How Do You Ask.....

[Christina72684]

"Does your child get everything they want at home?"

4yr old boy, 2nd week here and nothing's changed. "I don't want to eat breakfast." "I don't want to play" "I don't want to take a nap" (that's the one I hear all day long!)

I suggest all sorts of things and every time "I don't want to _____." He's an only child, rarely around other kids, and only here to get ready for kindergarten. I'm assuming he gets his way at home, but don't know how to ask about it or address the issue with mom.

[Cat Herder]

"Can you tell me about your discipline routine at home?"

"How do you deal with defiance?"

**These are part of the Discipline Plan Training with parents. ***

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

What have YOU tried to curb his irritating "no" opinions in your care? That can drive you bonkers.

I would definitely ask what Mom does when he says he doesn't like or want to do something because you are having participating issues.

[Blackcat31]

I wouldn't concern myself with what goes on at home.

If you are having issues or difficulties with the child's behavior at YOUR place, then present them as that.

I DO believe it's important that we work with parents to properly address certain things but I don't necessarily believe that what goes on at home is always the root of the issues (or even have anything to do with) we have in care...kwim?

[cheerfuldom]

I wouldn't concern myself with what goes on at home.

If you are having issues or difficulties with the child's behavior at YOUR place, then present them as that.

I DO believe it's important that we work with parents to properly address certain things but I don't necessarily believe that what goes on at home is always the root of the issues (or even have anything to do with) we have in care...kwim?

I agree. Either you can handle this child or you need to let him go. The summer before kinder is a hard summer for every kid, especially those that are behind socially and with self help skills and cooperation, all important for kinder. I personally would never do all the hard work for 5 months just to get him finally in order and by then he is off to school, no thanks! you have A LOT of catching up to do which is the whole point of him being there. The parents obviously realize he needs something before kinder and that his behavior is lacking otherwise they wouldnt have enrolled him.

I would either term OR

make a behavior plan. Sit down with the parents and discuss what you are seeing and your plan to address those behaviors as well as what they can do at home to support you. Most schools will provide a kinder readiness list so you can work off of that and if you have info or print outs directly from the school, the parents can see that this is legit, not just you picking on them. I wouldnt worry about pointing fingers about what they do at home or have done in the past, thats not helpful at all. I would be clear about kinder expectations and what you will be implementing in order to get there. Its going to be a lot of work on your part but from the parents point of view, that is what they are paying you to do. If you wanted an easier kid, you shouldnt have taken one for temp care the summer before school....that time frame is exhausting for parents and providers!'

If you are more of a babysitting service and not a preschool or structured service, I would let him go. He doesnt need a babysitter, he needs prep for school and its possible that your home is not the right place for him. That would be the case for me. I dont provide curriculum or a super structured environment. My kids have gone off to kinder and done well, however these are kids that have been with me for a long time and learned many things over the years. I would not be able or willing to cram that all into one summer. I would suggest parents wanting kinder prep to research preK programs, structured preschools or daycare centers. I also dont do a no-nap service but many kids at that age right before kinder really dont need a nap and which case, this would not be the right program for them.

[TwinKristi]

Maybe you can just clue mom into his progress transitioning to group care and he's having a little bit of a hard time with someone else's rules and often says he "doesn't want to X, Y, Z..." and that it's something you'll be working on. It doesn't have to be a negative thing, just an observation you've made about his transition. In Kindergarten you don't always get the option to say "I don't want to..." so maybe let her know this is going to be a great challenge to overcome in preparing for school. Is he starting this Fall or next? Sometimes when you combine that age with a new setting, the whole "only child syndrome" and such it can be challenging. I watched a 3-4yr old who did that. He was the youngest of 4, both the older siblings were in 5-7th grade (so much older) and he always got his way. He always said "I don't want to..." but I just explained he doesn't get to choose at Miss Kristi's house.

[My3cents]

"Does your child get everything they want at home?"

4yr old boy, 2nd week here and nothing's changed. "I don't want to eat breakfast." "I don't want to play" "I don't want to take a nap" (that's the one I hear all day long!)

I suggest all sorts of things and every time "I don't want to _____." He's an only child, rarely around other kids, and only here to get ready for kindergarten. I'm assuming he gets his way at home, but don't know how to ask about it or address the issue with mom.

I wouldn't ask this..... if you have to guess at this I think you already answered your own question. It would come across as rude.

