Switch and Bait...

[KDC]

I had an interview with a family back in August '13. They seemed to be a good fit for their 8 month old. The loved my daycare, but had an issue with my hours, so they didn't enroll. They called back in Dec. to let me know DCD got a promotion and could now work with my hours, but I was full. I have a DCB leaving end of May, so I posted an opening on my website for June and they called immediately wanting the spot. DGC is now 18 months.

Since I had already interviewed them before I just asked them to meet up, so I could go over the handbook, state forms and such. They asked if I would be willing to take on their 5 yr. old for just the summer (attending all day Kindi in the fall), he seemed like a mild mannered lovely boy during the interview, so I agreed. They said all the right things. They'd agreed to my hours and my 1 day off for summers (Thursday's) & They wanted to sign on. They needed someone new because their current DCP was moving to AR.

SOooo... I get the state forms returned with the contract and deposit, and it's listed that the 6 yr. is not potty trained for poop He is seeking therapy for it, and is medicated to help, but has NOT gone 2 weeks accident free (and felt it necessary to tell me with the medicine, it's not pretty) EEEWWW. Why didn't they mention this??? Also, they mention he is lactose intolerant (which I do not have any experience caring for someone that is lactose intolerant and am not really prepared to make separate meals.)

They are the right ages, they'll be here for 3 days a week during the summer. I do have a 2 week trial period where I guess I could try it out. I do feel bad, they're current DCP is leaving May 23rd, and they're waiting to start here June 9th. There's been a lot of back and forth and they signed the contract and gave a deposit -- but, I feel this information should have been mentioned BEFORE all of this. Do I tell them now after receiving this information, I no longer feel comfortable watching the 6 yr. old and possibly lose them both? It's only the summer, 3 days and should I just **** it up and try it. I'm so confused. :confused:

[jenboo]

Its really up to you and your comfort level. I personally would give it a try.
DCB is in therapy and on medication so you know the parents are trying hard to get him to go poop on the potty. Now if it was lazy parenting then I would enroll him but since it seems like a legit reason and they are getting help for it I would try it. It seems like they are doing all they can.
For the lactose intolerance, I would get specifics from the parents. It could be as simple as no glasses of milk, but dairy used in cooking is fine or it can be more extreme and he cannot consume any milk including in cooking. This one really depends on how severe the allergy is.

[daycare]

I had an interview with a family back in August '13. They seemed to be a good fit for their 8 month old. The loved my daycare, but had an issue with my hours, so they didn't enroll. They called back in Dec. to let me know DCD got a promotion and could now work with my hours, but I was full. I have a DCB leaving end of May, so I posted an opening on my website for June and they called immediately wanting the spot. DGC is now 18 months.

Since I had already interviewed them before I just asked them to meet up, so I could go over the handbook, state forms and such. They asked if I would be willing to take on their 5 yr. old for just the summer (attending all day Kindi in the fall), he seemed like a mild mannered lovely boy during the interview, so I agreed. They said all the right things. They'd agreed to my hours and my 1 day off for summers (Thursday's) & They wanted to sign on. They needed someone new because their current DCP was moving to AR.

SOooo... I get the state forms returned with the contract and deposit, and it's listed that the 6 yr. is not potty trained for poop He is seeking therapy for it, and is medicated to help, but has NOT gone 2 weeks accident free (and felt it necessary to tell me with the medicine, it's not pretty) EEEWWW. Why didn't they mention this??? Also, they mention he is lactose intolerant (which I do not have any experience caring for someone that is lactose intolerant and am not really prepared to make separate meals.)

They are the right ages, they'll be here for 3 days a week during the summer. I do have a 2 week trial period where I guess I could try it out. I do feel bad, they're current DCP is leaving May 23rd, and they're waiting to start here June 9th. There's been a lot of back and forth and they signed the contract and gave a deposit -- but, I feel this information should have been mentioned BEFORE all of this. Do I tell them now after receiving this information, I no longer feel comfortable watching the 6 yr. old and possibly lose them both? It's only the summer, 3 days and should I just **** it up and try it. I'm so confused. :confused:

The lactose thing is a no issue for me, I dont eat dairy so that would not affect me, but they should have told you. The poop thing. UGH IDK about that one.

