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I think parents are in crisis because parenting has now become competition. Who's having the biggest fanciest birthday party. Who's kid knows the ABC in three different languages. What parent is spending the most time with their kids. I see this so much at work and it does affect their kids. I hear it almost everyday for some child bragging that their parents are taking them to Disney on ice. Well when the other set of parents find out, they books trip to WDW. It's the old "I'm better than you because is spend more money/time with my kid."
Then you have the parents who can't afford to compete and put themselves in serious debt just to fit in. Their kids don't understand why mommy/daddy can't take them to the circus or WDW. They can't understand why I can't have a $300 birthday party at Monkey Joe's so they are crushed and angry. Now mommy/daddy don't want Special Snowflake upset so they spend money that they know they don't have just to keep him/her happy. If I seem a little preachy, I apologize. This is something that I've been seeing more and more especially around this time of year, vacation season. I know that there are parents who scrimp and save to give a magical vacation or super awesome birthday party. I'm not talking about them. These parents are the ones who explain, without great detail, why they can't go some of the places all the time. They also find alternative but equally fun places to go and things to do. IME, these kids have no trouble hearing NO and are few and far between.
Ok, off my soapbox now. Once again, I apologize for sounding preachy but those are my thoughts. -
I think your thoughts are really in line with the TED talk....parents trying to fill all these "voids" for their kids and feeling like they have to do and spend and be all these things in this crazy race for happy kids and perfect parents. its the parenting rat race, no one ever wins!Comment
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I loved that TED talk, thanks for sharing! My mom always said the same thing when we were young and we were whiny or sad: "**** it up, cupcake." I wish more parents would say that to their kids instead of rushing out and trying to buy everything or do everything to make their life perfect. Seriously, **** it up, cupcake.Comment
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Come to my center. It's really a big deal around holidays, especially around Thanksgiving/Christmas time. Any and every activity, regardless of the time of operation, we will have kids leaving 5-6 at a time to get to that activity first. Like I said, "I spend more time with/do more with my child so I'm better than you". I was amazed too, Nanny.Comment
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I liked it but I can't help but long for the days when there were actually kids roaming around the neighborhood, mom's pushing their own children in strollers, dad's teaching their kids how to ride bikes, etc.
If one parent could stay home with the child full time, I think that is the ideal. I think it is sad for children to be raised by daycare centers (including our homes), after school care, etc.
There are special circumstances, of course, but in MOST cases if one parent was home I think THAT is what children need. They need their parents and not quality time but quantity AND quality time.
I know a family who has 3 children, plans for one more, mom and dad both work, grandma watches the 3 and dad makes a fabulous salary and mom a salary higher than most. When I asked grandma (my friend) why mom didn't stay home she said "Mom makes a great salary." My response was "Then why do they want more children?" Makes no sense to me.
LaurelComment
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I agree. I realize this is sort of hypocritical since I provide daycare services but this is also the reason why I dont provide care for very young infants, for stay at home parents, for parents that work loooooong hours. I realize there are a million scenarios about why parents need care in particular situations but for me, I cant go against my values in order to make money. Sure I have a drama parent here and there and what not but for the most part, I like the families that I work with. I try really hard to find families whose values line up with mine......meaning they are invested in their child, involved, attentive, picking up when they have time off, not expecting me to parent their child, bringing a child that is clean/dresses/cared for.
However, the above situation with the Grandma, I dont see an issue with this. Grandmas are ideal caretakes for many families because they love their grandchildren, they are attentive, nurturing caregivers and provided that they are working with the parents, can help provide a stable home life for kids of working parents. I see no big issue with mom and dad having four children and grandma providing the care at home if that is what is working for all the adults involved and the kids. Babies need their moms but later on, I think Grandmas/relatives are the second best choice provided mom and dad are still spending quality time with the kids and still taking the responsibilities of parenting.Comment
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I used to think that but after talking to the parent after the event they admittedly said that they just took the kids to whatever place and left them with the group (there were child care givers) and hung out with other parents. As far as bragging rights for tickets, as soon as a program is announced, its a race to see who can get the best seats. There is eve one parent who makes costumes to match whatever character their kids want to be in the show. Nothing these parents do shock me now.Comment
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In this case grandma has been a child care provider for 20 plus years and while she has voluntarily taken care of her grandkids (for free) she has been sick lately (although almost better) and grandma feels obligated. It IS a lot of grandma's fault cause she doesn't speak up when she should but she is getting better cause me and our other provider friend are trying to make her see the light. She retired a few months ago and still watches their baby although they finally are putting the school aged 2 in daycare this summer. Other grandma is helping so she won't have baby 5 days at least. She admitted to me she would rather not watch them but doesn't want baby somewhere else. So it is a sticky situation but this mom could well afford to stay home. WELL afford it. I find it selfish personally but we are helping grandma with her backbone regarding this. I guess I can't talk cause I am retiring in June and will probably keep my grandson (3) for this summer anyway. I am not near as burnt out as she is though.
This is really a family problem of theirs I realize. She even jokingly told them she thought they had enough kids when they had number 3. She should have been serious and told them that if have another she wouldn't be watching it full time.
LaurelComment
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Ditto.
As per one of the problems of modern parenting, I am glad my personality is such that I focus what pertains to my family and self. If I can afford a vacation to Walt Disney World and we want to go, then so be it. If I cannot afford to go to Walt Disney World and we want to go, and all my neighbors take their kids IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY SITUATION. We are not going until we can afford and want to go.
I am not interested in keeping up with the Jones. I do not model the keeping up with others mentality for my children to carry on in their lives.Comment
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