Don't Even Know What To Title This, Maybe Weird?

[daycare]

I have a dck that is somewhat new to our group. Has been here a few months. The kid is sweet, yet annoying at times because the child has to update everyone every 5 minutes about how he feels. I already addressed this to the DCM but she even seemed not to understand why this was annoying.

I have posted about this kid before. I always talk with the DCM about the issues here, what we are doing to help kid and what do you do at home?

Well the issue is the DCM and I don't know what else to say or how to say anything to her to get her to STOP what she is doing.

yesterday we were out playing tag. All of a sudden this dck starts crying his eyes out. No one is near him and I stop everything and ask what's wrong, he says a bee bit him, ok where, DCK says I don't know. I look I see nothing. I asked did someone hit you or hurt you, DCK says no. So I am baffled.

DCM comes to pick up and as soon as she arrives DCK goes into hysterics again crying. Makes up a huge lie saying that there were bugs all over him. DCM looks at me and I said no, no bugs, I don't know whats wrong, he didn't know. DCM then totally plays into it. says OMG that must have been so scary to have all of those bugs on you, hugs him, as he cries even harder. She just keeps going on and on with it.

I walked away. She took 15 min to pick up because she too was upset that he felt scared. LADY THERE WERE NO BUGS...............

I don't know what else to say to this woman, this is the strangest most weird thing I have ever dealt with. The way she is working with him is making him a very unlikable child among his peers. Every week something like this happens, sometimes daily. I need it to stop. It's driving everyone nuts.

what would you do or say to a parent that was doing this. Maybe I don't explain well this issue, but to me this is just bizarre.

[ihop]

I'd call her out on encouraging his dishonesty. An imagination is good but that's not what I would call what he is doing. It seems like manipulation to me. I'd explain that when he behaves that way and had no honest reason to be upset, he will be removed from the group activity so that everyone else can enjoy play time without his disturbance. Follow through and update mom often.

I had a girl who behaved that same way and then bam one day she started blaming other children for hurting her and would start yelling that so and so hurt her when she was standing alone. I knew it was only a matter of time before she started blaming me. Bye bye. ::

She may not like it and end up terming but that doesn't sound so terrible inn this situation :hug:

[daycare]

thanks for responding. I don't know what to do with this family. Like I said every day it is something.

I tried to explain to the DCM as an adult would view it. I told her, how would you feel if I updated you on how I felt about you every 5 minutes. like " you're making me mad, I don't like you, my feelings are hurt, hey I want that and you are not giving it to me so I am ____________and and you are going to make me cry.

you would tell me to take a hike right? She said yeah of course I would, so I told her that this is what her child was doing and that it was annoying all of the other kids. This is why no one will play with him and I sit all day trying to help this kid fit in with the rest of the kids. I did ask DCM to not play into it and just say ok and move on, but she always feels the need to validate and over validate DCKS feelings

I know I can't control what goes on at home, but I feel I have to try what I can to help him here. Maybe telling DCM is a waste of my time and efforts?

[KiddieCahoots]

How about role playing with puppets?
Playing out his method vs. the correct or desirable method.
First trying with the child in child care, to see if he gets it. If he does, then maybe talk to the parents about what you've been using in the child care that seems to help his understanding of events, and show them.
Maybe then they'll be able to see just how absurd they look.

[Evansmom]

Parents have to trust the provider to tell them the truth. Little kids have a very different perception of things. They have wonderful imaginations and it's hard for them to tell the difference between a lie and a story/make believe until they are a little older. If mom doesn't trust you to tell the truth and to take good care of her child then I'd term. It's only a mater of time before DCK could make up some story that ends up getting you in trouble.

[daycare]

Parents have to trust the provider to tell them the truth. Little kids have a very different perception of things. They have wonderful imaginations and it's hard for them to tell the difference between a lie and a story/make believe until they are a little older. If mom doesn't trust you to tell the truth and to take good care of her child then I'd term. It's only a mater of time before DCK could make up some story that ends up getting you in trouble.

its not just the made up story that bothers me it's the moms need to over validate every emotion the child has.

yesterday morning at drop off the kid comes in and noticed that I moved a book case. DCK says I am very angry at Miss N. DCM asks why, so he says because I didn't want her to move the bookcase and now I am angry, very angry. The DCK stomps feet, crosses his arms. DCM totally plays into it, oh sweetie I can see that you are so angry becuase Miss N. moved that, are you ok, blah blah blah, kid starts crying, dcm continues to feed into it until I jump in and say ok DCM we will see you later, he needs to come pick out his toy so he can play. DCM leaves, for 15 more min DCK sits on the floor with arms crossed saying over and over how angry he is. I completely ignore it, but families are coming in for drop off and DCK has to make sure he tells every parent and child how angry he is.