I would be calling them up and telling them that after reading the paperwork that it looks like the SA is special needs, therefore you will need to make special arrangements for this child. If child has a poop accident, the parent will be called to pick up immediatley. I am certain this is what the school did, I don't know any schools that would change a poop accident of a child, they would have them wait for the parents to pick up. I would let them know that you are not sure that the SA kid will work with the type of program that you have, but are willing to try it out with a 3 week trial instead of two.

I would also require a doc note of diagnosis because I would hate for you to have to deal with what I went through. I had a kid that had ":GENETIC LAZINESS", this is why at 5.5 he couldn't use the toilet.

If during the trial you find that you can't manage let them go. If you honestly feel that you won't be able to meet the child's needs just tell them that the other child seems like the perfect fit, but you are not willing to take on the SA.

I had this happen to me about 3 years ago with a kid that had severe gag refulx. The kid threw up 3-4 times a day, parents never even told me about it at all. I termed after 1 week and a refusal to get me a doc note.

If you feel there might be better candidates for you, I would continue to interview.

[spinnymarie]

I agree that I'd try it out, but first I'd contact the parents, explain that you know DCB is special needs and that it is not acceptable that htey kept this from you, and because of that you will do a three week trial with the possibility of not being able to care for him, and a rate increase for the extra care and supplies necessary for a non PT, lactose intolerant child, and then set up another meeting where they sign a new contract with a higher rate and are expected to give you all kinds of medical paperwork and set up an action plan for how his daycare will be handled. Honestly, a SA should be able to clean himself up after an accident, even if isn't able to get to the potty, and I would expect him to do so.

[Leanna]

The lactose thing is a no issue for me, I dont eat dairy so that would not affect me, but they should have told you. The poop thing. UGH IDK about that one.

I would be calling them up and telling them that after reading the paperwork that it looks like the SA is special needs, therefore you will need to make special arrangements for this child. If child has a poop accident, the parent will be called to pick up immediatley. I am certain this is what the school did, I don't know any schools that would change a poop accident of a child, they would have them wait for the parents to pick up. I would let them know that you are not sure that the SA kid will work with the type of program that you have, but are willing to try it out with a 3 week trial instead of two.

I would also require a doc note of diagnosis because I would hate for you to have to deal with what I went through. I had a kid that had ":GENETIC LAZINESS", this is why at 5.5 he couldn't use the toilet.

If during the trial you find that you can't manage let them go. If you honestly feel that you won't be able to meet the child's needs just tell them that the other child seems like the perfect fit, but you are not willing to take on the SA.

I had this happen to me about 3 years ago with a kid that had severe gag refulx. The kid threw up 3-4 times a day, parents never even told me about it at all. I termed after 1 week and a refusal to get me a doc note.

If you feel there might be better candidates for you, I would continue to interview.

Did they have an actual doctor's note that said "genetic laziness"???? or was this just what the parents said?

[Heidi]

I would NOT say the words "special needs". Honestly, while it's not common, I don't think throwing that label around is productive, or fair to children with real issues.

For the lactose intolerance, he just doesn't get dairy. If you use a lot of dairy, at 6, he could bring his own meals, right? Just give them a list of what's expected in each meal, and make sure they aren't going to send junk at all.

As for having accidents, ask them how it's handled. They can either come and assist him, or you can have him clean himself up. It seems like a natural consequence to me, and a 5 year old should be able to manage that. No blame...just a consequence. Otherwise, you call a parent, they come help him, and he stays. It' not likely it'll even happen very often. If they are giving him laxatives, then maybe he can not take them on those days? I'm sure something can be worked out.

[NightOwl]

And do they realize he will be put into a special needs classroom at school? And the school will call for immediate pick up when he has an accident? They will not clean him up. I would try it, on the conditions of immediate pick up when an accident happens and they don't expect you to clean him up. For my nephew who was 4, I told him the next poop accident he had he was cleaning himself up. He was so grossed out by the thought of it that NEVER did it again.

[NightOwl]

Heidi, the school system will consider him special needs. I've had this experience before with a dcg5. They won't put him in a mainstream classroom until he's potty trained.

[jenn]

I think it is completely up to your comfort level!

