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Hi I've been lurking here for a while and have learned a ton already, so thank you for that! I would love to hear your advice on a minor problem I'm having. I have a 2 year old dcg who can't stand it when either of the babies in my care cries. The second one of the babies cries, the 2 year old starts crying and screaming too and can't settle down for a long time. It's getting to the point where she doesn't even want to be dropped off here anymore when she used to love it here. I need some positive behavior techniques like a sticker chart or something but not sure how to implement it. Time out won't work because she wants to be away from the babies and would be content sitting there all day by herself. I just really need to figure out how to teach her how to get along with the babies and that their crying isn't the end of the world. Thanks!
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Welcome to the forum!
Do you have a quiet place she CAN be away from the babies?
I guess I am looking at it from my DS's standpoint and he did NOT like other kids (same age, older AND younger) so I don't think allowing her to be in TO (although it wouldn't be TO) is a bad thing.
Some kids just can't manage the over stimulation of the senses that happen when babies cry.
It is suppose to be one of the biggest stressors there is. Imagine that from a child's viewpoint. -
I actually do have that option so I suppose I can teach her to ask to go there when she is overstimulated. Meal time is the worst though because the babies think it's funny to shriek. I try to redirect the little ones as much as possible but there is only so much they understand. Should I let her eat completely separately? Or how would you handle that?Comment
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It's so stressful, and her response makes complete sense. I would avoid treating it as a behavior problem, and instead look at it as her communicating to you that the stress is hard for her to handle. Some possibilities:
--empathize with her as you comfort both: while attending to baby, make eye contact w/the older girl and talk to her--"oh, it's so hard to hear her cry, isn't it?", "let's be really quiet so I can get him to sleep, and then you and I can have some peace and quiet."
--help her understand that their cry is their way of communicating: "he's trying to tell us something. I wonder what it is? Is he hungry?, etc."
--include her in helping with the babies: "oh, he needs a new diaper. Can you get me the wipes?"
--if it's really really troublesome to her, some noise-canceling headphones might give her control over the situation.Comment
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I wouldn't for meals for supervision reasons and because our rule is that all food is eaten in the kitchen.
How much screaming and crying is there? Are the babies crying way more than normal or is she overly sensitive? Maybe you can figure out why the babies cry so much and lessen it?
If she really gets so worked up because a baby is shrieking (is it playful shrieking?), I'd wonder why she's reacting so much. Maybe she'd do better in a program without babies. How long has this been going on?Comment
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If it troubles her so much that she can't function normally in your home, I'm wondering if there's a sensory processing disorder going on here. Does she make direct eye contact with you? Communicate with you? Does she have any repetitive behaviors like rocking herself, or hand gestures, or opening/closing the doors? Do other sensory things bother her, like the tags in her clothes, strange/new textures, bright lights, strong scents, or even normal scents that she seems to over react to?Comment
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I should have said "shrieking" instead of crying. The babies are both pretty happy all day, but they are LOUD and very vocal. I understand that it probably gets on her nerves as she is the only child at home and is used to the quiet. She was actually fine until recently when the babies became mobile. She doesn't want to be near them or look at them and if one comes near her, she seems fearful. I'm really not sure what is going on as I know the babies haven't touched her or hurt her accidentally. She does really well one day a week where it is just her, one of the babies, and a 3yo. She doesn't even cry that day... Just all of the other days...Comment
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I've actually wondered this same thing. Would you bring that up to the parents or is that not my place? They are in the loop as to what is going on, but they say to let her cry and that she needs to toughen up, but she genuinely does seem fearful and unhappy and I would like to help her.Comment
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If it's to the point where she dreads coming toyour hpuse, I think there's either a. She has a sensory processing disorder. She may be oversensitive and it may physically hurt it. or b. She's an only child that may be used to catered to, and may just want complete one on one attention, and the babies are taking it.Comment
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My son is 3, and he gets overwhelmed/freaks out with loud noises. Especially when it is unexpected. We have headphones for shooting(family hobby) and he asks for those if it gets to be too much. Maybe that can be an option for her? Or an area she can go for some quiet time?Comment
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