Say It, or **** It Up...Part 2

[KiddieCahoots]

Ok, this is less serious, but annoying just the same!
What do you do to handle the dcp's that try to pull the wool over your eyes, like you just fell off the turnip truck?

*Please keep in mind while reading the example, these dcp's have the humor of a slug, and dcb is that problem child!
Example; dcd brings dcb every day to child care. One morning dcd discusses how he heard dcb didn't have such a good day the day before. (It was a Nightmare!) You say.... Yes, I can usually see what kind of a day we will have with dcb by the first few moments of arrival. Every day after that dcd and dcb arrive like their sharing a hysterical joke together. The problem.....the more (silly) morning hype I see, the more the day is a fiasco with dcb....I'm onto them!

Or....

The dcp's that think they know it all, will ask you a child related question, just to cut you off mid stream of your answer, to inform you of what they've read, and even throw in something you, yourself have informed them of in the past, to try and pass off as their own knowledge.

Do you let them know your onto them, or let it slide?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Ok, this is less serious, but annoying just the same!
What do you do to handle the dcp's that try to pull the wool over your eyes, like you just fell off the turnip truck?

*Please keep in mind while reading the example, these dcp's have the humor of a slug, and dcb is that problem child!
Example; dcd brings dcb every day to child care. One morning dcd discusses how he heard dcb didn't have such a good day the day before. (It was a Nightmare!) You say.... Yes, I can usually see what kind of a day we will have with dcb by the first few moments of arrival. Every day after that dcd and dcb arrive like their sharing a hysterical joke together. The problem.....the more (silly) morning hype I see, the more the day is a fiasco with dcb....I'm onto them!

Or....

The dcp's that think they know it all, will ask you a child related question, just to cut you off mid stream of your answer, to inform you of what they've read, and even throw in something you, yourself have informed them of in the past, to try and pass off as their own knowledge.

Do you let them know your onto them, or let it slide?

Lately I am calling it like I see it. If it bugs you make a statement if it will help you deal with the oddness. ::

[Leigh]

I would try to see the positive side of this, and assume that rather being passive-aggressive (which is entirely possible!), the dad is just trying to help his son have a rare good day. It may or may not be the case, but it might help YOU deal with it!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I would try to see the positive side of this, and assume that rather being passive-aggressive (which is entirely possible!), the dad is just trying to help his son have a rare good day. It may or may not be the case, but it might help YOU deal with it!

I might assume that, too! Good point. If he is trying to put him in a good mood before leaving him then he might be!

[cheerfuldom]

Ok, this is less serious, but annoying just the same!
What do you do to handle the dcp's that try to pull the wool over your eyes, like you just fell off the turnip truck?

*Please keep in mind while reading the example, these dcp's have the humor of a slug, and dcb is that problem child!
Example; dcd brings dcb every day to child care. One morning dcd discusses how he heard dcb didn't have such a good day the day before. (It was a Nightmare!) You say.... Yes, I can usually see what kind of a day we will have with dcb by the first few moments of arrival. Every day after that dcd and dcb arrive like their sharing a hysterical joke together. The problem.....the more (silly) morning hype I see, the more the day is a fiasco with dcb....I'm onto them!

Or....

The dcp's that think they know it all, will ask you a child related question, just to cut you off mid stream of your answer, to inform you of what they've read, and even throw in something you, yourself have informed them of in the past, to try and pass off as their own knowledge.

Do you let them know your onto them, or let it slide?

Pick your battles. Neither of these are worth the trouble. I would ignore the dad in the first scenario. He may be doing this on purpose but I would think it is with good intention. With the second mom, sounds like she is looking for an audience, not a conversation. I would just go about my business and let her talk. Who cares where she got the info? At least she is thinking about it and hopefully, applying the good stuff! If she expects a response I would say "Yes, I remember we just had a discussion about XYZ and I am glad you are researching that!"

[Second Home]

I too think you have to pick your battles . But if it is driving you nuts then maybe say something .No sense letting it build up .

[KiddieCahoots]

Thanks everybody for your insight.

