Do You Justify Your Childcare Style?

[ihop]

I will start out by saying in the beginning (when I had no experience) I cannot imagine running a child care facility the way I do now so I do understand other perspective...

My sister came to stay with me last week and while she was here she voice a lot of dislike for the way I interact with the children. I am very nurturing when it is needed and very no nonsense when needed.

Example. 9 month old dcg is screaming on the floor with her arms up every time I walk by her. She is fed, changed, and has lots of toys and books to play with. She just wants to be held. We had cuddle time in the morning since she is my first drop off. She has been going through a "hold me all the time " phase for the past month. It is finally starting to get better. If I had picked her up when I walked by it would have just made it worse in ten minutes when I start getting ready for outside play time.

My sister is pacing the room sighing and asking "can I just hold her if you aren't going to? I cannot imagine just letting her cry all day".
I explained why I wasn't holding her and that she would calm down in a few minutes, which she did.

I cant imagine holding her all day and caring for 5 more under 3!

I had a very similar issue when my assistant started, with little experience, she was so overwhelmed with the crying. I told her she was welcome to hold them if she thought it was right. Pretty soon it was 100 times worse. She caught on pretty quickly.

I do loads of reassurance and make sure they are well cared for but I will not spend twelve hours a day holding 100 pounds worth of children.

I hate feeling like I need to justify myself to people and be judged for the way I do things.

Do any of you encounter these things and how do you respond?

[Heidi]

yes....I know exactly what you're saying.

My 9 mo dcb is a freakin' lunatic on Mondays. Each weekday gets better, and by Thursday he's usually content to play and explore. He's close to the most intense kid I've ever had, and I have a deep bond with him, since I was at his birth (friend's child).

The one I have the hardest time explaining it to is his mom, of course. She does not understand group care, nor does she get that it's actually better for him to be independent.

He's getting it, he has no choice!::


Lucky for me, my sister is a dcp too, so I have her in my court on these things. MIL was my sub, and will say "boy oh boy is that one spoiled". My assistant, a young woman with less experience, gets a whole lot more crying than I do, no question. But, she knows this is because she's "softer" than I am.

[KiddieCahoots]

Ugh! Provider complex!!! That's what I refer to it when I'm feeling it.
This is exactly the reason behind my schedule choice for Monday's.....easy drifting back into the routine. Letting the kids remember where they are, especially my babes that have been held all weekend.
This would sound insensitive or wrong to some.....I totally get what your saying!
But common! Us sitting there holding and coddling all day? That just isn't a group reality!
I'm in the same boat with you. I try to continue what I do in front of the parents, in a no nonsense kind of way, and in the end feel better about it when I do, but that's not always easy.

[melilley]

I feel ya!
My mom was in town last week and it was kind of stressful. I have a 5 mo old that recently always wants to be held and as we all know, we can't do that all day. Well my mom kept making comments on how she cries all day and she doesn't know how I do it and the baby is crying again, and things along those lines. She wasn't being mean, but it made the day more stressful. I do things the way i do because thats what works. Honestly her crying doesn't bother me because I know why she is crying, but when others put their two cents in, it makes it worse.

[cheerfuldom]

I had an assistant that refused to put down a crying child. If a child cried, she would pick them up, no questions asked. I was livid the first time she was on her own with the kids and had left them unfed and unchanged for hours because she felt she could not move on to another task if someone was crying. She was very AP and very no-crying-no-CIO but clearly learned firsthand that you absolutely cannot do group care while catering to the crying. You HAVE to put kids down. Sometimes they really do need some attention or something but they have to wait....a lot....thats just group care. I was very clear that that wasnt acceptable!! I ended up firing her down the road for other issues because again, some people do not get group care at all, even when the visuals are right there in front of them every single moment and every single day. some people will never get it.

i actually hired my sister at one point (big mistake) and she was the other extreme. wouldnt do anything for the kids, crying never bothered her, would wait way too long to address their needs and it was really bad.

[Kabob]

I interviewed a mom of an almost 2 yo girl that was given notice at her last daycare because dcg wanted to be held all day. Dcm angrily said to me "That lady only had 3 other kids to care for so I don't see what the big deal was. If she can't handle holding my daughter all day then clearly she shouldn't be a daycare provider." Suddenly my prices jumped up and I couldn't accommodate the schedule she wanted so she decided to look elsewhere.

[DaisyMamma]

No way.
Give your sister a list of hotels

Or ask her nicely that she needs to be out of the house during daycare hours. Tell her its a new rule from the state.

