How Strict Are You?

[nannyde]

Okay, I don't want to flame you....I actually really like you and respect your contribution to this forum. However, I have to ask....are you licensed? I don't see licensing allowing spanking in daycare homes or centers.

And, out of curiousity, how did you brooch the subject of spanking with your daycare parents without fear that thye would have a completely different philosophy than you and report you to the county?

I think Arkansas allows spanking in schools. Possibly that extends to day care?

[Crystal]

I think Arkansas allows spanking in schools. Possibly that extends to day care?

Perhaps? I know Oklahoma allows spanking in schools too, or at least used to.

I am very curious to know....I'll have to look it up.

But, really, I want to know how it comes up with parents. I'd be concerned about what a parent might think if I even suggested it!

[SilverSabre25]

Define 'strict' , .

I have high expectations and very few rules. The kids (mine and clients) know the behavior I expect from them and they meet the goal 98% of the time. Consequences are few and far between here ~ mostly because they know that I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

So if that is strict, then yeah, I guess I'm strict. But they love me for it

This, mostly. With some exceptions that are necessary to make things run smoothly, our rules are basically: respect yourself, respect others, respect the space around you. And a few specifics like no toys in the kitchen and upstairs toys stay upstairs/downstairs toys stay downstairs and food/drink stay in the kitchen.

I come from a play-based, child-centered background. I believe, really, truly believe in every child's ability to make choices for themselves. I believe in offering respect to get respect, in offering choices and giving power everywhere it is appropriate. Reggio Emilia and Montessori are two of my biggest inspirations.

I use natural and logical consequences. I use redirection, good choice/not good choice (and safe choice, etc). I do use time out in age-appropriate ways and for major issues. I do not force sharing--I enforce children's freedom to choose who they want to play with and what they want to play with and children have to wait their turn--in most cases.

Usually, we have very few issues. What issues we do have stem more from wherever the child is developmentally rather than a lack of "discipline" or anything.

[MommyMuffin]

and be honest....how hard are you on your dck's?

i treat all mine equally and the same as my own. i run a FAMILY based childcare not a center style daycare. i'm more lient (sp?) on my dck's than some i have read about here and elsewhere. Now if the need arises , yes, i can be stern and loud ::

i guess sometimes what i read about i truly am shocked and would hate to be a child there...i also think IMO that sometimes people arent as true about what they 'really' do or dont do.

like what are your disciplining techniques ?

I use timeout of course, but we all know it doesnt work normally...
i remove from activity and sit them on the couch, corner sometimes or call mom/dad if necessary...normally a firm NO is all they need. i do have a dcb,2, who i will put to bed if before 2pm cuz he's just tired and acts out more

I posted a response as I am new and trying my best to discipline the children and I am constantly making sure that I am doing things the right way.
I was reading this post again and thinking...it sounds like you are not asking for discipline advice.
I am just curious as to where you want this thread to go and/or address? It seems that it is somewhat putting down providers on the forum without naming names and giving others more room to toot their own horn.
I have never been "outspoken" on this forum but i really like this forum and want to continue to use it for advice and I want other providers to feel good about coming here too.

[Lilbutterflie]

Some school districts in Texas also still allow spanking. As a matter of fact, my niece told me at her school that sometimes the principal will walk up and down the hallways with a "spanking stick" just to let the kids know they need to behave (she was in 5th grade at the time). Her mom told me at the beginning of the school year the parents received a note from the principal stating that they DO spank for certain offenses and the parents have no say in the matter.
BUT daycare regulations in Texas are strictly against spanking.