The thing is, I'm new to the sight, but pretty much most of the post I've made are this particular family. Dcp's are a tag team against me, with the way dcd will text dcm about what happened during drop off, and if dcm doesn't like what she's read, I'll get challenged by her during pick up. It's not the normal child care complaints though, late pick up, non payment, or anything like that, they're fantastic on all those topics....It's their reluctance to work with me, their condescending/pompous attitude, and confrontational behavior, definitely passive/aggressive.
Dcm has been the worst, will challenge me on my discipline policy constantly,(and dcb2 is a tyrant that runs the household) to the point that I've had to make her sign and date my hb for proof that she has in fact read it all. I believe she should just quite her job, because what she wants me to do is not realistic in a group setting, and I tell her this. Yet at the same time, I've been told by their family members how much they are terrified I'll terminate. So....they must know what they do, and how they behave towards me to be terrified I may terminate.....right?
I've helped these first time parents countless times to recognize many serious health issues with their child, called in proper family services, etc....yet they seem to be in denial with it all, it's weird. When the family service worker came to the child care, I developed a great working relationship with her and found out dcm tried to talk bad about me to the worker about my discipline policies. This however totally back fired on her, cause now that this worker has met me and has seen how I run my child care, she now is on my wait list, !
These dcp's have openly made fun of and laughed at my news letters, when the topic was to specifically help them with their child.
They have kept important topics of interest in regards to proper care of their chid secret from me, like take the child off an important, much needed medication, and not inform me until 2 weeks after they questioned me on how I thought the child was doing. When I was the one who detected the medical issue with dcb in the first place!
Dcm is a teacher, and will read up on everything in regards to her child and child development, then try to throw the logic terms at me in discussion to question if I know what it means.
Dcm will see my posted curriculum and tell me what I should do instead, she does not have a degree in Early Education, but you'd think she did with the way she tellls me how I sould do it. And it's not to be nice or helpful, my own kids will just stare at her with their mouths hanging open.
After every incident, and I mean EVERY, dcm will come back acting so sweet is sickening! Until the next time!
I could go on and on.... And I know I should just be rid of them, but these people are supposed to be prior friends of the family.
One thing that seems to help, I limit conversation with them now, keep working with the other kids, or simply leave the room.
But as soon as I forget and open the door of conversation, they painfully remind me of our non existing working relationship.
What seems to be the problem here???

[cheerfuldom]

YOU are not the problem. THEY are. It is not your job to try and figure out all these issues. I would term, especially since you have a waiting list. There is no reason to put up with this anymore. I would give them the notice and let them know "There are a number of things that make me feel that you are not happy with my care. I get the feeling that you do not trust my decisions within the daycare and with Aiden and for that reason, i would rather end this relationship and give you the chance to find a daycare provider you are happy with"

Seriously, WHY WHY WHY are you putting up with these people when you have a waiting list? Rip off the bandaid and just get rid of them already!

[Blackcat31]

Thanks everybody for your insight.

The thing is, I'm new to the sight, but pretty much most of the post I've made are this particular family. Dcp's are a tag team against me, with the way dcd will text dcm about what happened during drop off, and if dcm doesn't like what she's read, I'll get challenged by her during pick up. It's not the normal child care complaints though, late pick up, non payment, or anything like that, they're fantastic on all those topics....It's their reluctance to work with me, their condescending/pompous attitude, and confrontational behavior, definitely passive/aggressive.
Dcm has been the worst, will challenge me on my discipline policy constantly,(and dcb2 is a tyrant that runs the household) to the point that I've had to make her sign and date my hb for proof that she has in fact read it all. I believe she should just quite her job, because what she wants me to do is not realistic in a group setting, and I tell her this. Yet at the same time, I've been told by their family members how much they are terrified I'll terminate. So....they must know what they do, and how they behave towards me to be terrified I may terminate.....right?
I've helped these first time parents countless times to recognize many serious health issues with their child, called in proper family services, etc....yet they seem to be in denial with it all, it's weird. When the family service worker came to the child care, I developed a great working relationship with her and found out dcm tried to talk bad about me to the worker about my discipline policies. This however totally back fired on her, cause now that this worker has met me and has seen how I run my child care, she now is on my wait list, !
These dcp's have openly made fun of and laughed at my news letters, when the topic was to specifically help them with their child.
They have kept important topics of interest in regards to proper care of their chid secret from me, like take the child off an important, much needed medication, and not inform me until 2 weeks after they questioned me on how I thought the child was doing. When I was the one who detected the medical issue with dcb in the first place!
Dcm is a teacher, and will read up on everything in regards to her child and child development, then try to throw the logic terms at me in discussion to question if I know what it means.
Dcm will see my posted curriculum and tell me what I should do instead, she does not have a degree in Early Education, but you'd think she did with the way she tellls me how I sould do it. And it's not to be nice or helpful, my own kids will just stare at her with their mouths hanging open.
After every incident, and I mean EVERY, dcm will come back acting so sweet is sickening! Until the next time!
I could go on and on.... And I know I should just be rid of them, but these people are supposed to be prior friends of the family.
One thing that seems to help, I limit conversation with them now, keep working with the other kids, or simply leave the room.
But as soon as I forget and open the door of conversation, they painfully remind me of our non existing working relationship.
What seems to be the problem here???

