The Not So Potty Trained Child….

[Crazy8]

how can I get a child to tell me when he has to go potty???? He has been "trained" for about a month or two now and will go when I take him and USUALLY holds it any time inbetween but every once in a while he will have an accident and its often less than an hour after I had already taken him. Even if he has an accident and has soaked his pants he won't tell me he did until I notice it. Parents say he tells them at home and I believe them because they are as baffled as I am.

what can I do to get him to tell me?? He has no problems telling me every time someone touches him or takes a toy from him or anything else… how do I get him to tell me when he has to go potty??

[Cradle2crayons]

how can I get a child to tell me when he has to go potty???? He has been "trained" for about a month or two now and will go when I take him and USUALLY holds it any time inbetween but every once in a while he will have an accident and its often less than an hour after I had already taken him. Even if he has an accident and has soaked his pants he won't tell me he did until I notice it. Parents say he tells them at home and I believe them because they are as baffled as I am.

what can I do to get him to tell me?? He has no problems telling me every time someone touches him or takes a toy from him or anything else… how do I get him to tell me when he has to go potty??

I don't consider a child potty trained if they can't tell me... Nor do I allow children in undies that can't tell me before they have to go. Nor do I "take" children to the bathroom.
How old is his child?

[daycare]

can I ask what your policy is on PT?

for example I don't allow underwear until the child has been accident free for a full 2 weeks and is capable of telling me verbally that they have to go to the bathroom. Once they have mastered this along with the other necessary prior steps I allow underwear and deem them PTed

[jenboo]

Back in diapers. You can't make a child tell you.

[Cradle2crayons]

can I ask what your policy is on PT?

for example I don't allow underwear until the child has been accident free for a full 2 weeks and is capable of telling me verbally that they have to go to the bathroom. Once they have mastered this along with the other necessary prior steps I allow underwear and deem them PTed

exactly... One of the first step in my PT policy requires they have to be able to verbalize their need to potty..

[GKJNIGMN]

Some kids are just like that. I know because my ds who will be 4 next month was one of them when he was in daycare.

His provider suggested getting a speech evaluation which baffled me until we saw her outside of daycare one night and he was talking. Turns out he had never spoken to an adult at her home at all. He would tell his sister that he had to go to the bathroom by taking her hand so she could bring him but nobody else so when my dd wasn't there with him he would just pee his pants if nobody took him.

He did grow out of it of course and he isn't a shy child by any means. He had been with the same provider since he was a year old and started daycare.

I would suggest just putting the child back in diapers at your house. My own son didn't regress in his potty training at home because he wore diapers at daycare and eventually it stopped.

[NoMoreJuice!]

I have one too!

I have one of those exact kids! 2.5 year old girl, sweet as pie, but refuses to tell me when she needs to go! No amount of stickers or reminders could possibly change her mind. Her mom says she's just stubborn, maybe that's it? I think she knows when she needs to go and she knows when it happens in her pull-up, but just won't communicate with me.

Let me know when you discover the secret!!

[CraftyMom]

This child is not potty trained by my definition

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Just like you can't force a child to be obedient 24/7, you aren't going to be able to force a child to vocalize when they need to go. Wish we could!

[Unregistered]

This was my son.... so what we did at home was role play. How are you going to tell your teacher you need to go potty? I would pretend I was my son and my husband was the teacher. It was so funny to him. I would exaggerate and in my loudest voice I say "teacher potty" I would even pull my husbands pants to show him it was urgent. My husband would pretend to be a little busy, so I really had to work on getting his attention. We practiced for a week. We kept it humorous but serious. One time in the role playing my son pulled my husbands pants down by accident. It was funny. After the week he started telling his teacher.
Suggest to mom to role play at home. Role playing has really helped us with other things as well.

[MissKrys]

I agree with others above, I don't consider a child potty trained unless they are able to communicate that they need to use the bathroom. Doesn't have to be a full sentence, a single word will do. That's part of the child learning to recognize their body's signal of needing to use the bathroom.

I kinda roll my eyes when a parent says they had their child potty trained by 10 months or some other impressive year. Constantly asking your child if they need to go potty, or setting them on the toilet yourself and waiting for them to go is not being potty trained in my eyes.

It doesn't matter the age, they'll get there when they're ready.

