Please Help! How Do I Term This Family? :(

[DuchessRavenwaves]

Hello! I am new here, and I need some help formulating a termination letter/message for a family. That's the short version.

I opened my tiny daycare about 6 months ago. I currently have two families with two children each, so 4 kids total. One family (Jones) has been with me from the beginning. It's not working out. The other family (Smith) started more recently, and it's been awesome.

I have been friends with the Jones family for a long time. Not super close, but friends. Having their kids at my place has been a significant savings for them, and I think they were also kind of trying to do me a favor by bringing their kids to me. It's not working out.

These are the issues.

1. Neither Jones child is getting what they need here, and I don't believe either Jones child is really happy here (although they say they are).
2. Neither Jones child is a good "fit" for me or the way I run my childcare. As much as I dislike large, school-like daycare centers for small kids, I really think that's where these ones need to be: separated from each other, in bigger groups, with a whole lot more structure than I can provide.
3. There are some personality/behavior issues that are...unpleasant. Attempts to curb/change these behaviors have been fruitless.
4. Said behaviors cause a lot of stress on my husband. (He doesn't help me with the kids, but we have a small house and he is sometimes home while they are here.)
5. I just don't want them here. I feel like a horrible, awful person for saying that, but I dread their arrival in the morning.

I have been turning this over in my head for three months, and it's time to do it. I have to term these kids. I need the money, and yeah, it might be better to wait until i have new kids lined up, but I just can't do this anymore.

Here's where I need help. How do I term these kids? What do I say? I don't want to totally alienate their parents. I really don't want to say what I'm thinking: "Your kids are great, but they're driving me nuts and I don't really like them and no one is happy and GET THEM OUT OF HERE."

Please help! I don't know what to say. Should I give them a time limit, (i.e., I will continue to care for them until May XX, 2014) or just ask them to find another child care place and let me know when they find one?

Ugh, this ****s. It would probably help considerably if I had a contract/policies and procedures/handbook kind of thing going. I know, I know--I learned my lesson, and never again will I take on a kid/family without a signed agreement that covers these kind of things. ...sigh.

[Lucy]

I think you just muster up the courage, and figure out a way to explain numbers 1, 2, and 3 to them. (4&5, not so much ). If it hurts your sort-of friendship, then so be it. If it's best for you and for the kids, it must be done.

[Brustkt]

Just be honest and tell them that you don't feel it is a good fit and you don't want you providing care for them to eventually hurt your friendship. It ****s, but it is for the best. Good luck!:hug:

[cheerfuldom]

This is why you shouldnt mix friends and business. You have to prioritize now and pick business over friends. Be polite but firm and dont make decisions based on trying to keep the friendship. More than likely, this will ruin the friendship so just be prepared for that. I would give a two weeks notice tomorrow meaning they have next week and the following week to get another daycare arrangement and after that, you wont provide care whether they have a backup plan or not. If they find something quicker, I would let them leave and not charge anything for that. At this point, you just want these kids gone. You will find other kids so dont worry about that, but start advertising now!

[TickleMonster]

I agree with everyone else. Keep it brief and honest. Start out on a positive note such as saying "You guys are great friends and I appreciate you bringing your kids to me to help me get my business up and running but....." then politely insert your reasons for having to term. Then end on another positive note by saying you hope it doesnt hurt the friendship but this is business. If you feel up to it, you can give them 2 weeks notice to give them time to find another provider but be prepared for them to drop you immediately. I have had many clients tell me that they like my style of handling difficult situations with the positive, negative, positive statements because it makes me sound professional yet gentle. worth a try! good luck!

[MarinaVanessa]

The termination letter can be a simple generic letter.

Dear Jones Family,
This letter is to serve as your two-weeks notice of termination. You children _____ and ____ 's last day of attendance will be DATE.

Thank you.
Provider


That's all you really need to say in the letter. You can explain in person that you can't meet their needs so you think it's best for everyone to change the arrangement.

[coolconfidentme]

Will it be a blindside or does the DCM notice the same things?

[Blackcat31]

The termination letter can be a simple generic letter.

Dear Jones Family,
This letter is to serve as your two-weeks notice of termination. You children _____ and ____ 's last day of attendance will be DATE.

Thank you.
Provider


That's all you really need to say in the letter. You can explain in person that you can't meet their needs so you think it's best for everyone to change the arrangement.

The less you say in a letter the better IMHO.

If you need to further explain, then do so AFTER you've broken the news to them that they are being termed.

You could add "If you have any questions, please call (or e-mail) me later" at the end of the letter. That way the hard part is done and the phone call or e-mail later will be a bit easier.

I also would not give specific reasons for terming them UNLESS you feel that knowing that info will honestly help them in the future.