Please know that I mean this in the most helpful and supportive way... but the problem in this situation is you.

This mom is not a rare breed or an oddity of any kind.
She is simply a human being who is acting badly because YOU are allowing her too and because YOU are reinforcing it by allowing it to continue...kwim?

You cannot change other people and you can't work with someone who is not willing to work with you.

There is a phrase that will cure ALL of this.

EVERY.SINGLE.TIME she tries to under mind you, dictate your rules/policies, laugh openly at you or your newsletters () or says ANYTHING remotely condescending you need to speak up and say:

"DCM, it sounds like my program is not meeting your needs. Is this your official notice of withdrawal?"

RINSE & REPEAT every.single.time she starts in with you...

If she tries to back pedal, then outright tell her this is YOUR business and YOU will run it in ANY way you feel is best for YOU and if YOUR business does not meet her needs, she will need to find alternate care.

Let her know in NO uncertain terms that none of the things she tries to "micro-manage" in regards to your business are open to negotiation or discussion and that her choices are to either follow the rules/policies WITH respect to you and your business or find another provider.

STOP ALLOWING HER TO RUN YOUR SHOW! lovethis

[Leigh]

Please know that I mean this in the most helpful and supportive way... but the problem in this situation is you.

This mom is not a rare breed or an oddity of any kind.
She is simply a human being who is acting badly because YOU are allowing her too and because YOU are reinforcing it by allowing it to continue...kwim?

You cannot change other people and you can't work with someone who is not willing to work with you.

There is a phrase that will cure ALL of this.

EVERY.SINGLE.TIME she tries to under mind you, dictate your rules/policies, laugh openly at you or your newsletters () or says ANYTHING remotely condescending you need to speak up and say:

"DCM, it sounds like my program is not meeting your needs. Is this your official notice of withdrawal?"

RINSE & REPEAT every.single.time she starts in with you...

If she tries to back pedal, then outright tell her this is YOUR business and YOU will run it in ANY way you feel is best for YOU and if YOUR business does not meet her needs, she will need to find alternate care.

Let her know in NO uncertain terms that none of the things she tries to "micro-manage" in regards to your business are open to negotiation or discussion and that her choices are to either follow the rules/policies WITH respect to you and your business or find another provider.

STOP ALLOWING HER TO RUN YOUR SHOW! lovethis

So true! It's HARD to do this the first time, but after you experience the relief and joy of stepping out of your servant mentality and into the one of a respected and respectable business owner, you'll never let anyone treat you like a doormat again. It's not easy to do, but you WILL burn out if you don't stand up for yourself.

While some parents might term, and you'll have a temporary loss of income, most will respect you. LOTS of parents just don't realize that what they are doing bothers you or is "bad behavior". It's easy for others to see, but the parents just don't realize they are behaving like jerks-once you let them know, they either leave or start to treat you with respect. I'm fine with it going either way. I think that the parents you describe here probably are just jerks, but you never know if they'll turn it around until you tell them that they MUST if they want to remain in your professional, respected, and in-demand program.

[Annalee]

Please know that I mean this in the most helpful and supportive way... but the problem in this situation is you.

