Kisses! Kisses! More Kisses!!!!!

[CraftyMom]

Honestly I think it's odd that she would be so adamant about you kissing her child, especially if you are uncomfortable with it. Kisses are an act of love. Yes, a daycare provider is a loving person, but to shower a child that she JUST MET with kisses every day is a bit much to ask for. You don't yet love this child. Especially after expressing your being uncomfortable and how it is upsetting the daycare vibe. Yes, we give love and comfort and kiss boo-boos and kiss heads or cheeks occasionally, but this is going beyond your comfort zone and it is not ok for mom to expect this from you. I think she just assumes that you are a daycare provider, you automatically love all children in your care and you should WANT to do this, it's your job. But that's not how it works.

In my daycare I guarantee all the other kids would be wanting the same and crying for kisses

[daycare]

I have been following this and I just find it so weird of this parent. I guess for me, kissing is a very emotional and intimate action. NOT something that I do to just anyone.

I don't allow kissing. It spreads germs. I don't let the kids kiss each other and I don't kiss the kids. I do have kids that like to kiss me on the check good-bye, but to be honest that even grosses me out, so I try to avoid it as much as I can.

I agree with what the others are saying. You have to develop your own nap time routine that works for the whole group. There is no way that you could manage 4-10 individual bedtime routines each and every nap time.

Bottom line, mom needs to help her child adapt to your program. I would not even mention the kissing anymore.

DCM here is our naptime routine, please help sally to learn and understand it. Then just drop it.

It sounds like this mom just wants her child to be "SPECIAL" and treated with "SPECIAL". If that is what mom wants, then tell mom that you will call her right after DCG is lay down so that DCM can conduct the routine. Due to the inconvenience of her interrupting your program, you will have to charge a fee of $50.00 a day and the parent needs to be consistent with the routine such it is so NEEDED....


I can't stand when parents THINK that their child NEEDS everything under the sun from them and everyone!!!!

[KiddieCahoots]

You have not bungled anything, or done anything wrong!
This parent is expecting performances from you that are not part of a group reality.
She is the one who is in denial with her expectations of group child care!
She'll get over it and work with you....for her daughter's sake, or leave thinking it will be greener on the other side of the hill.
If you cave in now, what will be the next request?
Steadfast! You are doing a great job!

[NightOwl]

How did it go today?

[Tasha]

It did not go well. DCG was screaming yet again today. I feel awful and very inadequate, and I haven't felt that way in a long time. I've read threads on here where providers will spend literally months listening to children scream at naptime, and I don't know how they have such patience. Today was day 8 and it's driving me nuts because nothing I am doing is working. I talked to DCM again at pickup today briefly and I got insight into what she thinks of my role. She said her last ''babysitter'' (who closed her business) was like a second mom to DCG and there were never any issues. So I believe it's not that DCM especially wants me to give her daughter kisses, my impression is that she just wants me to do whatever it takes to meet her daughter wants/needs. She said she did talk to dcg last night but I don't know - the behavior was the same. Does anybody have anymore ideas? Is there another way I can handle this? I feel like the mom is a brick wall, and now it's turning into a battle of wills, which is not good.

[momof333]

I would not use kisses. But agree with talking to the dcg and forming a new routine with her. That would be the best thing for all parties involved. You are comfortable and have no worries about could be said, the girl builds a bond with you that is different then moms, and the mom still has her special evening ritual.

momof333
thetinyelephant.com

[Tasha]

You have not bungled anything, or done anything wrong!
This parent is expecting performances from you that are not part of a group reality.
She is the one who is in denial with her expectations of group child care!
She'll get over it and work with you....for her daughter's sake, or leave thinking it will be greener on the other side of the hill.
If you cave in now, what will be the next request?
Steadfast! You are doing a great job!