I eventually moved him to the back room where he could not get anymore attention for it, but this is becoming a daily thing, yesterday it was about 4 times something like this happended.

Ignoring him when he does it does not work. I have also tried, I am sorry to hear you are upset, go play or go read a book. It will work for about 2 min and then somehow he strikes up so way to me sad, mad, angry, frustrated, some negative feeling and NEEDS to inform everyone.

[AmyLeigh]

http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/554/validating-vs-indulging-childrens-feelings.html

[Meeko]

its not just the made up story that bothers me it's the moms need to over validate every emotion the child has.

yesterday morning at drop off the kid comes in and noticed that I moved a book case. DCK says I am very angry at Miss N. DCM asks why, so he says because I didn't want her to move the bookcase and now I am angry, very angry. The DCK stomps feet, crosses his arms. DCM totally plays into it, oh sweetie I can see that you are so angry becuase Miss N. moved that, are you ok, blah blah blah, kid starts crying, dcm continues to feed into it until I jump in and say ok DCM we will see you later, he needs to come pick out his toy so he can play. DCM leaves, for 15 more min DCK sits on the floor with arms crossed saying over and over how angry he is. I completely ignore it, but families are coming in for drop off and DCK has to make sure he tells every parent and child how angry he is.

I eventually moved him to the back room where he could not get anymore attention for it, but this is becoming a daily thing, yesterday it was about 4 times something like this happended.

Ignoring him when he does it does not work. I have also tried, I am sorry to hear you are upset, go play or go read a book. It will work for about 2 min and then somehow he strikes up so way to me sad, mad, angry, frustrated, some negative feeling and NEEDS to inform everyone.

Don't flame me....it's been a long day.....and I have such a desire to slap your DCM........just sayin'.......

[NeedaVaca]

Don't flame me....it's been a long day.....and I have such a desire to slap your DCM........just sayin'.......

There are just so many things wrong with what this mom is doing...

Really DS? That's great that you are using your words, now use them to apologize to Ms. Daycare for being rude. This is her house and her bookcase, she can move it anywhere she wants to.

[taylorw1210]

How annoying! I definitely would have a hard time dealing with this DCM. How does she think she's benefiting her child with this behavior?

[taylorw1210]

There are just so many things wrong with what this mom is doing...

Really DS? That's great that you are using your words, now use them to apologize to Ms. Daycare for being rude. This is her house and her bookcase, she can move it anywhere she wants to.

Exactly! Who lets their child have so much control that they validate their child's anger over another person moving furniture in their OWN home?

I'd give her a term letter because she obviously is not getting it.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

There are just so many things wrong with what this mom is doing...

Really DS? That's great that you are using your words, now use them to apologize to Ms. Daycare for being rude. This is her house and her bookcase, she can move it anywhere she wants to.

Amen. I likely would have said," Johnny, when YOU have a daycare you can move your furniture wherever you want as well." And walked away. Irritating.

[Laurel]

I need to think about this one for a while. That is bizarre.

It sounds like you made it perfectly clear to the mom how you feel about this.

Maybe just handle your end at your house. When he starts I might say "Joey, I don't like it when you say there were bugs all over you and there aren't any." When he continues about how scary they are or whatever I'd probably say "If you are scared that is okay but you will need to sit in this chair (or do whatever you do to separate a child) until you are not scared anymore (or angry or whatever).

Gotta think about the mom part.

Laurel

[debbiedoeszip]

<<<DCM comes to pick up and as soon as she arrives DCK goes into hysterics again crying. Makes up a huge lie saying that there were bugs all over him. DCM looks at me and I said no, no bugs, I don't know whats wrong, he didn't know. DCM then totally plays into it. says OMG that must have been so scary to have all of those bugs on you, hugs him, as he cries even harder. She just keeps going on and on with it.

I walked away. She took 15 min to pick up because she too was upset that he felt scared. LADY THERE WERE NO BUGS...............>>>

The more I think about this, the more concerned I become. It really bothers me that he can make up a story, have his story disputed by you, but mom still seems to believe the boy. What if the boy decides to up the ante and makes up a story about being harmed by someone (you?) during daycare hours? Will mom believe your account, or his?

I'd be having a really serious talk with her about the fibbing, and if she didn't seem to take it as seriously as I did, I'd likely be terminating. It's absolutely developmentally normal for children his age to make up stories, but it's not normal for parents to believe the stories as gospel truth, especially when a trusted adult (I assume she leaves him with you because she trusts you, right) is stating that it's fabrication.

I could deal with a lot of difficult or strange situations, but this one would likely become a no go for me. Too much risk.

[MarinaVanessa]

I don't think DCM actually believes him, she's more or less just validating his feelings and going along with it. I hardly think she'd be so calm in her response had she believed that her son was covered in bugs. It's the fact that she is catering to his need for attention from mom that has so many people bothered.