Kids That Scream When They Don't Get Their Way!

[crazydaycarelady]

I have several in care right now, in the 18mo - 2 1/2 age group. I have one that screams so loud though - you can hear it throughout the whole house and even outside. I discourage her from doing this and walk away when she screams but her parents have bought into this behavior hook, line and sinker so it is pretty set in stone with her (she is here 2-3 days per week.) She is 17mo and will scream if I change her diaper and she doesn't want to do that. Of course she screams when I lay her down - When I set her up to the table - When I return her to the table and won't let her walk around with food.

I could probably tolerate her but my family and my assistant can't stand her. Her ear piercing screams make her pretty unlikeable. She is not pleasant to be around AT ALL.

She is not unhappy - this is a trained behavior that has gotten out of control. I don't feel like I can terminate because she is the cousin of another family who recommended me.

Any ideas of how to nip this in the bud? She'll go to time-out, but of course she screams the whole time.

[Second Home]

Let her scream and ignore her , eventually she will get it .

I had a dcg who did this , she was 2yrs. I would remove her from the group and let her sit and scream , when she was done I told her she could come back . It took her a few month to finally stop the behavior 100% but it did lessen each week when she figured out I would not play into it .

Of course we always did something extra fun while she was screaming

[My3cents]

Let her scream and ignore her , eventually she will get it .

I had a dcg who did this , she was 2yrs. I would remove her from the group and let her sit and scream , when she was done I told her she could come back . It took her a few month to finally stop the behavior 100% but it did lessen each week when she figured out I would not play into it .

Of course we always did something extra fun while she was screaming

this with a firm No we don't do that-

[daycare]

yesterday at pick up we were outside DCM of two kids ages 2 and 4. DCK4 starts screaming at the car. since we were all outside I went to see if DCK was ok. Yup, DCK is screaming because he wanted to get in the car first and his brother got in first, so he refused to get in. took DCM 25 minutes to get the DCK in the car. I got sick of hearing the dck scream, walked over and said in a firm voice, get in the car now you are done.

I wonder if sometimes parents dont want to parent their children in front of us because they might feel judged. Or maybe I am hoping that is their thought, because a parent that allows this to happen is just NUTS......

[crazydaycarelady]

I forgot to mention - Mom and Dad don't like for her to cry. I have walked away before and just let her scream and also let her cry her eyes out at naptime but then dcm is overly concerned about her puffy eyes. She was crying at pick-up today for no reason and I wasn't responding and dcm seemed very alarmed and kept asking 17mo "What's wrong, what happened?" Ummm.......nothing!

[Leigh]

The best response is nearly none. Don't give the attention the child is asking for with the screams. Pick up the child and put her in a designated area where she will at least THINK no one can hear her (tell her that no one can hear her there) and say, "Looks like you need a trip to the cry corner" or crying steps or whatever. "You can come out when you're done screaming/crying. It's OK to get mad, but we don't allow screaming here".

I use my back steps in the summer, and a corner of the kitchen in the winter for crying. It rarely is more than 5-6 trips to the corner or step before they start to realize that their behaviors are not getting the desired response.

[Scribbles]

The best response is nearly none. Don't give the attention the child is asking for with the screams. Pick up the child and put her in a designated area where she will at least THINK no one can hear her (tell her that no one can hear her there) and say, "Looks like you need a trip to the cry corner" or crying steps or whatever. "You can come out when you're done screaming/crying. It's OK to get mad, but we don't allow screaming here".

I use my back steps in the summer, and a corner of the kitchen in the winter for crying. It rarely is more than 5-6 trips to the corner or step before they start to realize that their behaviors are not getting the desired response.

This is what I do too. I have a dcb that is almost 2. He has a 4 yr old brother in care too. He screams every day about a million things because he wants to be next to his brother, do what he is doing, eating, playing etc and his mom usually asks the older brother to do (whatever makes little brother stop screaming) and so now dcb2 thinks screaming is how he is suppose to get what he wants. He can say several words but it seems easier to scream.
I just keep saying to use words and ignoring the behavior and he really does seem to be getting better.

Its hard to ignore but I really don't want it to continue so I know I cant reinforce it and I don't want to punish him for something he cant help is being taught to him at home.

OP I hope it gets better for you soon. Its hard to hear a screaming toddler all day.

[kitykids3]

I have a 2 year old boy who does this right now. High pitched screams. ugh! I do what the others said. I give him one chance to stop. If not I put him away from the group and tell him when he is done screaming he can come back and I ignore him until he stops. With some kids they learn real quick and others take longer.

[Josiegirl]

The trouble is a lot of parents do what works for the here and now and don't think that far enough down the road.
When a toddler starts screaming that they want something another child has, that child lots of times, will hand it over to the toddler. I try to tell them why that's not a good idea. I just wish the parents could understand as well.

[caregiver]

I have a 4 yr old DCB who will scream whenever he does not get his way! He has major meltdowns and screams so loud that even with my windows and doors closed I think the neighbors can still hear him. It is terrible,but his melt downs are not often any more, but when he has them, let me tell you,he is unbelievable! I have had many talks with his parents and he does this at home also and they are at a loss as to what to do. They have told me to deal with this however I feel is appropriate for the situation. I now just walk out of the room and let him scream it out, which usually takes a few minutes and then he stops.
I have become really attached to this DCB and really want to help him, so I have not termed him. Although I was ready to term the first week, but did not want to give up on him so easily. So I keep working with him and hopefully he will stop his screaming and meltdowns. I also tell him that we don't act like that when he starts the screaming,sometimes that works and sometimes not so good. He can be a very sweet boy when he wants to and I just think he needs someone who also cares about him besides his parents,I guess I feel more like a Grandma to the kids.

[Kimskiddos]

For a screaming child, they get ignored and sent to the quiet corner until calm. But I get how hard it is to listen to all the screaming (on everyone there).

Haven't tried this but have heard of using a screaming bucket. Have the screamer scream into a bucket or large bowl (in the quiet corner of course). It reflects the noise back at them and hurts their ears instead of everyone else. Could be worth a try?

[crazydaycarelady]

The trouble is a lot of parents do what works for the here and now and don't think that far enough down the road.

This is EXACTLY what is going on! They have taught her that if she can cry for 10-15 minutes when they lay her down to sleep then she can get back up. Then they wonder why at 17mos she STILL is not on a good schedule! Well, duh!

And then when I let her cry it out and actually take a nap they get mad that she has puffy eyes!