[momofsix]

Well, i treat treat the dcks pretty much the same as my own, (except no spanking for dcks ever) One of my daughters is taking a child dev. class right now. they are learning parenting styles and she asked me what I thought I was. (Authoritarian, authorative, permissive, neglectful) I said I strive to be authorative, but often end up swinging toward the permissive-and that's the same exact answer she gave:: so even though I'm far from perfect, at least my kids (and dcks) know where I stand!
I don't have a list of "rules", but if someone asked the kids what my rules were they would probably come up with:

Walking feet in the house
indoor voices in the house
keep your bodies to yourself

[safechner]

Some school districts in Texas also still allow spanking. As a matter of fact, my niece told me at her school that sometimes the principal will walk up and down the hallways with a "spanking stick" just to let the kids know they need to behave (she was in 5th grade at the time). Her mom told me at the beginning of the school year the parents received a note from the principal stating that they DO spank for certain offenses and the parents have no say in the matter.
BUT daycare regulations in Texas are strictly against spanking.

Daycare regulations in Texas are allowed to spank at least 5 years old with parents permission. However, they are not allowed to spank from birth to 5 years at all.

[nannyde]

My group has all been with me since they were infants..

Wow I've never heard you say that. How do you do that with twleve to fourteen slots and only four slots under two? How would you be able to have enough slots with the incoming infants to feed into that many over two slots at any one given time?

That would be pretty tough mathmatically. I could see it with eight slots (I do that and it aint easy) but doing it with 12 to 14 that would be a heck of a task.

When did you get to the point you had all your kids from babies? How far along were you in your career? Was that within the last months or year?

I'm intersted because I've only met a couple of providers in my career that have had larger groups where they were able to pull that off and they didn't have twelve full time and two part time slots that could be taken by five and unders.

Congrats to you for doing it though. I admire any provider that raise the "pay and stay" groups. It's one of the marks of a truly well ran business that has stability and makes it thru the long haul.

[BentleysBands]

I'd rather not point out things i was personally shocked at...its not right. as another PP asked about.

we all seem to pretty much have the same expectations. i thought i was 'too' soft sometimes but I guess i'm the norm good to hear !

Kudos to the person who admitted they spank!! Tho i personally do not agree, I totally respect that YOUR decision to do so and ADMIT IT

my parents have ALL told me thru the years to spank as needed, i just choose NOT to. But thats a whole 'nother subject.

Reading alot of these posts also opened my own eyes to some approaches i hadn't thought of. its always nice to see someone elses point of view

[Crystal]

Wow I've never heard you say that. How do you do that with twleve to fourteen slots and only four slots under two? How would you be able to have enough slots with the incoming infants to feed into that many over two slots at any one given time?

That would be pretty tough mathmatically. I could see it with eight slots (I do that and it aint easy) but doing it with 12 to 14 that would be a heck of a task.

When did you get to the point you had all your kids from babies? How far along were you in your career? Was that within the last months or year?

I'm intersted because I've only met a couple of providers in my career that have had larger groups where they were able to pull that off and they didn't have twelve full time and two part time slots that could be taken by five and unders.

Congrats to you for doing it though. I admire any provider that raise the "pay and stay" groups. It's one of the marks of a truly well ran business that has stability and makes it thru the long haul.

My children start with me as infants. It has been a long time since I actually had an opening because of that. It has worked out so that when one child has gone on to school, a currently enrolled family had a baby. (This happened three times in the past two years, all within June and July of 2008) The fourth infant that started at the same time is the cousin of another child in my program. I have that happen alot as well, current families have family members that they refer to me. I have had families stay with me for years, the most recent family that moved on had been with me for 11 years, since dcb 1 was one year old, and then the family had a baby, who was 8 when they left this fall. I have been fortunate that families start with me and stay with me....even as my families have gone through long periods of unemployment, they have still stayed and paid. Right now I have 4 two year olds, 3 of those babies born into my program (met each one of them in the hospital the day they were born) and the rest are 3-6 years old. I am also still in contact with many of my former families, as once they begin here, they become part of the family.

[SandeeAR]

Okay, I don't want to flame you....I actually really like you and respect your contribution to this forum. However, I have to ask....are you licensed? I don't see licensing allowing spanking in daycare homes or centers.

And, out of curiousity, how did you brooch the subject of spanking with your daycare parents without fear that thye would have a completely different philosophy than you and report you to the county?