[Play Care]

I LOVE the idea of having mom and dad role play with the child.
But I do think that until he is consistently using the toilet he needs to be in a pull up. While I'm not usually a fan of pull-ups, I think in this case may be more appropriate. It sounds as if he does use the potty and this would make that easier while keeping any accidents contained.

[Crazy8]

I HATE the idea of going back to diapers with this one, I don't want to screw up what he's already accomplished. He just turned 3. He communicates just fine with everything else, even if I'm in the kitchen doing something he is quick to call out "Miss ****, so and so is bothering me" or "is it lunch time or can I have a drink?" or anything else but he just WON'T tell me this!!! Its so frustrating. I have any/all potty trained kids go to the bathroom 3 times a day, before outside time in the morning, before nap and after nap. Anything else they have to tell me but I also don't want someone running every 5 min. so having those 3 structured times helps with our schedule. The thing is 90% of the time he goes those 3 times and that's it. But like I said a few times we've had accidents between those times and its always been at a time he could have told me (not like we are at the park or anything and he has no options).

I really think its a bit of stubborness after this morning... Today I told him we would only go to the park if he TELLS me when he has to go potty. I didn't bring him at the usual 9:30ish time - he's the only one potty trained here today so no other kids were going. Well, its 11:30 and he STILL has not told me he has to go so he's got to be holding it like crazy at this point. I've even point blank asked him if he has to go and he says no. I know if I took him he would go but I'm not taking him. I have a pull up on him just in case but he hasn't wet it and hasn't asked to go. Stubborn??

The thing that baffles me is he goes at home no problem (I know they aren't lying, have talked to grandpa and even know their neighbors that he plays with) so I am not sure the role playing would work. We've talked about what to do if he has to go and I'm not in the room, etc.

[Blackcat31]

I HATE the idea of going back to diapers with this one, I don't want to screw up what he's already accomplished. He just turned 3. He communicates just fine with everything else, even if I'm in the kitchen doing something he is quick to call out "Miss ****, so and so is bothering me" or "is it lunch time or can I have a drink?" or anything else but he just WON'T tell me this!!! Its so frustrating. I have any/all potty trained kids go to the bathroom 3 times a day, before outside time in the morning, before nap and after nap. Anything else they have to tell me but I also don't want someone running every 5 min. so having those 3 structured times helps with our schedule. The thing is 90% of the time he goes those 3 times and that's it. But like I said a few times we've had accidents between those times and its always been at a time he could have told me (not like we are at the park or anything and he has no options).

I really think its a bit of stubborness after this morning... Today I told him we would only go to the park if he TELLS me when he has to go potty. I didn't bring him at the usual 9:30ish time - he's the only one potty trained here today so no other kids were going. Well, its 11:30 and he STILL has not told me he has to go so he's got to be holding it like crazy at this point. I've even point blank asked him if he has to go and he says no. I know if I took him he would go but I'm not taking him. I have a pull up on him just in case but he hasn't wet it and hasn't asked to go. Stubborn??

The thing that baffles me is he goes at home no problem (I know they aren't lying, have talked to grandpa and even know their neighbors that he plays with) so I am not sure the role playing would work. We've talked about what to do if he has to go and I'm not in the room, etc.

That's where I think you may be wrong.... HE hasn't accomplished anything.

He hasn't accomplished anything other than holding it. That doesn't cut it for being "trained" kwim?

I have a 4 yr old that has accidents and won't tell me that they did. If I ask, they say no. (Whether they are actually wet or not) but yet the child will go potty every single time I bring them to the bathroom.

It's strange but I looked at it from a different perspective and realized that just because the child will go to the bathroom, the simple fact that they won't or don't communicate the need before OR after, that the child is simply not trained. Even though we though they were for the 6+ months or so... *sigh*

I think if you stopped saying anything at all about using the toilet, and just observed his behavior, you'd probably see that he is not at all trained.

Maybe print out the list NannyDe has in her toilet training letter and check off the things he does and doesn't do. That should give you a clearer picture of what side (trained or not trained) he is on.

[Blackcat31]

Oh and I don't think his parents are out right lying, but I'll bet you anything that the environment at home and the way the parents treat him is so different than your house that he may be more successful at home but that doesn't mean he is trained...it just means the parents are better at adjusting the day FOR him rather than teaching him to fit into a group...kwim?

My kid has parents that micro-manage so much and so deeply that they know the child needs to go to the bathroom before the child does.