Thank you so much, KC. I don't get any vibe that she is thinking of pulling her child, which I find odd because I've been such a harpy about the crying! I mean, I'm getting on my own nerves with this... A previous poster suggested that it would be easy peasy to find another provider who would have no problem at all showering kisses on dcg, but I'm not so sure of that. I really wonder... I might be finding out soon enough, though.

[CraftyMom]

Do you have a trial period? If you do then use it

If dcg hasn't adjusted to your group setting during your allotted trial period then it may not be a good fit.

You may decide to give one more week beyond the trial period, but let mom know that by xxxxx date if dcg is still not adjusting to YOUR routine (the same routine you have with everyone else, not one created for her) then the arrangement will not work and care will end

In 8 days she hasn't gotten any better?

[CraftyMom]

I would not use kisses. But agree with talking to the dcg and forming a new routine with her. That would be the best thing for all parties involved. You are comfortable and have no worries about could be said, the girl builds a bond with you that is different then moms, and the mom still has her special evening ritual.

momof333
thetinyelephant.com

If this works and you are willing, but I can't see having a different routine for different kids, it isn't solving the problem, but creating another issue. I don't think OP's issue was with the actual kissing, but the disruption in the naptime routine she currently has with everyone else (but I may be wrong)

[Unregistered]

The mom turned that into an awkward situation!

It didn't need to be awkward but she made it that way.

I think that the approach that I would have taken would have been to express he importance of the mom keeping that special routine for her and her child to share. I think it's important that parents maintain those special moments with their kids. Providers are more than capable of creating new routines with kids and helping newly enrolled kids adjust.

I'm a provider and I'm a mother. I'm not comfortable with taking on the role of being a second mom to the kids that I care for nor am I comfortable with dc parents expecting that from me.

[KiddieCahoots]

Your welcome Tasha
I had a dcm who acted the same way. I bent over backwards to try and make it right, to no avail. dcp's were in such denial, they claimed dcb didn't need EI services, after having EI in their home and here in the child care for 8 months.
Some parents live in denial and will not see anything we present to them. Rather than see that we are trying to help, will look at us as the "bad guy" for bringing it to light, or not giving "special treatment".
I was going to mention giving dcm something google'd on "sleep association", but not sure if that would help.
CraftymMom made the suggestion of using your trial period & termination, and might be the only way to go, if dcm & dcb don't respond.
Speaking from a similar and recent experience, feel it would be much better than getting down on yourself, and burnt out...kwim?

[Unregistered]

Am I correct that she is only 2 years old?

At 2 I wouldn't honestly expect her to cognitively understand her mother telling her that she can't have kisses from a provider at naptime.

[Tasha]

Yes, she is 2 years old, very bright, potty trained, and I do believe she understands the difference between Mommy's kisses at home and mine at daycare. Friday is the last day of the 2-week trial period, and I am under the gun trying to figure out what to do. Last night I thought I would initiate my own routine with her that included hugs... but then I realized I'd be right back where I started from because all eyes are on her at naptime because she is so loud and demanding, and so that means I'd have to establish routines with all the little ones. I asked DCM today how well DCG is going to sleep at night, and she said with a big smile, ''Like a champ.'' I bet, since she's getting barely any sleep here.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Yes, she is 2 years old, very bright, potty trained, and I do believe she understands the difference between Mommy's kisses at home and mine at daycare. Friday is the last day of the 2-week trial period, and I am under the gun trying to figure out what to do. Last night I thought I would initiate my own routine with her that included hugs... but then I realized I'd be right back where I started from because all eyes are on her at naptime because she is so loud and demanding, and so that means I'd have to establish routines with all the little ones. I asked DCM today how well DCG is going to sleep at night, and she said with a big smile, ''Like a champ.'' I bet, since she's getting barely any sleep here.

I am one who NEEDS the income (it's our only income) but even I would let them go. I value my break each day way too much. Or, I would extend the trial 2 more weeks and see if you can't get her on board.

[cheerfuldom]

If you dont have the space to transition in a nap time screamer without disturbing the other kids, then I would term.