New Family Was Somewhat Untruthful...

[Unregistered]

I've just recently opened my daycare and just started my first family this week. They are part time, 2 days a week. The parents seemed great at the interview so we went ahead and decided to move forward. They have been great about getting all of the paperwork to us and have paid for their 2 week trial period and the 2 week deposit. I thought this was going to be a good thing.

Their son is 21 months. He seemed ok at the interview so I wasn't too worried about him starting. He had a terrible drop off the first day and was just generally weepy and clingy most of the day. He also had issues with hitting and pushing my 13 month DD and once pushed her so hard she fell over and hit her head really hard on the floor. Anyway, Mom said he came home much happier that day than he has from any other daycare he has been in (which I believe is 2). Ummm ok?

Anyway, day 2 was equally challenging and he just would not do anything. He followed me around and wanted to be held all day. I also should mention he constantly has a paci in his mouth and a little blanket he carries around even at home. He won't eat. So I start thinking something is just off with this kid and then I get his health statement in the mail today. Doctor says he has speech delay and developmental delay. The parents never mentioned anything about developmental issues. I texted mom throughout the day and told her some of my concerns and she mentions she is afraid we are not going to enroll him after the trial period. She comes to pick him up today and fesses up about his issues and tells me about all of these interventions that they have at home and how he needs constant comfort which is why he always has a paci and blanket even at home.

I don't feel like I can give this boy what he needs and I want to cry thinking about adding anymore children with him here because he is so so needy. I don't even feel like I had adequate time to take care of my own DD with him here. At the same time, this is our first family and I feel crazy for thinking about terming our only client so far. We have one more week of the trial period. What would you do?

[preschoolteacher]

She should have been honest with you. That is a huge red flag and a bad sign for how she will be to work with in the future. If you don't feel you can take care of him, don't do it. Maybe if you're unsure at the end of the trial, add another two week trial on top of it. 4 weeks is long enough to know if he will adjust.

[Cradle2crayons]

I've just recently opened my daycare and just started my first family this week. They are part time, 2 days a week. The parents seemed great at the interview so we went ahead and decided to move forward. They have been great about getting all of the paperwork to us and have paid for their 2 week trial period and the 2 week deposit. I thought this was going to be a good thing.

Their son is 21 months. He seemed ok at the interview so I wasn't too worried about him starting. He had a terrible drop off the first day and was just generally weepy and clingy most of the day. He also had issues with hitting and pushing my 13 month DD and once pushed her so hard she fell over and hit her head really hard on the floor. Anyway, Mom said he came home much happier that day than he has from any other daycare he has been in (which I believe is 2). Ummm ok?

Anyway, day 2 was equally challenging and he just would not do anything. He followed me around and wanted to be held all day. I also should mention he constantly has a paci in his mouth and a little blanket he carries around even at home. He won't eat. So I start thinking something is just off with this kid and then I get his health statement in the mail today. Doctor says he has speech delay and developmental delay. The parents never mentioned anything about developmental issues. I texted mom throughout the day and told her some of my concerns and she mentions she is afraid we are not going to enroll him after the trial period. She comes to pick him up today and fesses up about his issues and tells me about all of these interventions that they have at home and how he needs constant comfort which is why he always has a paci and blanket even at home.

I don't feel like I can give this boy what he needs and I want to cry thinking about adding anymore children with him here because he is so so needy. I don't even feel like I had adequate time to take care of my own DD with him here. At the same time, this is our first family and I feel crazy for thinking about terming our only client so far. We have one more week of the trial period. What would you do?

Remember it's not about what's best for DCM... It's about what's best for him, your program, and the other children.

I would document your concerns as well as conversations with mom. And I'd continue to document every day.

I would finish the trial period and then make a choice as to what's best for YOUR Program and other children involved.

It doesn't mean youa rent giving it your best shot. But in the end, it may not continue after the trial period.

Either way, after he two weeks, if your deposit isn't refundable, then you don't refund and send them on their way. Don't let guilt get a hold of you because there isn't any reason. Mom knew there were issues and the dishonesty alone is reason to not continue it after the trial period.

Sounds like you did and are doing everything right.

[cheerfuldom]

Remember it's not about what's best for DCM... It's about what's best for him, your program, and the other children.

I would document your concerns as well as conversations with mom. And I'd continue to document every day.

I would finish the trial period and then make a choice as to what's best for YOUR Program and other children involved.

It doesn't mean youa rent giving it your best shot. But in the end, it may not continue after the trial period.

