Own children jealous - advice please?

[Unregistered]

Hi

Really after some advice ...

I have 2 school age children (9) started up daycare at a venue other than home (Australia) 2 months ago. up to now I've always been a sahm but previous daycare provider in town quit so I offered to do seeing as I'm studying childcare & didn't want to see town without a daycare.

anyway the behaviour of my own children has been steadily getting worse, most days I ring DH & he has to leave work to collect children. This afternoon by far the worst ... My children literally terrorising the dcks ring DH to collect but dcm shows up before he gets there dcb spies mum and literally screams like he's being murdered mum is not happy (understandably) then informs me her kids are screaming at the thought of coming to daycare :'(

I'm at a loss as how to make this better ... Thoughts?

The dcks are 1 & 3 girl/boy.

Thanks for reading.

[cheerfuldom]

There is a transition with starting daycare and there is no guarantee that the little ones would want to go to daycare even if the big kids were gone. It is very common for kids to cry about daycare.

That said, what is going on here? Are your schoolagers not in school most of the day? How long are these kids around each other? What is your daycare setup like.....do you have adequate space and activities to keep all of them happily occupied?

[CraftyMom]

It was a huge transition for my own SA kids when I first started. They are MUCH better now.

Just a few tips for their jealousy:

Make sure you are spending quality time with them outside of daycare

Don't talk a lot about daycare once it's over for the day (not easy)

Make sure to set strict limits for them of what they can and can't do during daycare.

Explain to them, "this is what will happen during daycare... It doesn't mean I don't love you or that I like the dck's more than you. It is my job now. We will spend time together when the kids leave."

It's not easy for our own kids to share EVERYTHING, including their house and their mom.

Most kids have jealousy when their parents are spending time with other kids, kissing their boo-boos, singing them songs, playing with them. My daughter used to ask me why I like the dck's more than I like her. Of course it wasn't true, but I spent a TON of time with the dck's and had to look at it from my kids' point of view

If they can't follow the rules they need to go in their room and play, I had to do this with my kids for a month or two.

They will get better, they just need to feel like the dck's aren't more important than they are

As for the kids not wanting to come to daycare, most kids would prefer to be home! With their own stuff and their own parents and not have to get up and get dressed and leave everyday. Assure the parents it is a normal phase and they will get past it.

Again, if your kids aren't following the rules or aren't being nice to the dck's make sure there are consequences for their behavior. If they can't be around the dck's and behave then they go play in their room

[Heidi]

Ok...so your NINE year olds are terrorizing a 1 and a 3 year old?

I don't mean to pick on you, but it sounds like a discipline issue, not a jealousy issue (although jealousy may be the motivator).

Is there a separate room for your school agers? I would make that happen. A room with some games, a table to work at, some art supplies, a place to do homework, etc. As long as they are sweet, they can spend time with the littles. Otherwise, if it's too much for them, they can go in "their" room. "Hey, I see that you are getting frustrated with dcb messing with your building. Why not take those blocks in YOUR area for a while, so they can't reach you?"

Then, I would make it darn clear that they MUST treat the daycare children kindly. Any, and I mean ANY meanness gets them a TO. I would NOT let you husband come pick them up. First of all, he probably needs to be at work. Second, they are being rewarded for bad behavior with Daddy time.

Good behavior equals rewards. Helping you (give them chores at the daycare) gets rewards. Being good helpers, doing their homework, being kind to the kids equals a movie night after work on Friday, or a dinner out, or a trip to the park with Dad 1:1. Don't threaten them with taking it away, though. Just sit them down, empathize that it's a big change and it's hard, and tell them how it's going to be. Then, tell them ahead of time when THEIR time will be. Saturday morning, you can all make breakfast together, maybe?

It's okay that they feel jealous. It's NOT okay that they make your life and the dck's life miserable because of it.

[MotherNature]

Ok...so your NINE year olds are terrorizing a 1 and a 3 year old?

I don't mean to pick on you, but it sounds like a discipline issue, not a jealousy issue (although jealousy may be the motivator).

Is there a separate room for your school agers? I would make that happen. A room with some games, a table to work at, some art supplies, a place to do homework, etc. As long as they are sweet, they can spend time with the littles. Otherwise, if it's too much for them, they can go in "their" room. "Hey, I see that you are getting frustrated with dcb messing with your building. Why not take those blocks in YOUR area for a while, so they can't reach you?"

Then, I would make it darn clear that they MUST treat the daycare children kindly. Any, and I mean ANY meanness gets them a TO. I would NOT let you husband come pick them up. First of all, he probably needs to be at work. Second, they are being rewarded for bad behavior with Daddy time.

Good behavior equals rewards. Helping you (give them chores at the daycare) gets rewards. Being good helpers, doing their homework, being kind to the kids equals a movie night after work on Friday, or a dinner out, or a trip to the park with Dad 1:1. Don't threaten them with taking it away, though. Just sit them down, empathize that it's a big change and it's hard, and tell them how it's going to be. Then, tell them ahead of time when THEIR time will be. Saturday morning, you can all make breakfast together, maybe?

It's okay that they feel jealous. It's NOT okay that they make your life and the dck's life miserable because of it.

Couldn't have said it better.