How to Handle This Child

[kitykids3]

I have a little girl who turned 2 in December. She reminds me of a few other kids I have had - very smart, but also strong willed. However, this dcg, goes a step beyond. She is into everything. EVERYTHING and everyone's personal space. If it's time to sit, she sits right up against a friend, almost on them. She pulls the nuk out of another girls mouth and her hair things out of her hair. If I have my laptop or any other teacher stuff within reach, she will touch, and I know she knows not to. She'll sometimes look at me with that look. I have 2 infants and I think part of it is attention seeking, but she seems to need practically constant attention.

I have tried different things but other than having her be my shadow (which still wouldn't last) I don't know what to do. Nothing seems to faze her and she just can't sit still or keep to herself. Today made me upset cuz once again she went right up the stairs to the foyer when her friend got dropped off and while dcm was still taking her coat off, this dcg was pulling the nuk out of her mouth. Mom was obviously upset and told her not to touch. Dcg dad and I were talking and I could tell dad was upset/surprised. I've been trying to teach her to give other people and their belongings some space, but doesn't seem to be working. She'll even get up from the table in the other room to get in her face when she gets dropped off. She always wants to grab the bottles from the parents of the babies and one parent works with me on making her ask instead of just grabbing, but this has been going on for months now. Now I have 2 upset parents. Any ideas?

[coolconfidentme]

Does her mom work with you?

[rosieteddy]

I think she should be contained --playpen ,playspace ect. I have a playzone-big corral ,it has a locking door .I usually just use it for under 2's when I am feeding infants or doing a project.We call it the clubhouse.I would tell her that she needs to play there if she can;t leave others alone. I especially would not let her go to coat area while others are dropping off.I have gates everywhere. She should get the message soon. Goodluck.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I think she should be contained --playpen ,playspace ect. I have a playzone-big corral ,it has a locking door .I usually just use it for under 2's when I am feeding infants or doing a project.We call it the clubhouse.I would tell her that she needs to play there if she can;t leave others alone. I especially would not let her go to coat area while others are dropping off.I have gates everywhere. She should get the message soon. Goodluck.

That is what i would do, too. I also do not allowing touching here so, "DCK, do not touch the baby, please." I don't let them touch each other OR baby things if they are not a baby.

[preschoolteacher]

I don't let any kids go by the entrance during drop offs and pick ups.

I agree with giving her an area to play by herself when she won't stop touching the other kids.

Sensory activities like water, sand, rice, play dough could help if she just HAS to touch. She might be seeking some sensory input.

[kitykids3]

I don't allow touching of babies or their things. For the most part, they are in their own room so they have free reign and the older kids are not allowed in that room.

I don't really believe in containment and sometimes I do send her to the other room to play, but she'll just lay on the floor in there or act out. I'd be sending her there 15 times a day. Maybe I'll just have to do more of it. It's just been months and there has been such little improvement when I know she's smart enough to understand. I almost wonder if something might be there. She can't ever just sit and play with a toy if there are other people around.

I have told mom about the issue a couple times but not seriously. I wanna try and fix it here. Mom says at home she is into everything too.

[hwichlaz]

I would stick her right in time out, EVERY time. Also, make a chart to reward her on good days. Start out small. The first week, reward her for days that she only needs 5 or fewer reminders....etc.

[Heidi]

She's just 2!

Yes, it's annoying, but it's in the range of typical behavior.

Keep telling her, keep redirecting "go play with toys" (instead of other people's stuff).

Don't let the other kids walk around with pacifiers. That, at least, solves that problem.

[Blackcat31]

I don't allow touching of babies or their things. For the most part, they are in their own room so they have free reign and the older kids are not allowed in that room.

I don't really believe in containment and sometimes I do send her to the other room to play, but she'll just lay on the floor in there or act out. I'd be sending her there 15 times a day. Maybe I'll just have to do more of it. It's just been months and there has been such little improvement when I know she's smart enough to understand. I almost wonder if something might be there. She can't ever just sit and play with a toy if there are other people around.

I have told mom about the issue a couple times but not seriously. I wanna try and fix it here. Mom says at home she is into everything too.

Sounds like she is just a busy body that "needs" to be included in everything that goes on.

I'd definitely send her to the other room during ALL drop offs and pick ups until she begins to actually listen to you when you tell her to stop touching/taking etc...