[AmyLeigh]

"Dcm, I have been observing the children and have noticed that their needs have been changing over the last few months. Unfortunately, I can not accommodate their current needs, no matter how much I would like to. I feel that they may do better elsewhere that can provide a more structured environment, more playmates, etc. I hate to end our business relationship, but feel it's in the best interest of the children that we do. I value our friendship very much and hope that there are no bad feelings on your end, as there aren't any on mine."

[Unregistered]

I am going to give them three weeks notice so they can have plenty of time, should they need it. If they don't need the full 3 weeks, or are offended and yank their kids faster, so be it.

I hear you all on the short and to the point letter. I feel like it will be even more of a shock that way, though, with no information at all!

Will it be a blindside or does the DCM notice the same things?

Gosh. The short answer is I don't know. They aren't the oblivious kind of parents. I'm sure if they have thought about it for even 1/2 a second they must know it's not a great fit for their kids' personalities, but I really don't know. *shrug*

A few weeks ago I gave them two weeks notice that I'd be closed for one day (something came up, out of my control), and they were displeased at having two weeks to figure something out for one day. My feeling is that they aren't thrilled with this whole arrangemen., but I have no solid evidence to base that on. My fee is 50% or less of what they were paying before, when their kids were at a center (I really don't charge them enough), so I think they've kinda been ****ing it up because they probably know that no one else will take their kids for this cheap.

They also seem to think I am a Nanny who works out of her own home, where I see myself as more of a small business owner, with them as clients. They seem to see themselves as the boss/es; I see myself as my own boss. They see their lack of a back up plan (should I get sick, be closed one day, etc.) as my problem; I very much do not. That's an issue we could resolve, but it isn't worth it because man, get your damn kids out of my house. I am dreading the potential for a strong negative reaction, but I am so looking forward to just pulling the trigger.

[DuchessRavenwaves]

Whoops! Sorry. ^^That was me.

[MissKrys]

They also seem to think I am a Nanny who works out of her own home, where I see myself as more of a small business owner, with them as clients. They seem to see themselves as the boss/es; I see myself as my own boss.

Parents need to know that child care is not about the bottom dollar, so while you are an affordable option, that doesn't necessarily mean it's the best option for the family. You ARE the boss, you can choose who your clients. And it sounds like you're not one to take the guilt trip, so that's great!

While I agree short and to the point is best, I usually feel some sort of reason or explanation is owed. If I was the parent, I'd want to know. It doesn't have to be something specific, I think the line about 'the children's needs over the past few months are not being met' while in your care is pretty good. You can get more specific as to why, but that should be enough.

[Blackcat31]

Parents need to know that child care is not about the bottom dollar, so while you are an affordable option, that doesn't necessarily mean it's the best option for the family. You ARE the boss, you can choose who your clients. And it sounds like you're not one to take the guilt trip, so that's great!

While I agree short and to the point is best, I usually feel some sort of reason or explanation is owed. If I was the parent, I'd want to know. It doesn't have to be something specific, I think the line about 'the children's needs over the past few months are not being met' while in your care is pretty good. You can get more specific as to why, but that should be enough.

YES!!! This is the FIRST thing I address during interviews.

"I am a small business owner who gets to decide what services I will and won't offer.

As a client YOU get to decide if my policies/rules are something you can abide by. If not, do NOT sign on with me."

It's that simple.

[MarinaVanessa]

The short letter is IMO the better way to go because you don't want to put something in writing in the letter that can be portrayed as if you can't do your job and then have that used against you somehow. Make the letter short and sweet and to the point.

Terminations should always be done face to face anyway. I would hand her the notice and then explain what it is. Of you want to give details about why you are terming do it verbally, not in writing. "Here you go Susan, this is a 3 week notice. Lately there have been behavioral challenges and I believe that to be because I cannot offer you children the structure that they need. I think they will benefit more from a program that has more structure like a daycare center, you can sometimes find that in a daycare home also buy because I do not offer that I think its in everyone's best interest to change the child care arrangement. I'm giving you an additional week of notice so that you have 3 weeks to find child care. If you find something sooner just let me know and I will release you from your contract early. I just want you children to be happy and I just can't accommodate their needs here"

[DuchessRavenwaves]

....I did it. I wrote something up giving them two weeks notice (then rewrote it, and rewrote it again) and had three intelligent, level headed, sensible people look it over and approve it.

One DCP did not respond. The other did, and flipped out. S/he's acting like I shot his/her dog and says the kids won't be back at all. Well, that ****s. I know that I did the right thing for those kids, myself, my business and my family, and that's really all I can do. It's still not any fun, though.

Thank you all, honestly, for all your help and advice! It was absolutely invaluable. Thank you, thank you, thank you.