How do I Tactfully...

[Naptime yet?]

Tell a DCM to stay out of my refrigerator? I know she's only trying to be helpful by putting her kid's bottles in there, but I am fully capable of doing it.

Maybe it's my mood, but I'm starting to feel like nothing is sacred in my house

[Blackcat31]

I gave up tact a long time ago. Easiest and best way to get your point across as it seems now days, picking up on passive aggressive actions/words is a dying ability/skill.

Maybe try something like this:

"DCM, I know you are trying to be helpful but running a daycare sometimes feels as though nothing in my house is sacred so I'd prefer if you let me be the one to go into the fridge. Thanks for trying to be helpful though."

[craftymissbeth]

Does she bring them daily?

"Oh, let me just grab dck's bottles real quick. I'll take care of it from now on... I reorganized the fridge last night so now I have more of a system"

If she insists cheerfully say

"Oh, nope, I'd like to do it. Thanks. We'll see you this afternoon!"

Idk... it's weird that she even does it. Maybe she thinks she's being helpful?

[butterfly]

I gave up tact a long time ago. Easiest and best way to get your point across as it seems now days, picking up on passive aggressive actions/words is a dying ability/skill.

Maybe try something like this:

"DCM, I know you are trying to be helpful but running a daycare sometimes feels as though nothing in my house is sacred so I'd prefer if you let me be the one to go into the fridge. Thanks for trying to be helpful though."

yep, I agree - just have to be completely honest and tell her.

[e.j.]

I gave up tact a long time ago. Easiest and best way to get your point across as it seems now days, picking up on passive aggressive actions/words is a dying ability/skill.

Maybe try something like this:

"DCM, I know you are trying to be helpful but running a daycare sometimes feels as though nothing in my house is sacred so I'd prefer if you let me be the one to go into the fridge. Thanks for trying to be helpful though."

I had one dcm who used to do the same thing. I was hesitant to say anything because I didn't want to embarrass her. It got to the point where I realized subtle hints weren't working so I'd stand directly in front of my fridge and reach out to take the bottles from her in an effort to stop her from opening it up. Instead of getting the hint, she'd try to dodge around me. It became a daily dance between the two of us. Hints definitely don't work for some people. I finally had to speak up. I think she was less embarrassed about it than I was. I wish I had said something sooner!

[melilley]

I had one dcm who used to do the same thing. I was hesitant to say anything because I didn't want to embarrass her. It got to the point where I realized subtle hints weren't working so I'd stand directly in front of my fridge and reach out to take the bottles from her in an effort to stop her from opening it up. Instead of getting the hint, she'd try to dodge around me. It became a daily dance between the two of us. Hints definitely don't work for some people. I finally had to speak up. I think she was less embarrassed about it than I was. I wish I had said something sooner!

I don't know why, but I had to laugh at this one. I can't believe she would go around you when you were standing right in front of the fridge!

[Naptime yet?]

I don't know why, but I had to laugh at this one. I can't believe she would go around you when you were standing right in front of the fridge!

Me, too. I hope it doesn't progress to a refrigerator dance-off.

I guess it's good she's comfortable in my house, but still! I don't get in the refrigerator at my friend's houses unless they tell me to! Plus she's drop-in care, AND I have hardly any dcks, so there's really no need to go beyond my foyer.

Funny parents! I feel like a toddler, MY SPACE, MY SPACE, MY SPACE

[SSWonders]

I have a family that does this as well. It doesn't bother me at all. One less thing for me to have to do in the morning rush. However, I do have a dcd that feels free to help himself to whatever the kids are having at snack time and that DOES bother me.

[melilley]

Me, too. I hope it doesn't progress to a refrigerator dance-off.

I guess it's good she's comfortable in my house, but still! I don't get in the refrigerator at my friend's houses unless they tell me to! Plus she's drop-in care, AND I have hardly any dcks, so there's really no need to go beyond my foyer.

Funny parents! I feel like a toddler, MY SPACE, MY SPACE, MY SPACE

:: Refrigerator dance off! I wonder if the dcm looked right into her eyes...

I know what you mean! I don't go into anyone else's refrigerators either! I feel funny even going into my inlaws' fridge-even when they tell me to!

[dEHmom]

I don't put anything in my fridge. I tell parents at the interview. If you want milk keep it in cooler bag with ice block or join milk program I offer. My fridge is not licensed. I put nothing in it. I refuse to store 20 bottles and cups.

[e.j.]

I don't know why, but I had to laugh at this one. I can't believe she would go around you when you were standing right in front of the fridge!

Oh yeah...every morning for months! I should never have let it go on as long as I did!

Me, too. I hope it doesn't progress to a refrigerator dance-off.

:: She's long gone so nope, no dance-off. She's the same dc mom I wrote about in this thread: https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...s+kitchen+sink Nanny D was spot on when she called it a dominance move. The fridge thing was all about control, too.

[drseuss]

Hand her a basket of laundry and ask her to put that all away while she's at it.

[nannyde]

It's two things. One is dominance (I call it pi$$ing on the spot). She is taking over the real estate in your home that is YOURS. Not too many women like someone fettering around their kitchen and fridge. She insisted she has the right because her baby (my child) is in the house. These moms believe that they should have access to EVERYTHING on your property because their pookie is there.

The second reason is they want to see what is in there AND if it is clean. Nosenheimer but justified because their Pook is in the house.

[Naptime yet?]

That's funny, Nan, because I do have a sneaking suspicion she's a bit nosey.

I told dh I wanted to fill the fridge with alcohol & see what she had to say.

She is also the type of parent who feels she has to correct all the kids, when I say something she has to comment/add her two cents. I know there's been other threads about this, and that's a whole 'nother ball game.

Oh well, just one more thing for me to complain about (like I need one more thing)...

[Lucy]

Tell a DCM to stay out of my refrigerator? I know she's only trying to be helpful by putting her kid's bottles in there, but I am fully capable of doing it.

Maybe it's my mood, but I'm starting to feel like nothing is sacred in my house

I'm a wuss sometimes about being direct, so what I'd probably do is ... next time you see her get the bottles out of her bag, I'd say "Oh, just put it right there on the table for me. I'll get it." She might say, "Oh, that's ok. I can do it." To which I'd say, "No, no [In a sweet voice] I'll do it." If she didn't "get it" after the first time, I'd keep doing it each and every time until she does.

I really think she doesn't see the harm. I can see her side. Some people are just an open book with their house. My sister-in-law is that way. Someone comes in, and they're as good as family. Go grab a soda from the fridge! Stuff like that. Me? Not so much. I'm a hands off, private type person.