This mom is not a rare breed or an oddity of any kind.
She is simply a human being who is acting badly because YOU are allowing her too and because YOU are reinforcing it by allowing it to continue...kwim?

You cannot change other people and you can't work with someone who is not willing to work with you.

There is a phrase that will cure ALL of this.

EVERY.SINGLE.TIME she tries to under mind you, dictate your rules/policies, laugh openly at you or your newsletters () or says ANYTHING remotely condescending you need to speak up and say:

"DCM, it sounds like my program is not meeting your needs. Is this your official notice of withdrawal?"

RINSE & REPEAT every.single.time she starts in with you...

If she tries to back pedal, then outright tell her this is YOUR business and YOU will run it in ANY way you feel is best for YOU and if YOUR business does not meet her needs, she will need to find alternate care.

Let her know in NO uncertain terms that none of the things she tries to "micro-manage" in regards to your business are open to negotiation or discussion and that her choices are to either follow the rules/policies WITH respect to you and your business or find another provider.

STOP ALLOWING HER TO RUN YOUR SHOW! lovethis

It is win-win following what BC has stated. The parent will then either follow the rules or she will LEAVE. WIN-WIN either way! happyface

[daycarediva]

1. Ignore it. Not a battle I want to pick.

2. When they interrupt me to interject their thoughts- "Sounds like you have it all figured out then!" *BIG SMILE*

[My3cents]

YOU are not the problem. THEY are. It is not your job to try and figure out all these issues. I would term, especially since you have a waiting list. There is no reason to put up with this anymore. I would give them the notice and let them know[B] "There are a number of things that make me feel that you are not happy with my care. I get the feeling that you do not trust my decisions within the daycare and with Aiden[/B] and for that reason, i would rather end this relationship and give you the chance to find a daycare provider you are happy with"

Seriously, WHY WHY WHY are you putting up with these people when you have a waiting list? Rip off the bandaid and just get rid of them already!

I think you are the problem! You need to voice yourself in a way that will make you heard. Only you can make another person make you feel the way that you do if you allow it. I agree with the bolded part above.......and would start there and then continue on with the blue if it didn't get through to them.

I would want to work this family and try to get the problem resolved but if they didn't stop then I would take the rest of the action as you have been advised, rip that bandaid off and call your wait list-

first time parents are often like this--- they are trying so hard to do everything perfectly.

good luck- say it

[My3cents]

Please know that I mean this in the most helpful and supportive way... but the problem in this situation is you.

This mom is not a rare breed or an oddity of any kind.
She is simply a human being who is acting badly because YOU are allowing her too and because YOU are reinforcing it by allowing it to continue...kwim?

You cannot change other people and you can't work with someone who is not willing to work with you.

There is a phrase that will cure ALL of this.

EVERY.SINGLE.TIME she tries to under mind you, dictate your rules/policies, laugh openly at you or your newsletters () or says ANYTHING remotely condescending you need to speak up and say:

"DCM, it sounds like my program is not meeting your needs. Is this your official notice of withdrawal?"

RINSE & REPEAT every.single.time she starts in with you...

If she tries to back pedal, then outright tell her this is YOUR business and YOU will run it in ANY way you feel is best for YOU and if YOUR business does not meet her needs, she will need to find alternate care.

Let her know in NO uncertain terms that none of the things she tries to "micro-manage" in regards to your business are open to negotiation or discussion and that her choices are to either follow the rules/policies WITH respect to you and your business or find another provider.

STOP ALLOWING HER TO RUN YOUR SHOW! lovethis

this is what I was trying to say too- perfect. I would give her a chance to turn it around but after that the response would be the above

I really need to read through before responding.......I just get so excited I guess::

[My3cents]

1. Ignore it. Not a battle I want to pick.

2. When they interrupt me to interject their thoughts- "Sounds like you have it all figured out then!" *BIG SMILE*

#2 could come across as sarcasm

I don't agree with this. I don't think you should ignore problems. I do agree pick your battles but this sounds like it is a battle every time they speak and one sided. I feel it should be addressed. Sounds like not much respect going on towards the provider or trust.

I do get what your trying for Diva-

#2 great for a teenage daughter ........tee hee.......... a know it all teenage daughter....