No I am not licensed. Have no plans to ever be so. That is why the parents chose me. They didn't want a large daycare center. One of my kids was pulled from one of those centers to attend at my home.

Two of my parents I knew before I opened and knew they both spanked the kids and told me to do so. One has even told me more than once when I told them what the child had done, to spank her. I told them, no I saved that for VERY serious things, things that will hurt them or is VERY out of line.

As for being reported, again, I'm not licensed, so no one to report to.

[SandeeAR]

I'd rather not point out things i was personally shocked at...its not right. as another PP asked about.

Kudos to the person who admitted they spank!! Tho i personally do not agree, I totally respect that YOUR decision to do so and ADMIT IT

Reading alot of these posts also opened my own eyes to some approaches i hadn't thought of. its always nice to see someone elses point of view

Well, you ask us to be honest. I am an honest person. To answer and leave out that part, would be lying by ommision. I dearly love my kiddos and the parents and the kiddos and parents love me.

Just two days ago, the one that I have spanked, came up to me about 6 times that day and wanted to cuddle and told me " I love you".

I spanked my own kids. I can count how many times on both hands in all their growning up. I think I raised better good kids. I know it is not a popular thing with this generation of parents. But, folks take a look at our youth in the last 25 years. Look at the problems the schools have.

When I was a kid (yep dating myself here), when you got in trouble at school, you got in trouble at home. Kids didn't get away with half what they do now days.

BTW, for the record, when I say I spank, I'm talking a couple of quick swats on the behind. Just an attention getter, that I am serious. Not a beating folks.

[TGT09]

I feel too strict at times but then I let me guard down a little, they step on me. I have stopped letting my guard down so I feel like a big meany most days but feel like I have no choice.

I mostly have two 3yo's. Dcg's parents are fairly strict with her and I know that she just likes to test me to see what her boundaries are. Dcb's parents are not strict at all with "him" or his older sister but they have two older boys who they are much more strict on. It drives me bonkers because dcb does not listen at all.

[missnikki]

When I was a kid (yep dating myself here), when you got in trouble at school, you got in trouble at home. Kids didn't get away with half what they do now days.

Isn't that the truth! I work at a school, and let me tell you- the parents hear me, turn to the kid and say "Is that true?" The kid says "Yeah, but ____ did it first" or whatever excuse, then the parent walks out the door. Next day, I hear all about how nothing happened, almost in a 'neener neener' kind of way. I am thinking of one parent in particular, but it happens with plenty, trust me. I just want to spank the parent and say "BAD PARENT!!!"

[countrymom]

I'm mean and strict, with my own kids and daycare kids too. Acually from reading all the posts, I'm exactly like all of you. I don't let the kids walk all over me, I don't put up with their nonsense and I discipline when needed. I think thats why the children respect each other more here, use their manners, and are really good kids. Like another poster said, "you need to show children what you expect from them" and its true. On tues. we go to the library and I take 5 kids under 5 and they are the best well behaved group, I even had a mom ask me how come they are so good (her 3 yr old runs thru the library screaming and trying to strangle the kids--nice uh!) well I told her, that they know if they misbehave that we are not going to come back and when we come home that they would stand in the corner for misbehaving. I can take my group anywhere and people are so amazed. I have this 2 yr old that for the last 2 months all he did was hit the children and run and hide, he would spend most of his days in time out (redirecting was not working) well he finally got tired of going to the corner and has stopped hitting.
Oh, what kills me the most, if you hear these parents in the morning complain how bad their kids are you would be thinking that they are talking about other children not these ones, they are so good for me. I think the problem is, is that parents would rather be friends with their children than parent their kids, its like they are afraid to put their kids in the corner because omg their child will cry or give them what the want otherwise a temper tantrum will result. But what are they really doing, creating spoiled brats.
I expect my children to do their best even in school, I don't care for slackers and because I have a niece who is barely passing highschool I always tell my kids that they don't want to be like A because she's not going to go anywhere in life. I want them to do their best so yes i'm mean. Oh, I'm a yeller, sometimes thats the only way to get my point across.