds like it would be horribly disruptive to the classroom......however, maybe parents in Germany are not as crazy as in the US. US parents are known for being helicopter parents as well as highly competitive with other parents, and hard to please with teachers.

It's really not that bad. We tell them that their job is to stay in one spot and not to play with their children. The kids get bored and come over to us, but if they get nervous they can go back to mom for a quick cuddle until they're bored again.

Germany parents are more trustful I think, but your average German day care teacher has a pretty good education and they know their stuff. One thing I learned from my co-workers is how to stand up for myself and know when I'm right. You think we're going to make an extra lunch for your kid? Nope, not gonna happen. Let me tell you why... I think there's probably more respect for teachers here, although the pay is still pretty low compared to other jobs.

The helicopter thing is still an issue, for sure, but not as bad.

[craftymissbeth]

It's really not that bad. We tell them that their job is to stay in one spot and not to play with their children. The kids get bored and come over to us, but if they get nervous they can go back to mom for a quick cuddle until they're bored again.

Germany parents are more trustful I think, but your average German day care teacher has a pretty good education and they know their stuff. One thing I learned from my co-workers is how to stand up for myself and know when I'm right. You think we're going to make an extra lunch for your kid? Nope, not gonna happen. Let me tell you why... I think there's probably more respect for teachers here, although the pay is still pretty low compared to other jobs.

The helicopter thing is still an issue, for sure, but not as bad.

Oh, it would be so nice for more parents in the US to be told "no" AND have them accept it

[cheerfuldom]

It's really not that bad. We tell them that their job is to stay in one spot and not to play with their children. The kids get bored and come over to us, but if they get nervous they can go back to mom for a quick cuddle until they're bored again.

Germany parents are more trustful I think, but your average German day care teacher has a pretty good education and they know their stuff. One thing I learned from my co-workers is how to stand up for myself and know when I'm right. You think we're going to make an extra lunch for your kid? Nope, not gonna happen. Let me tell you why... I think there's probably more respect for teachers here, although the pay is still pretty low compared to other jobs.

The helicopter thing is still an issue, for sure, but not as bad.

Most of the workers at local daycares here are college aged girls, whether they are in college or not, or moms who can work while getting a discount on their child's enrollment. There is A LOT of minimally educated people, low pay, no benefits, HIGH turnover. Many places require nothing more than a high school diploma, CPR class and background check. These people are not respected as a whole but also, are not educated or trained to do their job well. Add in demanding parents and spoiled kids and many centers and preschools have a lot of issues. It is rare to find daycares and preschools with well educated and well trained individuals.....and parents that are willing to pay for that!