Feeling Guilty...I Can't Handle 4 Month Old Anymore

**cheerfuldom** · 05-02-2014, 06:28 AM

Don't feel guilty. You did the right thing. Not every child will be the right fit for our programs and hopefully, mom just pulls her immediately so you dont have to deal with this anymore.

**CraftyMom** · 05-02-2014, 06:53 AM

My guess is she's held a lot at home and at the other place she goes when not with you.

I had this too, twice before. Baby started wanting to be held all day around 5 months. I dealt with it and let them cio. I did not give in, it was hard. When I was at the point of giving up, things miraculously got better for each one. I'm glad I stuck it out, but it can be soooo hard to do!

IMO talking to the parents won't help because they are highly unlikely to change their parenting. I think the case is that the parents, moms in particular, feel bad about being away and just want to hold the baby whenever they can.

If you know the baby is fed and diaper is changed and she isn't hurt then she's fine and she can cio. If you think it's gone on too long, maybe it's time for them to move on

I feel for you! It isn't easy with other kids to deal with too

**NightOwl** · 05-02-2014, 07:09 AM

Of course she doesn't do it at home because she's riding around on mommy's hip all day. I agree with the CIO, it can't go on forever, right? It would get better with time, but how much better depends on the parents and whether they reinforce at home.

**racemom** · 05-02-2014, 07:15 AM

Don't feel bad about not keeping her. As everyone else said she must be held all the time at home. It's better to term a baby than to become frustrated at the crying. I hope you know you did the right thing for yourself, the other kids in care, and the baby.

**josie2014** · 05-02-2014, 07:37 AM

Thank soo much,I have been learning soo much with you guyslovethis...her mom always says she's just do this with me.(sometimes I really think she's just doing with me or she's lying)I think she's know I will pick her up.I can't stand kid crying that much,but the thing I am not nanny,I have other to taking care.
My kids get really attached to me,when I was nanny they don't want to go in their parents,I tried my best for her.I termite another girl before I was watching just only her and my baby,after I started another kids she's was so jealous,if I feed the babies she crying not stop till I held her...It's hard for then I know...The thing I live in aparment It's feel like home but has person living downstairs I can't let then cry all day.

**Blackcat31** · 05-02-2014, 07:46 AM

Originally posted by josie2014

Thank soo much,I have been learning soo much with you guyslovethis...her mom always says she's just do this with me.(sometimes I really think she's just doing with me or she's lying)I think she's know I will pick her up.I can't stand kid crying that much,but the thing I am not nanny,I have other to taking care.
My kids get really attached to me,when I was nanny they don't want to go in their parents,I tried my best for her.I termite another girl before I was watching just only her and my baby,after I started another kids she's was so jealous,if I feed the babies she crying not stop till I held her...It's hard for then I know...The thing I live in aparment It's feel like home but has person living downstairs I can't let then cry all day.

It really doesn't matter what she does or doesn't do at home as far as crying or fussing goes.... EVERYONE is different outside of their own home.

The next time mom tells you that she is only like this at your house, tell mom that is even more proof then that your program is not the right fit for her then.

If mom says she never cries at home, then tell mom "that's great but she DOES cry here"

HERE (your house) is the only thing YOU need to be concerned about.

I think you were doing the right thing by telling mom to find other care arrangements. Don't feel bad.... it has NOTHING to do with you personally.

Sometimes things work and sometimes they don't. You have to do what is right for you and for the other kids you have in care and I think you are doing great!

**midaycare** · 05-02-2014, 07:51 AM

My son, who is now 6, was like this until he was about the first 4 months. It was hard. Really hard. Luckily I was home with him. I tried to let him cio but it never worked. He just wanted to be held. He even refused to sleep unless my hubby or I was holding him. It was a crazy time in our lives.

We came to find out later that he had really bad stomach pain and bad gas (and he still has that bad gas ...) and he was probably crying because it was comforting when we held him & also it was the best position to get the gas out.

This will pass. She will become more and more alert and want to explore more soon.

**Blackcat31** · 05-02-2014, 07:57 AM

Originally posted by midaycare

My son, who is now 6, was like this until he was about the first 4 months. It was hard. Really hard. Luckily I was home with him. I tried to let him cio but it never worked. He just wanted to be held. He even refused to sleep unless my hubby or I was holding him. It was a crazy time in our lives.

We came to find out later that he had really bad stomach pain and bad gas (and he still has that bad gas ...) and he was probably crying because it was comforting when we held him & also it was the best position to get the gas out.

This will pass. She will become more and more alert and want to explore more soon.

I certainly wouldn't count on it. It "could" be just a phase or it could be the beginning of a really long process that is impossible to fix.

The last "crier" baby I had cried from about 4 months right up until he was about 18 months old. He NEVER.EVER. stopped screaming. Unless he was being held.

Some babies are just not cut out for group care. Some babies WILL cry non-stop because they aren't being held....especially if they ARE being held every where else.

I would also be leary of a parent that immediately replied with "Well they don't do xxx behavior at home (or elsewhere" because that says to me that they aren't going to be working WITH you at any point.

A parent who wants to work with you, normally replies with some sort of statement showing interest in figuring out a solution not immediately point fingers.

**Oss_cc** · 05-02-2014, 08:31 AM

Originally posted by Blackcat31

I certainly wouldn't count on it. It "could" be just a phase or it could be the beginning of a really long process that is impossible to fix.

The last "crier" baby I had cried from about 4 months right up until he was about 18 months old. He NEVER.EVER. stopped screaming. Unless he was being held.

Some babies are just not cut out for group care. Some babies WILL cry non-stop because they aren't being held....especially if they ARE being held every where else.

Yup. I have a 10 month old who has been a screamer baby since about 4 months. It's gotten a bit better, no longer all day long, but she still has a few meltdowns a day. She's been here since she was 2 months, so she's definitely used to it, she's just high needs. I've considered terming a few times, but the parents are fantastic and she's sweet all other times, so I'm sticking it out in the hopes that it continues to improve.

But I can TOTALLY understand you not wanting to put up with that, Josie! It can be stressful when you're caring for a lot of littles.

Feeling Guilty...I Can't Handle 4 Month Old Anymore

Feeling Guilty...I Can't Handle 4 Month Old Anymore

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