It makes me very angry when my husband gets home and says anything to a dck in regards to discipline. or asks me anything that implies he doesn't agree with my methods. He is the only one that does it thank goodness. he isn't around much. My sub and assistant all think the way you and I do.

[Heidi]

No way.
Give your sister a list of hotels

Or ask her nicely that she needs to be out of the house during daycare hours. Tell her its a new rule from the state.

It makes me very angry when my husband gets home and says anything to a dck in regards to discipline. or asks me anything that implies he doesn't agree with my methods. He is the only one that does it thank goodness. he isn't around much. My sub and assistant all think the way you and I do.

My DH likes to say things like "what a fun job you have" and "I want to stay here and play with you guys all day".

Strangely enough, when he gets a weekday off, he does NOT stay and play with us all day.

[KiddieCahoots]

It makes me very angry when my husband gets home and says anything to a dck in regards to discipline. or asks me anything that implies he doesn't agree with my methods. He is the only one that does it thank goodness. he isn't around much. My sub and assistant all think the way you and I do.

Omg! :: Don't even get me going on the dh trying to do our jobs!
I still have the hardest time keeping dh out of the (very small) kitchen space when I'm preparing lunch! You'd think I was ringing Pavlov's bell! ::

[Blackcat31]

My DH likes to say things like "what a fun job you have" and "I want to stay here and play with you guys all day".

Strangely enough, when he gets a weekday off, he does NOT stay and play with us all day.

This is where I am lucky. My DH's mom ran a daycare while he was growing up. He was pretty involved and knows exactly what my day entails.

It can't be too bad because he still comes in every day and handles lunch and rest time so I can't complain.


OP~ Whenever anyone has trouble understanding what I do and why I do it, I just tell them that I don't do their job for a reason so I imagine they aren't doing mine for the same reason.

[daycarediva]

My dh says I am too soft. He is the definite disciplinarian in our home.

I don't give in to crying/whining. We have a cry spot for that. ( kids are 2-5) my mom is the overly kind grandma type and brings them candy if she pops in. She also catered to them (different meals!!! Movie!!! No nap!!!) When she subbed for me one day. It will NOT happen again. She seriously was shocked I was upset, because the kids were all happy. I would be happy if I got my way all day, too!

[NoMoreJuice!]

Tough love

My big crybabies are not babies (I only enroll 18 months+) they're 3 and 4 years old. And if you give them an inch, they'll cry until they get a mile...at home. Not at my house, cupcakes! My favorite thing to do when they start crying over something ridiculous (mostly sharing issues) is to stare at them. Just look at them. It's pretty funny, because the first few times it really freaked them out. But 99% of the time, they will talk it out themselves and decide that A can have the toy for a 10 minutes, then A agrees to give K the toy for a 10 minutes. It's seriously been amazing watching them resolve their own issues! I used to try and solve every single problem, but at some point I gave up. And started staring.

[Heidi]

My big crybabies are not babies (I only enroll 18 months+) they're 3 and 4 years old. And if you give them an inch, they'll cry until they get a mile...at home. Not at my house, cupcakes! My favorite thing to do when they start crying over something ridiculous (mostly sharing issues) is to stare at them. Just look at them. It's pretty funny, because the first few times it really freaked them out. But 99% of the time, they will talk it out themselves and decide that A can have the toy for a 10 minutes, then A agrees to give K the toy for a 10 minutes. It's seriously been amazing watching them resolve their own issues! I used to try and solve every single problem, but at some point I gave up. And started staring.

I will just have to try that!

[rosieteddy]

I have been going out of my mind.Three other adults have been home for three years .They are always listening.Drives me nuts.Can I pick them up I hear constantly.Now two have gone out to work.They just can't get the concept of nap time --get out between 1 and 3;30. OMG are you new here I say.

[cara041083]

I know exactly what your saying. I watched my best friends son over spring break and she basically said the same thing as you spelled out in this post. She said I was mean and then explained to me that her sons old daycare would go above and beyond and buy the kids things like tablets and game systems for their birthdays and then right it off at the end of the year and she was so caring and treated them like he own children. She told me all the other stuff she did. I told her that's awesome and maybe she should take him there next time. I didn't have the heart to tell her that the daycare shes bragging about probley ran it the same way I did she just didn't see it because she wasn't there all day. I will add that Im not mean, but for example I tell all parents that I don't hold my own baby all day and Im certainly not going to hold theres all day and if that's what they want for there child then they need a 1 on 1 nanny!