Working With Family Members

[Christina72684]

How many of you work with family members? Think it's easier or harder than with friends or people you didn't know before hiring them?

My mom and I are co-owners and have had one daycare open a year next month and our second location has been opened a year and a half. Surprisingly I think we've only fought/disagreed once in the whole time, which might have been more often if we weren't in 2 separate buildings, but still pretty good I think.

Well now I am super pissed off at her and I don't want it to effect the business but I don't see how it won't. My parents stopped smoking on 12-12-12. They had tried to stop before but never stayed with it, but this time they did. This weekend they watched my 2 kids all day Saturday (7am-5pm) and then for another 3 hours on Sunday. When they picked up my kids Sunday my husband said he smelled smoke on my mom's breath. So today I went out to my car and casually checked in my mom's vehicle and saw cigarette ashes in a Coke can. Sorry to those of you that do smoke, but this infuriates me! My kids didn't smell like smoke when I got them either day and I can usually smell it on people, so I don't think they smoked around them, but they could have. I hated growing up around it and battled horrible coughing fits that I think occurred due to the smoke I was around so much. I refuse to be anywhere where there is smoking with my kids and I gag when I smell it.

I haven't said anything to her yet, and instead have been fuming about it for the past hour. I'm not sure if I should say something or not, but either way I don't want it to effect our business. They watch my kids one night a week so I can go workout but I'm ending that right now. We're a pretty close family so I don't know why they thought they'd get away with this, but then again they've hidden things from me in the past.

Do you ever fight with your family? Does it effect your work? Sorry, I really just needed somewhere to vent.....

[Annalee]

How many of you work with family members? Think it's easier or harder than with friends or people you didn't know before hiring them?

My mom and I are co-owners and have had one daycare open a year next month and our second location has been opened a year and a half. Surprisingly I think we've only fought/disagreed once in the whole time, which might have been more often if we weren't in 2 separate buildings, but still pretty good I think.

Well now I am super pissed off at her and I don't want it to effect the business but I don't see how it won't. My parents stopped smoking on 12-12-12. They had tried to stop before but never stayed with it, but this time they did. This weekend they watched my 2 kids all day Saturday (7am-5pm) and then for another 3 hours on Sunday. When they picked up my kids Sunday my husband said he smelled smoke on my mom's breath. So today I went out to my car and casually checked in my mom's vehicle and saw cigarette ashes in a Coke can. Sorry to those of you that do smoke, but this infuriates me! My kids didn't smell like smoke when I got them either day and I can usually smell it on people, so I don't think they smoked around them, but they could have. I hated growing up around it and battled horrible coughing fits that I think occurred due to the smoke I was around so much. I refuse to be anywhere where there is smoking with my kids and I gag when I smell it.

I haven't said anything to her yet, and instead have been fuming about it for the past hour. I'm not sure if I should say something or not, but either way I don't want it to effect our business. They watch my kids one night a week so I can go workout but I'm ending that right now. We're a pretty close family so I don't know why they thought they'd get away with this, but then again they've hidden things from me in the past.

Do you ever fight with your family? Does it effect your work? Sorry, I really just needed somewhere to vent.....

I have worked with my mom for over 20 years...a few squabbles but nothing big! When mom quits, I will drop my ratio and work by myself...don't think I could work every day with anyone else in the family. :: I would be LIVID over the smoke issue! Many people here have those "liquid cigarette things"..don't know what they are called.

[Margarete]

If/ when you confront them just get to the details that matter to you, and don't be 'mad' at them. My dad smoked in the early years of my childhood, always outside. I remember he used to say quitting smoking is easy, I've done it lots of times. It's an addiction, and not an easy one to kick
He finally quit for the last time when I was about 10, and now that he's older has lung issues because of the years he did smoke.
Let them know you do not want your children around cigarette smoke... but cutting them off from seeing their grandparents ever for something that is legal and they/ she is choosing to do seems extreme. Figure out what you are okay with in your head. Come at it from an angle of concern, not anger.

[TaylorTots]

I have worked with my mom for over 20 years...a few squabbles but nothing big! When mom quits, I will drop my ratio and work by myself...don't think I could work every day with anyone else in the family. :: I would be LIVID over the smoke issue! Many people here have those "liquid cigarette things"..don't know what they are called.

e-cigs?

