Don't Even Know What To Title This, Maybe Weird?

[daycare]

Just give her a copy. She already knows how you feel.

do you think that she would get upset if I gave her this information? I don't want to her offend her, but I do want to be able to explain myself better. I have a hard time to make sense of what I am thinking when I need to put it into words.. I hope that made sense.

[Heidi]

do you think that she would get upset if I gave her this information? I don't want to her offend her, but I do want to be able to explain myself better. I have a hard time to make sense of what I am thinking when I need to put it into words.. I hope that made sense.

I guess I wouldn't be so worried about offending her? She's driving you bonkers. You can be kind and still make YOUR feelings clear. It's affecting you and your job, and it's not healthy for dcb.

[Heidi]

Not at all. Some children need more attention than others and need more validation. Even negative attention is better than no attention at all to a young child. Actually it's pretty normal for children to 'fib' at this age and to tell stories. This is probably just his way of getting attention that he is craving.

It's hard to say why he is craving this attention. He could not be getting attention at home, he could not have good self esteem/confidence, he could be getting a lot of negative attention at home, he could be a super needy child by nature etc. It's really hard to say. If he is being catered to like this at home then could be "fueling the fire". If he is only punished at home but validated at daycare when parent is present then this could be confusing to the child.

If provider ignores this behavior yet DCM reinforces it during drop-off and pick-ups then I don't ask why it's happening, I ask why not. The DCB has found a way that gives him attention and from what little I know it doesn't seem to be the provider's attention he is looking for. He has found what works for him. There is a payoff = moms attention.

As far as actual strategies to remedy this, well that's more difficult. It CAN be done without mom's help but it'll just take longer. You somehow need to take DCM out of the scenario and find a way to do 'bye-bye outside' in a way that can work for you. Maybe just leave sign in sheet outside for her to sign, have her knock and you take DCB and write in the time yourself. While in DC try different things like stories about fibbing (boy who cried wolf), reinforcing positive behavior, pointing out when he does fib but not making a big deal about it then quickly turning your attention to a child that is doing something positive etc. It's hard to say exactly what will work, all children are different.

Sorry...should have added "JK"

[Laurel]

do you think that she would get upset if I gave her this information? I don't want to her offend her, but I do want to be able to explain myself better. I have a hard time to make sense of what I am thinking when I need to put it into words.. I hope that made sense.

Well since you already explained how you felt by giving her the example of adults doing it to each other and how she would feel, she shouldn't be too offended.

Maybe say something like "Sally, I've been telling you that Junior's behavior regarding feelings is becoming somewhat of a problem for me. I found a good article about this that I would like you to consider. Please don't be offended but I really think this article is right on the mark. Let me know what you think." Then hand it to her with a smile.

Really, why should you suffer with this? That isn't fair to you.

Laurel