Advice About My Own DD

[sahm1225]

My dd is 4 and the sweetest most thoughtful kid ever (her preschool teachers told me this). She apparently is super polite & respectful at school.

Well... With me, she's a mean girl! She has tantrums, says mean things, won't listen, etc. My dh was out of town for a week and now she is a little monster anytime he has to leave for work. Then I've been hearing her be mean to one dcg. It's a running joke that they are like sisters, they will fight like sisters but if anyone even looks at the other one in a mean way, they defend each other.

So my question for you - what do I Do??? She went out of her way today to be mean to dcg. She has to have good behavior to earn screen time but even that's not working. I just want to scream at her that mean girls never win! Part of me thinks that after preschool, i should let her unwind in her room for a bit since it is a long day for her with me at daycare. But then I don't want it to be like il rewarding her negative behavior this morning. And yes, right now it's only w that particular dcg (I don't want to make excuses for either one of them because honestly, they are both pretty mean to each other). I try to separate them & usually dcg will pout & cry. It's just embarrassing that my dd is THAt child that is just plain mean

[spinnymarie]

I'm having a similar issue with DD (just turned 5). For other people she is amazingly well behaved and sweet and with me not so much, and she can be downright mean to the other kids and her siblings sometimes.
Ours seems semi attention related, so she's been spending some extra time with grandma and grandpa and dad lately. I, too, didn't want to reward it, but I think she just needs a break from daycare, from the other kids, and some extra positive attention. Even just a special thing for the two of us to do together helps.

[debbiedoeszip]

IME, it's very normal for a child to be better behaved outside of the home. At home, they know that they have unconditional love and so they can "relax" and not be on their best behaviour. This phenomenon is proof that we are loving and trusted parents (at least, that's what I've told myself all these years LOL). Just keep doing what you've been doing (separate, discuss behaviour, etc) and know that it's just a stage that will pass in time (roughly around age 18 LOL).

[TaylorTots]

I have been in your shoes. I know it's trying and very frustrating.


Have you tried a reward system that involves time with just you instead of discipline? It really sounds like she is acting out to get your attention and you disciplining just makes her defy you further (and thus get more of your attention).

I would start with a Mom-daughter day (shopping, lunch, park, whatever you guys like to do together) and then discuss with her at the end how much you enjoyed your day together and you would love to have more. If she has good behavior at home then you can make it a weekly thing, etc. And when she starts misbehaving at home a gentle reminder of your fun day may help as well as having some activities "just for her" even if they are special coloring pages or preschool worksheets you printed out.