I instead would approach this child with ......

Kiddo- I don't want to eat!

Me- well this is what we do at this time. Say no more even the child rambles on

Kiddo- I don't want to play!

Me- well this is what we do at this time.

Kiddo- I don't want to take a nap.

Me- well this is what we do at this time.

Then if it it didn't stop. I would ask the parents for some ideas on what works at home. If they didn't come up with anything, then I would just rinse and repeat with the child until the child got tired of hearing me say the same answer. Non-negotiable At some point someone has to stand for authority. Child is not able to do this that is why the parents pay us to care for them. Part of caring for them is saying NO, or things they don't want to hear. Otherwise it would be grandiose chaos.

Good luck. These kids can ware us down quick. Grab the reigns and run with them. Most kids are pretty resilient and they know the difference between what is acceptable from place to place- Doesn't mean they are not going to try to push-

[My3cents]

I wouldn't concern myself with what goes on at home.

If you are having issues or difficulties with the child's behavior at YOUR place, then present them as that.

I DO believe it's important that we work with parents to properly address certain things but I don't necessarily believe that what goes on at home is always the root of the issues (or even have anything to do with) we have in care...kwim?

this also the angle I was coming from.

[DaisyMamma]

Maybe I'm mean but I shrug it off.
my response to dck: "Well that's too bad, that's what we're doing now" or "eating today" or for nap "that's what we do here."
If they say it again I say "I know, you already told me. Go play". I even tell them that's the rules, its not up to you, that sort of thing. They do eventually get the idea.

I don't usually address the problem with the parent. The parent isn't going to change what they do. They get offended that you're criticizing their parenting.

[Heidi]

Maybe I'm mean but I shrug it off.
my response to dck: "Well that's too bad, that's what we're doing now" or "eating today" or for nap "that's what we do here."
If they say it again I say "I know, you already told me. Go play". I even tell them that's the rules, its not up to you, that sort of thing. They do eventually get the idea.

I don't usually address the problem with the parent. The parent isn't going to change what they do. They get offended that you're criticizing their parenting.

Yeah...I'm more like this, too.

I don't want to eat...okay, fine, then you can sit with your friends while they eat.

I don't want to play..well, gee, sitting there doesn't look very fun, but I guess that's your choice!

I don't want to nap. Resting is not a choice here. You can lay quietly on your mat, or you can sleep THOSE are your choices.

I'm bored...Sounds like you have a problem to solve. Good luck with that!

[Evansmom]

I know it can be annoying to deal with a kid like this. My stock response to kids saying they don't want to do something, they don't like what we are doing etc. is to say "Oh." Very non-committal, very neutral. Just "Oh."
Example:
Kid: "I don't like to play blocks"
Me: "Oh."

Kid: "I don't like this lunch"
Me: "Oh."

Kid: "I don't like to go outside."
Me: "Oh."

Sometimes kids like this just want attention and so when they get no response from me after a while they just go play. Because I'm not giving them any feedback at all, it's not engaging at all for them and they go do something else.

[KiddieCahoots]

Maybe I'm mean but I shrug it off.
my response to dck: "Well that's too bad, that's what we're doing now" or "eating today" or for nap "that's what we do here."
If they say it again I say "I know, you already told me. Go play". I even tell them that's the rules, its not up to you, that sort of thing. They do eventually get the idea..

Ditto!
He'll eventually get the message.
I do like to address this to dcp's though, any help they can provide strengthens consistency.
Especially if their also sending him to you now to help him with inclusion before kindergarten starts, his whining that he doesn't want to do anything isn't going to help there.
Cheerfuldom mentioned kinder readiness list. I do this with the area kindergarten the child will be attending. I also give it to the dcp's as homework to be done with the child. This could help take the load off of you, where he has only until the fall to be ready.

[Christina72684]

My biggest struggle with this has been the fact that he cries and repeats it over and over and over, while shaking his hands in front of me almost like he's scared. Yesterday they were sitting down eating lunch and I had to start getting cots out for nap. As soon as I picked the first one up he immediately started crying, waving his hands, and said "I don't want to nap. I don't want to nap. I want Mommy. I don't want to nap." I replied, "It's not nap time yet, eat your lunch." He continued on doing this. I said, "You don't have to nap, but you have to lay on your cot and be quiet while your friends sleep." I don't know what else to say or do to stop him from crying and saying it over and over.