I would NOT go the reward chart route because I think you just create a different kind of monster when you reward someone for expected behavior.

Instead I would tell her she is NOT allowed to accompany you when greeting parents because she doesn't listen and have her "go play".

Once she begins to listen and not touch other people and their belongings unless asked, then I would allow her to be present during parent drop off/pick ups.

Basically right now she isn't listening... therefore she doesn't get to be present.

As a parent, I would be upset too if a DCK grabbed at my baby's things upon drop off/pick up. The whole thing has the potential of being a big liability if she (DCG) accidentally hurts a baby while trying to be helpful....kwim?

[Heidi]

Sounds like she is just a busy body that "needs" to be included in everything that goes on.

I'd definitely send her to the other room during ALL drop offs and pick ups until she begins to actually listen to you when you tell her to stop touching/taking etc...

I would NOT go the reward chart route because I think you just create a different kind of monster when you reward someone for expected behavior.

Instead I would tell her she is NOT allowed to accompany you when greeting parents because she doesn't listen and have her "go play".

Once she begins to listen and not touch other people and their belongings unless asked, then I would allow her to be present during parent drop off/pick ups.

Basically right now she isn't listening... therefore she doesn't get to be present.

As a parent, I would be upset too if a DCK grabbed at my baby's things upon drop off/pick up. The whole thing has the potential of being a big liability if she (DCG) accidentally hurts a baby while trying to be helpful....kwim?

a "new 2" can't think through a behavioral chart, anyway. She's just not old enough for that, even if you were keen on the idea. Basically, you just need to remove the opportunity, not try to manage the situations. Get a gate if you need to.

[BumbleBee]

I have your dck's twin. 2.5 yo boy, exactly as you described. Here in Michigan we cannot do timeout until age 3.

What I have done is physical boundaries (gates mostly) and have the room set up so that I can put a pressure mounted gate up and have 2 seperate areas. When he's being touchy/feely busy he goes in one one area while the other children are in the other area. He strongly dislikes being seperated.

He is not allowed anywhere near the drop off area (again, physical boundaries).

Firm boundaries and consistency are what I believe works.

[Blackcat31]

I have your dck's twin. 2.5 yo boy, exactly as you described. Here in Michigan we cannot do timeout until age 3.

What I have done is physical boundaries (gates mostly) and have the room set up so that I can put a pressure mounted gate up and have 2 seperate areas. When he's being touchy/feely busy he goes in one one area while the other children are in the other area. He strongly dislikes being seperated.

He is not allowed anywhere near the drop off area (again, physical boundaries).

Firm boundaries and consistency are what I believe works.

NannyDe has a fantastic video about teaching kids boundaries...

Has some good info in it....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGa9BURyIw0

[kitykids3]

I appreciate all the responses. I am consistent and firm. I think some parents think I am strict because of my firmness and consistency. I don't do time outs per say, but I do have her go in the other room away from kids as soon as she is doing it. I have told her for months no touching babies, baby things, friends' stuff, etc. She knows she's not allowed to go into the foyer.

I think starting Monday I will have the other mom text me before she gets here and I will send dcg to the other room. I don't want to have gates everywhere. I couldn't handle that. I have multiple rooms. I have one to the baby room, that's it.

It's not just at dropoffs, she does this stuff all day long. She tests and tests the boundaries.

I've not seen this kind of typical 2 behavior before and she's so smart sometimes i'm thinking she's 3. hehe. And I don't believe in taking away another child's nuk because of this child. It's like punishing the victim. And if it's not the nuk, it's hair things, or food, or their toy, etc. etc. All. day. long.

I guess I'll just have to keep separating her from the others, but hopefully don't kill her spirit and in the meantime try to give more positive attention as she learns (I'm hoping) of how to keep her distance. I'll watch the video too.

[SignMeUp]

and maybe ...

...keep trying to find a positive thing about her behavior regularly.
I tell my preschool dcbs to high-five themselves :: when they do something right. They love it.
Have
Only
Positive
Expectations

[hwichlaz]

I have one just like her, but she's only 18 months old. And she's out of the playpen or tot fence faster than I can put her in it. When I have to cook a meal or go to the bathroom, I just take her with me. She sits in the high chair with a toddler's knife and tries to cut up a carrot or something while I make meals.