[Blackcat31]

How many of you work with family members? Think it's easier or harder than with friends or people you didn't know before hiring them?

My mom and I are co-owners and have had one daycare open a year next month and our second location has been opened a year and a half. Surprisingly I think we've only fought/disagreed once in the whole time, which might have been more often if we weren't in 2 separate buildings, but still pretty good I think.

Well now I am super pissed off at her and I don't want it to effect the business but I don't see how it won't. My parents stopped smoking on 12-12-12. They had tried to stop before but never stayed with it, but this time they did. This weekend they watched my 2 kids all day Saturday (7am-5pm) and then for another 3 hours on Sunday. When they picked up my kids Sunday my husband said he smelled smoke on my mom's breath. So today I went out to my car and casually checked in my mom's vehicle and saw cigarette ashes in a Coke can. Sorry to those of you that do smoke, but this infuriates me! My kids didn't smell like smoke when I got them either day and I can usually smell it on people, so I don't think they smoked around them, but they could have. I hated growing up around it and battled horrible coughing fits that I think occurred due to the smoke I was around so much. I refuse to be anywhere where there is smoking with my kids and I gag when I smell it.

I haven't said anything to her yet, and instead have been fuming about it for the past hour. I'm not sure if I should say something or not, but either way I don't want it to effect our business. They watch my kids one night a week so I can go workout but I'm ending that right now. We're a pretty close family so I don't know why they thought they'd get away with this, but then again they've hidden things from me in the past.

Do you ever fight with your family? Does it effect your work? Sorry, I really just needed somewhere to vent.....

I think what you need to do is focus on whether or not your mom was or wasn't smoking in the presence of your children.

If she refrains from it when your kids are with her and she doesn't expose them to it, I'd leave it be.

Your mom is a grown women capable of making her own choices and smoking IS an addiction that gets the best of some folks unfortunately. I am sure your mom didn't purposely start again if she really wanted to quit before.

I would maybe try approaching this in a positive and supportive manner instead. Harboring resentment, disappointment or anger will only result in a negative relationship that will eventually affect your working relationship as well as your children's relationship with their grandmother.

Sit down, talk with your mom.

[NeedaVaca]

I can understand that you are upset however, if they are not smoking around your kids then I would never stop them from spend time with their grandchildren.

[SignMeUp]

to what BC said.
Plus, I know quite a few people who have quit smoking, and for all except one, they had to quit more than once. They'd go back to it, but be unhappy about the "fail" and then they'd try again. Maybe try doing it like we do with kids? Only notice the positives

Of course it would be different if she's smoking around your children. That would have to be addressed.

[Leigh]

I think what you need to do is focus on whether or not your mom was or wasn't smoking in the presence of your children.

If she refrains from it when your kids are with her and she doesn't expose them to it, I'd leave it be.

Your mom is a grown women capable of making her own choices and smoking IS an addiction that gets the best of some folks unfortunately. I am sure your mom didn't purposely start again if she really wanted to quit before.

I would maybe try approaching this in a positive and supportive manner instead. Harboring resentment, disappointment or anger will only result in a negative relationship that will eventually affect your working relationship as well as your children's relationship with their grandmother.

Sit down, talk with your mom.

Exactly. If it isn't happening in front of the kids, you just need to mind your own business. The more you preach at a smoker, the less likely they are to quit.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Exactly. If it isn't happening in front of the kids, you just need to mind your own business. The more you preach at a smoker, the less likely they are to quit.

I agree.

And, that is coming from a really nutty person who freaks about chemicals.

[butterfly]

If I was your mom, I'd be mad at you - for going through my car and snooping on me. If you had concerns or suspicions, I feel it would have been better handled by going directly to your mom and asking her.

[craftymissbeth]

Exactly. If it isn't happening in front of the kids, you just need to mind your own business. The more you preach at a smoker, the less likely they are to quit.

If I was your mom, I'd be mad at you - for going through my car and snooping on me. If you had concerns or suspicions, I feel it would have been better handled by going directly to your mom and asking her.

If you're positive she doesn't smoke around your children, then move on. Her body, her health, her everything is of no concern to you. Your children are, though, so maybe tell her that when she has your kids she needs to wash her hands & face and change her clothes after she smokes (third hand smoke is very dangerous).

Really, though, you're overreacting. You have every right to be disappointed, but to try to control what they do (even if it is unhealthy and dangerous) is wrong.