Off Topic - Husband Issues

[Unregistered]

Ladies I really need advice here. It may seem like not a big deal to some but humor me with your advice.

My husband will not stop getting tickets. In the last 18 months he has gotten 5 tickets. We are now waiting to see if he will loose his license at this point. They are mostly speeding and running stop signs.

I've tried talking to him, yelling and now we are on the silent treatment. His last ticket, running a stop sign cost us literally an entire weeks paycheck. Then to top it off every year we pay the DMV a $100 fee for having too many points on the license.

I am considering taking his car off the road and driving him everywhere. I don't want a darn child I want a husband, but at this point we can't afford any more fines and higher insurance premiums. What else can I do????

[cheerfuldom]

This whole scenario is just too much. If he cant grow up, stop arguing with him. Take over the finances completely and refuse to pay any traffic tickets....he will have to come up with the money himself. Meanwhile, consider marriage counseling. I would imagine that if he is irresponsible with driving, money, working through situations, that there is probably a lot else going on too. Like you said, you dont need another child. There is no way I would punish myself by having to drive him around like a 5 year old. I would not spend my hard earned money bailing him out of tickets or my precious time running him around town. Sorry to be so blunt but I would not put up with this at all.

[sharlan]

You could be my youngest dd. Sil gets another ticket as soon as one drops off of his record. Their car ins is $$$$$.

No advice, just empathy.

[ihop]

That's tough. I spent a lot of years being accountable for someone elses' stupidity and all it did was give his a free pass to keep doing it. I would sit him down and calmly tell home that from now on you cannot be responsible for his actions. He will be paying for his own tickets and subsequent insurance increases and if or when he loses his license, he will be completely responsible for his own transportation. And then stick to it!
I know its easier said then done but it has to stop now. Its just a financial burden now but when he is in jail for vehicular manslaughter because of his speeding and running stop signs, it will be a lot harder to recover from. As a repeat offender he will not be given any leniency.

If there seems to be issues with communication and accountability then therapy can be a huge help if he's willing to go.

:hug:

[mountainside13]

:hug: my hubby had a lot if tickets before we got married and shortly after. It was a pain! No advice just :hug:

[Luna]

For what it's worth, my husband has never driven and I rarely drive him anywhere. He walks, takes the bus, pays someone for a ride, etc. I don't have time to be driving a grown man all over town.
Your real issue seems to be his irresponsibility. I'm sorry, I have no advice to offer for that.

[llpa]

Just want to say I'm sorry and give a:hug:. But he is going to have to work on some maturity issues or nothing will change. :hug:

[NightOwl]

As my son's therapist once told me, LET HIM FAIL. Let him be completely responsible for cleaning up his own messes with ZERO help from you. Get an insurance policy separate from him. When he gets a ticket, fines, court costs, let him figure it out on his own. If he thinks you'll step in at the last moment to bail him out, so to speak, don't do it! Don't remind him of court dates or driving school classes. Let him go to jail for unpaid tickets and fines. If he sits there for a day or two, maybe he will realize he is a grown man and must face the consequences of his actions.

[Unregistered]

Thanks ladies. While I would love to have him figure it out, my children suffer because we need his paycheck to pay for things. I'm not in a position to support us I'm pregnant and have lost several families. So until this baby comes out I'm very limited :'(

[craftymissbeth]

Thanks ladies. While I would love to have him figure it out, my children suffer because we need his paycheck to pay for things. I'm not in a position to support us I'm pregnant and have lost several families. So until this baby comes out I'm very limited :'(

I totally understanding needing his income, but if it's going to pay fines anyway, ya know?

[coolconfidentme]

As my son's therapist once told me, LET HIM FAIL. Let him be completely responsible for cleaning up his own messes with ZERO help from you. Get an insurance policy separate from him. When he gets a ticket, fines, court costs, let him figure it out on his own. If he thinks you'll step in at the last moment to bail him out, so to speak, don't do it! Don't remind him of court dates or driving school classes. Let him go to jail for unpaid tickets and fines. If he sits there for a day or two, maybe he will realize he is a grown man and must face the consequences of his actions.