Non Speaking Child And Terming

[cara041083]

The 3 year old I watch will not talk. Like at all. When she does talk, she is yelling at me, or bulling one of the younger kids. Normally we would be happy to have a child that is usually quit all day but this is becoming a big problem. Last week she sat here and cried for about an hour. I kept asking her what is wrong, she would just blank stare at me. So I put her away from the toys and other kids, and told her to just calm down. The mom comes and with in a matter of a few min, the little girl pukes all over my carpet. Apartly, she didn't feel good but wouldn't tell me. The mom went off on me and said "why didn't you call me if she didn't feel good" I explained to her once again that she won't speak to me, and had she told me she didn't feel good I would have called her. Every time I bring up the baby screaming all day or this lil girl not speaking, all I ever get is well they aren't like that for anyone but you. I try to hold off on telling her how rude her daughter really is because she is 10x ruder to her parents and they just over look it. I do tell them about the big stuff though. Well today she sat in the bathroom for 15 min. I went in and checked on here and there was no toilet paper and instead of being normal and asking, she just sat there. I feel like I want to bang my head on the wall! I want to term, and I found 1 replace meant and Im waiting on the second. My question is, I want to send them a letter giving them there warning because the husband has no idea. the wife is constantly rude to me and says her girls are perfect and he thinks every thing is fine so I want to cover me. But I don't know how to word the letter or how to handle it because I have never had to do it before

[cara041083]

and I do want to add that she is a big talker! she is a VERY smart 3 year old and will carry on conversations with you all day long. I have to remind myself that she's only 3. The first week she was here (5 months ago) she was awesome. All this behavior started a few weeks after she did.

[Blackcat31]

Without knowing all the details as well as your current relationship with the family, I would maybe start with something like this and add whatever additional information needed.

Dear DCM/DCD

As your child's caregiver I feel it is my job to discuss with you any issues or problems your child is experiencing while in my care.

Currently you are aware of her refusal to speak to me, communicate her needs and express herself verbally. This has become an major issue here, especially since you are insistent that she does not behave in this manner at home.

The bottom line is she DOES behave that way here and it has become problematic. It is vital that Janey begin using her words to express her needs, wants and frustrations.

At this point, I am left with no other alternative but to ask that you discuss this issue with Janey so that she understands the importance of using her words.

If this continues to be an issue, we may need to discuss other care arrangements.

My goal to make your child's experience in my program a positive one so thank you for your assistance in dealing with this.

Sincerely

Provider

[cara041083]

Without knowing all the details as well as your current relationship with the family, I would maybe start with something like this and add whatever additional information needed.

Dear DCM/DCD

As your child's caregiver I feel it is my job to discuss with you any issues or problems your child is experiencing while in my care.

Currently you are aware of her refusal to speak to me, communicate her needs and express herself verbally. This has become an major issue here, especially since you are insistent that she does not behave in this manner at home.

The bottom line is she DOES behave that way here and it has become problematic. It is vital that Janey begin using her words to express her needs, wants and frustrations.

At this point, I am left with no other alternative but to ask that you discuss this issue with Janey so that she understands the importance of using her words.

If this continues to be an issue, we may need to discuss other care arrangements.

My goal to make your child's experience in my program a positive one so thank you for your assistance in dealing with this.

Sincerely

Provider

Thank you soo much! You are great at this:hug:

[My3cents]

The 3 year old I watch will not talk. Like at all. When she does talk, she is yelling at me, or bulling one of the younger kids. Normally we would be happy to have a child that is usually quit all day but this is becoming a big problem. Last week she sat here and cried for about an hour. I kept asking her what is wrong, she would just blank stare at me. So I put her away from the toys and other kids, and told her to just calm down. The mom comes and with in a matter of a few min, the little girl pukes all over my carpet. Apartly, she didn't feel good but wouldn't tell me. The mom went off on me and said "why didn't you call me if she didn't feel good" I explained to her once again that she won't speak to me, and had she told me she didn't feel good I would have called her. Every time I bring up the baby screaming all day or this lil girl not speaking, all I ever get is well they aren't like that for anyone but you. I try to hold off on telling her how rude her daughter really is because she is 10x ruder to her parents and they just over look it. I do tell them about the big stuff though. Well today she sat in the bathroom for 15 min. I went in and checked on here and there was no toilet paper and instead of being normal and asking, she just sat there. I feel like I want to bang my head on the wall! I want to term, and I found 1 replace meant and Im waiting on the second. My question is, I want to send them a letter giving them there warning because the husband has no idea. the wife is constantly rude to me and says her girls are perfect and he thinks every thing is fine so I want to cover me. But I don't know how to word the letter or how to handle it because I have never had to do it before

love BCats lettter- but don't allow someone to be rude to you in your home. Your the provider, your the one in charge. You are the one that deals with the child all day. Verbalize what you need to the parent. I would hold off on how rude the child is and instead give examples of behaviors that are happening in your care. Don't be afraid to let a client go if its not working out. You need and want to be respected in this job.

one more thing to consider.......she yells when she talks? Could she have hearing issues?

