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I'm not logging in, even though my examples are pretty specific! I have a DCM, who refuses to discipline her son at drop-off and pick-up. He is becoming a tyrant. She always gives me the impression that she resents me stepping in or thinks that I am being too harsh with him. She excuses all of his misbehavior on "being a boy," being tired, or missing his Dad. When I told him to stop kicking my front door because we only kick balls outside, she hugged him and asked him if he was "okay." When she was trying to wrangle him out the front door, and he ran over and stood on a fragile part of my vacuum cleaner, I told him in a no-nonsense voice to "get off my vacuum and go get his coat on." She quickly intercepted with a sing-song, "Feet on the floor." She says that she doesn't believe in saying no or "squelching his spirit," and he's so "cute" that she has a hard time disciplining him. I keep thinking that prison will squelch his spirit and cuteness soon enough. (Joking!) I've met this kind of parent many times. That's not what baffles me. It's that when she gets home, she slaps his arms and spanks him for misbehaving. I'm so confused. This isn't a post about spanking--she's free to discipline however she wants. I just don't understand the 180 at home--you slap him, but are disapproving if I tell him to get off of my vacuum?
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I don't even know what to say...
I already see it with my toddlers here. Same crappola...no one is in charge anymore. Mine don't spank at home, either, though. That's really weird! -
Its all about reputation and putting on a show. She wants you or the other daycare parents to think that she is (what she considers in her mind to be) a kind loving mother and is probably too embarrassed to discipline in public (maybe be cause the only methods she believes works are the ones she uses at home and is ashamed by it out of fear of being judged. Though, in most places daycares aren't allowed to spanking at all, even when it's your own child- not a judgement just an observation; One of my CD teachers had to term a DCF because they witnessed the parent spanking the child and that was against licensing regs (also in the policies).
Either that or she has a Dr. Jekyll/Mrs. Hyde thing going on where in public she's super passive but at home very aggressive. A lot of parents have a hard time disciplining their children in public because they are afraid it will make them look like the bad guy.
But personally, I think not disciplining your child when they misbehave in public makes you look even more like the bad guy because it shows a lack of respect or consideration to the other people around you whose affected the child's misbehavior.Comment
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uh.. what in the world??
I have 2 new kiddos (7 yr old b, 9 yr old g) that come after school. I'm a no-nonsense type with the school age kids…they know exactly what they are doing. I've had two discussions with the girl because before mom gets here she's great, the minute mom gets here she acts like a lunatic! Hyper, runs around our entry throwing her backpack, etc. She's told me she gets in trouble at home but while here Mom is all sweet and tries to coax her into behaving.
I will not be offended if you discipline your child for acting up in my house.Comment
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Some people make NO SENSE.Comment
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I see this behavior from parents too. No spanking at home I don't think, but no discipline at home either. Parents let kids run their life. They make excuses for their child's behavior saying something like they have a hard time saying NO as their child is so cute. I just hate that phrase"Boys will be Boys". That is just a excuse.
I had a DCB a few years ago(2 yrs old) who on purpose threw a toy at my Christmas tree and broke a precious ornament that my son had made in grade school and I was so upset, it was very special to me. I told his Mom at pick up thinking she would say that she was sorry he did that, but no. all she said was Boys will be Boys, and that was it, no apologies.
It gets really frustrating dealing with DCP'S and getting them to do something about their child's behavior these days.
I often wonder what this world will be like in say 20 yrs when these kids of today will be running the country. They will coming from growing up with no discipline, used to getting what they want, when they want and never have been told No for anything or having to suffer any consequences for their actions. I know that must sound terrible, but isn't it what will happen!
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My DH said that in the corporate world, they are having workshops on how to manage the Entitlement Generation. The poor kid has three different discipline policies. No wonder he's acting like a tyrant!Comment
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So why are you continuing to keep them in care then?
I would NEVER entertain that kind of drama in MY house.
I would be implementing the "Buh-bye Outside" program and not allowing this drama-fest to take place inside my walls.
DCM's monster = DCM's issue.
Either the "Buh-bye Outside" program or be termed from MY program.
^^^ Those would be MY choices.
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Because I actually care about what happens to this little boy, and I want to provide some consistency for him. Terming isn't always the only solution.Comment
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What BC is saying (or my take) isn't that you don't care or that terming is the only option... It's that it's not OUR jobs to FIX the kids issues that the parents caused. Or didn't cause. It's the parents job and we are simply here to support and assist in whatever way possible. HOWEVER, if the parents refuse to get on board, everything we do will be futile.Comment
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Thank you. Yes, that was what I am saying.
I don't always suggest terming and I certainly didn't imply that the OP doesn't care about the child as clearly she does...
My point was why are you (OP) entertaining something you are so frustrated with?
Venting is a great outlet and something we all need to do but at the end of it all we are still left with only two options: Fix it or just deal with it.
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It's great that you care! But caring isn't going to solve the issue.
He is this DCM's child. She can raise him in ANY way she chooses to, including never saying no to her child. There is NO one right or wrong way to parent.
It's when HER parenting choices affect others that is the big deal.
You can either educate her and hope she sees things from your perspective so that she becomes better at managing her child's behavior or you can simply watch the show since SHE is clearly the one in charge during this time.
......or you can choose to NOT be part of it.
It also sounds to me as if the DCB isn't the problem during pick ups...it's the mom so when I suggested the Buy-Bye outside program it's because it is a great method for curing that kind of adult behavior.
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Because I'm codependent and the thought of standing up for myself is terrifying. I wish that I would term this family, but the thought of it makes my hands shake and my heart race. Great profession to choose--huh? I just really love kids.Comment
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We can tell you love them or you wouldn't care or be here asking for help.
Since you DO want what's best for the child, you have to get over your fears and at least attempt to help these parents through education and support. In the end thoug the parents need to know you are here to HELP them, not FIX the issues.
I would start by simply having a talk with mom.Comment
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