Either way, after he two weeks, if your deposit isn't refundable, then you don't refund and send them on their way. Don't let guilt get a hold of you because there isn't any reason. Mom knew there were issues and the dishonesty alone is reason to not continue it after the trial period.

Sounds like you did and are doing everything right.

exactly!

You began a working relationship under false pretenses. The parents did not give you the chance to make an informed choice. You already know that this child is not a good fit and nothing is going to change anytime soon. If he is getting evaluated and treatment/therapy, even that does not mean there will be any changes in his behavior anytime soon or at all. If you are not set up to deal with special needs kids, it is best for HIM that you let the family go. It is THEIR responsibility to find appropriate care for their son and hiring a provider who is not aware of his needs is a big mistake on their part. I understand you are blindsided by this but unfortunately, it is VERY common for parents of special needs kids to lie at interviews to get their child into daycare. I had this happen to me. When the child came, I was so shock to see him clearly and obviously with mental handicaps and unable to handle group care at all. It was really bad. And I know the mom was well aware because I then saw her ads looking for a new provider and in those, she was specific about his diagnosis and needs, things she never shared with me at all. It is my understanding she had been through several daycares so I guess she finally learned her lesson and started being upfront about his needs.

I would term immediately. I would not allow an aggressive child into daycare, and then add on that the lying and the future challenges with the special needs that you are unable to met, its too much to overcome.

[Daycaregranny]

I guess you first have to decide what works for YOU, YOUR FAMILY and YOUR PROGRAM. With that being said I feel for this family. The poor kid at under two has already been pushed around to several different providers, that is so sad. As far as his clingy crying behavior? I feel it's typical. I have had SEVERAL children start this way. In the end they all worked out and are wonderful additions to our daycare family. Yea it ****ed in the beginning but it did work itself out. As far as him pushing your child down, it happens. I really wouldn't call it aggressive behavior though more like a scared 2 year old. Then there is his delay and the family not being honest. I have had 2 children with delayed disorders and they not only worked out great but were really good teaching the other children about differences. I would have a real heart to heart with the parents. I would let them know that childcare HAS to be a two way street of trust. That they HAVE to be honest with you from here on out or you will have to term. Do what you feel is right and then let go.

[Naptime yet?]

You also have to factor in he's only with you 2 days a week. It can go both ways: you & dcps can follow the same routine & have consistency & maybe he'll improve OR can you deal with his behavior & clinginess for those 2 days or will you be dreading his arrival?

[Heidi]

Personally, I would be more upset about mom's lack of honesty than about his issues.

He's actually coming into your group at the perfect time. Only 2 children to care for means you have more time to get to know him.

BUT

1. I would never enroll a super-clingy, high-needs 2 year old for 2 days a week. He would have to be full-time here, at least for the first month or so. Increasing the days he's there will be harder on you, but make it so much easier for him, thus on you in the long run.

If mom doesn't work on those other days, maybe you two can meet at a playground or somewhere else for a play date? He needs to get to know you.

2. I would not allow the paci/blanket dragging. They go in the bed and stay their until nap time. Personally, even taking into account his delays, I think they indulge the whining/clinging behavior instead of helping. If they truly comforted him, he wouldn't be crying and whining with them in his possession.

3. He needs time. Lots of comfort when you can, "I'm right here" when you can't. If your daughter needs something, and he's following you or clinging, set him down next to you with a toy and say "It's x's turn for hugs" or something like that. Put him in a highchair, right by you, while you make meals. Sing to him, talk to him, reassure him.

I once had a little guy who moved from Puerto Rico to my town, had been with his GMA there for 3 months, and hadn't seen his mother in that time. He arrived on a Tuesday and started in my dc on a Wednesday. He spoke no English. He followed me around whining for FOUR weeks, and then one day, he was fine.

4. Just keep offering food at meal times, and let it go. You can ask mom what his favorites are, or even offer some fruit snacks or such at a snack. I honestly believe that once a child takes food from you, they are getting comfortable with you.

He will stop hitting and pushing once he can communicate (at least most kids will). Help him get comfortable, model using his words, learn (if you don't know) and teach him a few signs.

[KiddieCahoots]

Idk....The dcm not being honest in the first place is a bad sign, especially if he has been to two other places so far.
Considering he is in the "honey moon" state now, makes me wonder what will come next.
Two days a week is tough to work out kinks.
If you do decide to continue working with him I'd at least extend the trial period.