Most- not all children learn that rules are different for home and daycare. Be consistent and use little moments as learning opportunities with the child. She will quickly figure out what works at home doesn't work at daycare.

I wish you the best-

[My3cents]

and I do want to add that she is a big talker! she is a VERY smart 3 year old and will carry on conversations with you all day long. I have to remind myself that she's only 3. The first week she was here (5 months ago) she was awesome. All this behavior started a few weeks after she did.

maybe a change in home life or being as smart as she is she has figured out how to manipulate you. Be her caregiver not her bestie. Sounds like she needs boundaries that screaming doesn't get her anywhere at daycare-

Best-

[cara041083]

maybe a change in home life or being as smart as she is she has figured out how to manipuls. Be her caregiver not her bestie. Sounds like she needs boundaries that screaming doesn't get her anywhere at daycare-

Best-

See that's what's so frustrating. She literally just blank stares at me. Nothing had changed at home and she turns into a normal kid the min her parents walk in the door. She is also fine and happy in the morning. If I try to tell her no or ask her a question She won't even look at me. When she does she rolls her eyes at me and then when I finally get her attention she screams at me "what" and then I handle it and she goes to time out and crys and we do this all day. And it doesn't help that her mom always says well I have never seen her act like that or yesterday she said that she was just still trying to get used to me. I only charge them 180.00 a week for the 3 year old and the 6 month old that screams all day and has ruined my carpet because she constantly spits up everywhere. I feel like I have failed since I have been trying for 5 months and this is where we are.

[wdmmom]

If you are really wanting to term and you already have a replacement lined up, you need more of a term letter than a "here's what's wrong" letter.

If you are looking to term, I would send something like this:

Dear DCF,

Please allow this to serve as notice that I will no longer be able to provide services to your family.

___'s inability or unwillingness to communicate with me has become problematic and I simply do not have the education, resources or knowledge to assist her in making improvements.

I had hoped she would adjust with time and I simply am not seeing any results.

The last day I will be providing services for your family is _____.

Thank you for the opportunity. I hope you will be happy with your future endeavors.

Provider

[Heidi]

See that's what's so frustrating. She literally just blank stares at me. Nothing had changed at home and she turns into a normal kid the min her parents walk in the door. She is also fine and happy in the morning. If I try to tell her no or ask her a question She won't even look at me. When she does she rolls her eyes at me and then when I finally get her attention she screams at me "what" and then I handle it and she goes to time out and crys and we do this all day. And it doesn't help that her mom always says well I have never seen her act like that or yesterday she said that she was just still trying to get used to me. I only charge them 180.00 a week for the 3 year old and the 6 month old that screams all day and has ruined my carpet because she constantly spits up everywhere. I feel like I have failed since I have been trying for 5 months and this is where we are.

I think you need to meet this child half way. For whatever reason, she's uncomfortable talking to you, and you are taking it very personally. You are the adult. She's 3. I'm not blaming you. I can hear from here how frustrated you are! :hug: Maybe you just need to try some new tactics? Think outside the box?

Can you print out some picture clues and ask her to point to them? Maybe once she gets comfortable with that, you'll start to hear more speech vs. screaming and frustration. Here is a link to a whole bunch of them you could try: https://www.google.com/search?q=comm...w=1242&bih=607

I'd sit her down in peace, and gently say "hey, dcg. I've noticed that sometimes it's hard for you to talk to me. I have an idea that might help. Here are some pictures of things we do. Maybe, instead of me asking you, and you being quiet, and me getting worried, you could show me on the card? Can we try that?

Then, when it's time to eat, point to the "eat" card. Even though she can hear fine, you're modeling what you want her to do.

As for that baby. Screaming all the time along with spitting up could be terrible reflux. Would mom ask her doctor about that possibility? If that's what it is, a few days of medicine will be like flipping a switch.

Edited to add: I just want to reiterate that I am not trying to make you feel bad. Just trying to think of a way to help solve the problem. Only you know if you still have the energy for it, and no one would blame you if you decide to terminate!