I already have 5 in diapers, so I would not be able to handle a school ager with bathroom issues. I can barely handle school agers period! (I usually don't accept them, unless they are my daughter's friends and need short term care.)

I would rather tell them no now and allow them time to find someone else, than try it out when I really didn't think it would work out and create an emergency for them when I want him gone later.

I would just tell them that you were not aware of his situation when you agreed to watch him and now that you are familiar with his needs, you do not feel like you are able to provide the care he needs.

In my state we are told to count a delayed child in the age group that they are developmentally in. He would not be considered a school ager if he has the same needs as a non potty trained child and that would put me over ratio.

[midaycare]

Sorry they weren't upfront. Sounds like they had a feeling you might not take him if they were. I'm sure they want the best for him, and they seem to think you are it! They have pursued you pretty hard for their other child.

If it's just the summer ... eh, I would do it.

[jenboo]

And do they realize he will be put into a special needs classroom at school? And the school will call for immediate pick up when he has an accident? They will not clean him up. I would try it, on the conditions of immediate pick up when an accident happens and they don't expect you to clean him up. For my nephew who was 4, I told him the next poop accident he had he was cleaning himself up. He was so grossed out by the thought of it that NEVER did it again.

I think the big difference for me is that it sounds like DCB has some kind of medical/mental condition since he is going to therapy. If he was just doing it to be a stubborn child, that would be different.

I guess i would need more explanation about WHY he is pooping his pants and whats causing it.

[daycare]

Did they have an actual doctor's note that said "genetic laziness"???? or was this just what the parents said?

....the parents said this..... we got into a huge argument that I would no longer change the child and call for pick up, told them I needed a doc note for a child this age and still not PT...... It was funny, yet sad at the same time.....

[Leigh]

I would NOT be willing to change a 6 year old's diaper. Period. I understand that the child probably can't help that he is pooping his pants, but I simply won't do it.

I would let Mom know that you are unable to accept the older child, but are still willing to take the younger one.

The decision is ultimately yours, you will do what YOU are comfortable with. I'd rather lose out on both kids than accept the older one, myself.

[KDC]

Speaking honestly, I'm not sure if I would have taken their family on knowing he was struggling in that area. We are outdoors a lot and like to take more field trips during the summer and I can't imagine being at a spray park or zoo with a 6 yr. old with poop issues. It's one thing to be home and have everything you need to clean-up after an accident. But, to be out in a public area and have to clean up a 6 yr. old's poop in a public restroom with other kiddos around me sounds horrible!! It's doable, just not how I envisioned my summer going. I don't expect kids to be perfect, and I realize this is a health issue and the family has taken him to therapy.

I think if they approached it as a medical issue they're desperately working though instead of "Oh, don't get me started on my 6 yr. old... he's still pooping his pants, ugh!"... the whole thing just turned me off the family. Also, there was a "I'd be great if you could train DCG soon, she seems more ready than DCB." Those comments just made my heart hurt for her son. No wonder Oh and the kicker... it says the 18 month old is a biter.

I do think I'll take these kiddo's on, but only on a trial basis. Because on the whole they'll work with my schedule and a trial can't hurt -- 3 days a week only. Maybe they're exaggerating? crossed fingers...

Food issues, I hate cooking. I am not a good cook at all. This kid may have to bring their own food. I serve a lot of quesedillas, mac n cheese, pizza, and I'm afraid I'll be doing special every meal to accommodate the no milk or cheese. I'll talk to them to find out if cooking with it is okay.

[GKJNIGMN]

Whatever you decide. I hope it works out for you.

I just wanted to add that I have a DCG 5 who was having 2-3 accidents a day at school minimum when school started. Poop accidents as well. She was in a regular classroom and was sent to the nurse to be cleaned up. Her mother would get called only when she didn't have enough extra clothes at school.

She had far less accidents at my house but it was still at least a couple times a week minimum. I would hand her some wipes, find her a private out of the way spot with a garbage and she was to clean herself up. I didn't make her feel bad about it, it was just a logical consequence.

She stopped having accidents a couple months ago for the most part. I dealt with it fine during a school year but during the summer I wouldn't do it again. Not a lot of parks around me even have bathrooms and I don't want to have to turn all the kids around over the one child.