[Blackcat31]

I think you need to meet this child half way. For whatever reason, she's uncomfortable talking to you, and you are taking it very personally. You are the adult. She's 3. I'm not blaming you. I can hear from here how frustrated you are! :hug:

Can you print out some picture clues and ask her to point to them? Maybe once she gets comfortable with that, you'll start to hear more speech vs. screaming and frustration. Here is a link to a whole bunch of them you could try: https://www.google.com/search?q=comm...w=1242&bih=607

I'd sit her down in peace, and gently say "hey, dcg. I've noticed that sometimes it's hard for you to talk to me. I have an idea that might help. Here are some pictures of things we do. Maybe, instead of me asking you, and you being quiet, and me getting worried, you could show me on the card? Can we try that?

Then, when it's time to eat, point to the "eat" card. Even though she can hear fine, you're modeling what you want her to do.

As for that baby. Screaming all the time along with spitting up could be terrible reflux. Would mom ask her doctor about that possibility? If that's what it is, a few days of medicine will be like flipping a switch.

While there is some validity in everything you said I think the fact that mom is in denial about her DD's behavior AND the fact that the DCM is outright rude to the provider, that there is NO way I would devote any of my time trying to address and issue that no one seems to care about other than the OP herself.

The provider is the one caring for the child the majority of the day...the parents need to recognize that fact and respect what she says to be the truth. If they (parents) can't do that, then I think alternate care arrangements are definitely the solution.

[cara041083]

Well mom came and I gave her the letter. I explained to her that everything I was feeling. I also explained to her that if DCG couldn't communicate her needs to me then this may not be the best fit. Her response was the same as always, how she is just perfect for everyone else and she so young, I at that point cut her off and said well regardless of how she acts for everyone else, this is how she is here and between her and her 6 month old that screams all day, I just don't think its working and the kids are obviously not happy here or uncomfortable with me and we eaither need to work on it, or this may not be the best fit for them. Then the mom looked happy and said that maybe this is will show her husband that she needs to be home with the kids instead of working. So now Im wondering if she has been telling the 3 year old to act this way.

[Heidi]

Well mom came and I gave her the letter. I explained to her that everything I was feeling. I also explained to her that if DCG couldn't communicate her needs to me then this may not be the best fit. Her response was the same as always, how she is just perfect for everyone else and she so young, I at that point cut her off and said well regardless of how she acts for everyone else, this is how she is here and between her and her 6 month old that screams all day, I just don't think its working and the kids are obviously not happy here or uncomfortable with me and we eaither need to work on it, or this may not be the best fit for them. Then the mom looked happy and said that maybe this is will show her husband that she needs to be home with the kids instead of working. So now Im wondering if she has been telling the 3 year old to act this way.

Wow!

So, maybe she's aware of it, or maybe she's not, but she's definitely sabotaging the daycare experience.

So, are you going to give her official notice, or wait for her to?

[Heidi]

While there is some validity in everything you said I think the fact that mom is in denial about her DD's behavior AND the fact that the DCM is outright rude to the provider, that there is NO way I would devote any of my time trying to address and issue that no one seems to care about other than the OP herself.

The provider is the one caring for the child the majority of the day...the parents need to recognize that fact and respect what she says to be the truth. If they (parents) can't do that, then I think alternate care arrangements are definitely the solution.

No, your'e right. By the time I answered this, I'd forgotten about the original problem with the mother, and was only thinking in terms of the child, and some possible strategies.

[NeedaVaca]

If you are really wanting to term and you already have a replacement lined up, you need more of a term letter than a "here's what's wrong" letter.

If you are looking to term, I would send something like this:

Dear DCF,

Please allow this to serve as notice that I will no longer be able to provide services to your family.

___'s inability or unwillingness to communicate with me has become problematic and I simply do not have the education, resources or knowledge to assist her in making improvements.

I had hoped she would adjust with time and I simply am not seeing any results.

The last day I will be providing services for your family is _____.

Thank you for the opportunity. I hope you will be happy with your future endeavors.

Provider

Part in black I would leave out. Makes it seem like the provider isn't qualified to be in this business.

[cara041083]

Wow!

So, maybe she's aware of it, or maybe she's not, but she's definitely sabotaging the daycare experience.

So, are you going to give her official notice, or wait for her to?

Well, I am going to wait out the week ( I won't have them tomorrow) That way I can have a full two weeks with notice. Then I think I will see what next week brings and if she doesn't by the end of the week then I will term. That will give me time to get the paper work and everything to the other family that wants to start.